CHAPTER 20
Declan
I decide to take a quick shower, leaving Summer at the breakfast table. The last I looked, she was slamming coffee and using her fork to stab at her pancakes with too much enthusiasm.
A hot shower will give me a few seconds to screw my head on straight. To figure out what the fuck I think I’m doing. I step into the shower spray and let the heat and steam clear my foggy brain.
It’s happening. Right now. This morning.
All those years of dancing around the issue and overcompensating for the insane connection and attraction…
it’s over. We’ve hit the wall. We have no choice but to address the elephant that follows us into every room we occupy and joins us for every day we spend beneath the endless sky of Yosemite Ranch.
It’s time to get real.
I wash my hair and body, then towel myself dry.
I’ve done a lot of crazy shit in my life. I escaped death more than once. I’ve pushed myself all the way to the edge of my maximum capacity only to push myself further still. But that’s because it was expected of me. It was my job.
As a Navy SEAL, I was responsible for every member of my squad, just as they were responsible for me. We never made excuses. We never quit. We never second-guessed our objectives.
I grab a robe from the closet and rake my fingers through my hair.
That life was insanely difficult—physically and mentally—but in some ways it was simple. I always knew the next essential step I needed to take. I always knew what I was fighting for.
Not now. Not when it comes to Summer and me.
I’m experiencing severe turbulence in my head and heart, and I’ve got to land this puppy, ensuring that both Summer and I stay safe and sound. It’s my responsibility. And to do that, I need to stay one or two steps ahead of this plane. Which means I need to know where we’re headed.
And I don’t.
Of course I want Summer. But it’s not just about me.
She’s the other half of this equation, and as well as I know her and as much as I love her, her essence has always been a mystery to me.
It’s the way she’s wanted it. Her boundaries have been rock solid through the years.
The girl likes her “No Trespassing” signs and I’ve respected them.
But not today. I’m not doing that shit anymore.
When else am I going to find myself alone in a hotel suite with Summer? I won’t be able to live with myself if I don’t take advantage of this opportunity. Today is the day I’m completely honest with Summer and insist that she be honest with me in return.
That’s the only way I can land us safely. And once we’re on the ground, we’ll either continue on together or go our separate ways, but it’s time for us to make that decision.
I return to the table and sit. The stainless entrée cover sits over my plate. I lift it, do a double take, and laugh.
On my stack of pancakes is a skull and crossbones fashioned out of bacon strips and blueberries. I raise my gaze to Summer, not sure what I’ll find. Her eyes sparkle at me as she munches down on a crisp piece of bacon.
“This is one hell of a mixed message, Summer.”
“Oh yeah? How so?”
“A moment ago, you threatened me with bodily harm if I touched your bacon, yet here you are, generously sharing it.”
“How do you know that’s not your bacon?”
I grab the receipt from the white linen tablecloth. “I see only one order of bacon, which in itself is a horrible injustice.”
“Busted.” She chuckles.
“But your sweet gesture is also a warning.”
“That’s deep.” She sips from her coffee mug.
Summer is one hell of a complicated woman. But I’ve never known a better one, and one more deserving of my focus, my time, and my energy. Whatever it takes.
I pour myself a coffee and take a drink. The scalding liquid feels good in my raw throat, and the impact of the caffeine is almost instantaneous. I dig into my breakfast, using the knife to slice right through the pancake artwork.
I eat while studying Summer, who’s ignoring me.
Her damp hair is draped over one shoulder, and I can see the beginnings of gentle waves as it dries.
The cotton hotel robe is pulled tight over her chest and double knotted at the waist, like she’s being extra careful to cover up around me.
She’s sitting with her legs crossed casually, the suspended foot and its pink toes and nails bouncing with nervous energy.
The robe has parted at mid-thigh. I can’t help it. I stare at her legs, the legs I’ve seen too many times to count. So perfectly formed, strong but feminine, and so impossibly smooth they glitter in the morning light.
“Stop staring at my legs.”
“But they look so smooth.”
She sets down her fork and pulls her lips into an irritated grimace. “That’s because I got myself waxed yesterday. I’m smooth as a porpoise.”
I choke. I grab my cup and slam coffee until I’m safely beyond Heimlich maneuver territory.
“And I’m talking head to toe,” she adds. “The whole taco.”
No, no, no. Now I’m picturing her smooth taco and I’m worried the top of my head is about to blow off.
“I guess we should start looking for Evander and Phoebe again, huh?”
I shove my breakfast aside.
“You’re fucking killing me, Summer.”
She clears her throat and looks away, like she prefers not to hear it. That’s too damn bad.
“I’ve wanted you for so long that I don’t remember ever not wanting you. I can’t take it anymore. I won’t.”
Her gray-blue gaze shoots my way, locking on. She blinks in surprise, opens her mouth to speak, but snaps it shut again.
“What do you want, Summer? Tell me.”
She shakes her head.
I can’t help but laugh. “Really? Now’s the moment you decide you’d rather not give me a piece of your mind? You refuse to speak the truth when I’m literally begging you for it?”
A single tear plops from her lashes and lands on the rise of her pretty cheek. Her chin trembles. I’ve never seen Summer cry. Not once in all the years I’ve known her.
“Shit, Summer. I don’t mean to make you cry, but we should’ve dealt with this years ago, when I came home to Yosemite. We should’ve hashed it out right then, the moment we knew that something had changed between us.”
I detect a subtle nod of agreement. Another teardrop falls.
I scoot my chair back from the table and lean toward her, grabbing both her hands in mine. “Tell me what you want. You have to tell me right the fuck now. Time’s up.”
She takes a breath. She blinks. She’s summoning her courage.
“Well, crap, Declan.” Summer’s voice is barely a whisper, and her eyes are swimming with tears as she looks into mine. “All I’ve ever wanted is you.”
I’m on my feet in an instant, and I gather her up in my arms, lift her off the floor, and crush my mouth to hers.
I hear a loud click! in my mind. I remember this from last night—the heat of her lips, the curves of her body, the way she tastes.
How I’ve always loved Summer, and always will.