CHAPTER 49
Declan
“Where did you hear that?”
“Where didn’t I hear it, son?” He looks over his shoulder at me.
“Yosemite Ranch is like a henhouse. Nonstop clucking. More clucking gossip around here than a man should have to live with.” He laughs at his play on words and turns back to stirring the milk.
“Anyway, I thought about it, and I have to say that I agree with Summer.”
“What the hell?” It comes out a little too loudly. “That’s a ridiculous thing to say.”
“Ridiculous, huh?” He spins around with the wooden spoon in his hand. “It’s her business how she wants to deal with this, Declan. She doesn’t want your sad-sack, sourpuss, ass-dragging self always moping around. She doesn’t want your pity, and I can’t blame her.”
“What the—?”
“Summer Stevens is a proud woman. Proud. And she should be. She’s the best damn horsewoman to set foot on this ranch since your mother. I think it’s best if you just let her face this cancer thing on her own, like she’s asked.”
“What the ever-loving fuck!” I leap up so fast that I knock over the swivel chair.
“Get ahold of yourself, Declan.”
“What an insane thing to say! It’s not just her business! It’s our business!”
“Calm down, son. You know I’m right.”
“Right? No! You’re wrong. I don’t pity her. I’m in awe of her. She’s the toughest woman I know. But also, the sweetest and… warmest… and… funniest…”
Oh, shit. I can’t breathe.
I straighten my arms and rest my palms on the island, then drop my head between my forearms. I’m seeing spots.
In four, hold four, out four, hold four…
When I look up, I see my father leaning casually against the sink like he hasn’t just spewed the most hurtful words possible to his son.
“How dare you.” It comes out like a hiss. I straighten and walk toward him, my fists balled up against my thighs, my arms shaking with indignation. “I would never want Summer to be anything but proud. I just want to be there to love her! I’m her husband, for fuck’s sake. I’m. Her. Husband!”
Dad calmly turns off the stove, sets the pan aside, and gets right in my face. He pokes my chest, marking time as he speaks. “There’s my boy.”
Poke. Poke. Poke.
“I wondered where you’d got to.”
Poke. Poke.
“Staying in your house, feeling sorry for yourself, muttering and stumbling around and mourning a woman who still draws breath.”
Poke.
“She is still alive, Declan. And so are you.”
I suck in air. The room spins. My heart shatters.
“Come here, kid.” Dad opens his arms, and I fall against him, bawling like a baby. But he just holds on to me, squeezing tight, letting me cry so loudly that the dishes rattle.
I don’t know how long this goes on, but when my body stops shuddering and my breath settles, Dad sets me in front of him.
“Here.” He hands me a wad of paper towels. “Go out in your living room and sit down.”
I do. Because I don’t have the strength to do anything else. I collapse on the couch and Dad pulls up a dining chair to sit directly facing me.
“You tricked me,” I say.
He shrugs. “A father does whatever’s needed to get through to his kid. And some kids need to be reached in a certain kind of way.”
I blow my nose. “And I’m the kid who needs to be tricked?”
“Maybe,” he says, thinking for a moment. “You know that I love all my boys. But you, son, have always been the biggest challenge to me and your mother.”
“I thought that was Evander.”
He laughs. “Do you remember what your mother used to say to you?”
“She said a lot of things, many of them when she was mad about some stupid shit I’d just tried to pull.”
He chuckles. “That’s right. She used to get so exasperated with you. She’d throw up her hands and tell me, ‘that boy has to eat the whole cow before he can be sure it’s beef!’”
“Which means…”
“That no one can tell you a damn thing, Declan. You are headstrong and think you know everything about everything and won’t listen to anyone’s guidance. So, what would you have done if I marched in here and told you to get your ass up to Summer?”
“I would have done it.”
“Don’t bullshit your old dad.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And another thing about you—you’ve always just skated through life, you know? Not taking anything too seriously, counting on your brains and charm to get you wherever you wanted to go. Honestly, I was a little concerned when you told me you wanted to follow your brothers and become a SEAL.”
I never heard this before. “You were?”
“I didn’t know if you were capable of taking that kind of commitment seriously.”
“Well, clearly, I was.”
“Yep, you rose to the occasion, and I’m damn proud of you for it. And now it’s time to do it again.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Now, I heard you and Summer got married by a Mariah Carey impersonator. Is that true?”
“Well, technically, it was at the Mariah Carey Chapel of Love, but Beyoncé was on duty that night.”
He blinks. “I don’t care if it was Daffy Duck who officiated. You’re married.”
“She won’t let me love her,” I say, staring at the paper towel gripped in my hands.
“Son, I’m going to tell you something and I want you to listen carefully. Can you do that?”
I nod, shredding the paper towel.
“I was in love with a ferociously proud woman who was sick a long time. But I stood by your mother and loved her through every moment of it, even when she demanded a divorce so that I’d be free to find someone else.”
I raise my eyes. What the fuck?
“It’s the absolute truth. But you know what I did? I found a way to separate the illness and pain from the love we shared—cancer over there, love right here.” He touches his chest.
I nod.
“Your mother lived with dignity and chose exactly how she wanted to die, but I did not allow her to push me away. I was there. I was Stella Roberts MacLaine’s husband, and I stayed by her side. And not for one second did that woman forget how much she was loved.”
“What if I can’t convince Summer to let me love her?”
He laughs and shakes his head slowly. “That’s not her call to make, Declan. It’s yours. You either love her or you don’t. Which is it?”
“I love her, Dad.”
“No shit, son. I’ve watched you love that girl since the day she set foot on Yosemite Ranch. Then I watched you both try to talk yourselves out of it as the years rolled on. You are two of the most bullheaded creatures ever put on this earth.”
“I know.” I let my head hang.
He stands. “Go to your wife. Get her the best care money can buy. And don’t waste a second.”
I rise. He hugs me and pats my back.
“I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, son.”
He reaches the door but shoots me a smile before he leaves. “And just so you know, I don’t have the slightest idea how to make hot chocolate, and I could barely figure out how to turn on your damn stove.”