CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
Scarlet stands in the hallway the next morning, unable to make it into the flat all the way before she demands to see the letter. I hand it over and close the front door, while she kicks off her shoes and devours Josh’s words.
‘He can’t be serious?’ she baulks as she reads.
‘I think he is. He sounds serious.’
‘He wants you back? Where does it say that?’
‘Keep reading,’ I say as we walk towards the lounge.
She scans it. ‘Bloody hell,’ she exclaims. ‘He’s made a mistake,’ she paraphrases, ‘he wants you back, he can’t sleep at night, he knows he’s made the worst mistake of his life. He doesn’t love her.’ Scarlet looks up at that one and stares at me. ‘ He doesn’t love Tamara!’ she exclaims again.
‘Yeah. I did not see that one coming.’
‘Me neither,’ she says. ‘He’s in love with you,’ she continues and looks up at me in shock again.
I’m not as shocked now as I was when I read the letter yesterday, so my expression doesn’t mirror hers. I feel strangely emotionless. And confused about Josh’s U-turn. Was this what all those missed calls were about?
‘He’s in love with you. He’s the worst person on Earth for doing what he did. You’re the best thing that ever happened to him. He bangs on about how much you loved him, and the surprise party, and … blah-blah-blah,’ Scarlet says. She scans the rest, which is more or less a varied repeat of the contents that come before it, and then she looks at me, shakes her head, folds the letter and hands it back.
I don’t need to scan through it again. I’ve read it nine times. I place it on the coffee table and step back from it, as if it’s a nuclear weapon and should be left well alone.
‘What are you going to do?’ she asks.
‘I don’t know,’ I say. ‘That letter has been in the box for six months, so … I guess I’m going to do nothing.’
‘Damn right. After what Josh did to you.’
‘I know,’ I reply. ‘I can’t believe he wrote that. I have to believe he’s telling the truth. I have to take it at face value. But it was six months ago, and yes, there have been a couple of calls since then, but it’s probably because I refused to answer the phone to him that he’s stopped since. He might not feel the same way now as he did a few months ago. And I don’t feel the same way about Josh as I once did, so I don’t have to do anything about it, right?’
‘No, you don’t. What a twat!’ Scarlet says.
I smile.
‘I wonder what would have happened if you’d read this when Josh sent it all those months ago. What might you have done?’
‘It’s not worth thinking about, because I only know what my reaction is now and … anything I felt for him has gone.’
She looks a mix of surprised and impressed. ‘I really want to know what happened between him and Tamara, though, don’t you? I need the gossip on that.’
‘It’s one of those things we’re probably never going to know. Because I’m not going to do anything about this.’
‘Good for you. Shall we set light to it?’
‘No, I don’t trust that smoke alarm not to go off.’ I look up at the blinking light, which has been going at a rate of knots this week.
‘Throw it in the bin?’
‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘I’m just going to give it one more read though, you know, to make myself feel good.’
‘And smug?’ Scarlet suggests.
‘Very smug,’ I reply. ‘And then we throw it in the bin.’
‘You know what this means, don’t you?’ Scarlet continues, as we stand ritualistically over the bin moments later and look at Josh’s letter as it soaks into the wet kitchen roll I threw in earlier. ‘You’re the heroine again,’ she says, in revelatory fashion.
I frown. ‘What?’
‘Tamara’s the evil crone who just got defeated. And you are the princess. You are the heroine.’
I stand a little taller, unpicking her words and resisting the urge to laugh. ‘I forgot I said that. Did I sound like an idiot?’
‘Yes, you did, but it was a memorable speech all the same.’
‘I’m the heroine again,’ I muse.
‘Yes, you are,’ Scarlet agrees enthusiastically. ‘Yes, you bloody well are.’