CHAPTER 65
Declan
Summer’s beauty is a force of nature. She shines like a miracle, a star against the dismal backdrop of downcast visitors, concrete walls, and concertina wire.
She doesn’t see me. She steps outside and puts a bit of distance between the building and herself before she leans her palms on her knees to catch her breath.
It takes everything I have not to run to her.
But she steps off the walkway into the grass. She adjusts the weight of her backpack and lifts her face to the sky. She closes her eyes.
And at just that instant, a cloud parts overhead, and a beam of California golden-hour light showers down on her. I watch her chest rise and fall, her nostrils flare with the intake of oxygen.
Summer is perfect. All perfect pieces assembled in exactly the right way. She’s perfectly complicated. Layer upon layer of discovery. She’s the one I’ve always wanted—the only one I’ve ever wanted.
When Summer lowers her face, she must sense my presence. She turns toward me and locks her eyes on mine.
She sees me.
I wait for a sign of what’s about to unfold. Seconds tick by. Her expression remains impassive, but no matter how this goes down, I’m immensely grateful to see that she’s alive and safe.
I’m afraid to draw breath. If I do, she might turn away from me.
Again.
My instinct is to shower her in another big gesture, lift her up in my arms and kiss her senseless. I think I know better. This isn’t the time for more of my over-the-top antics. It’s the time for patience, love, and support.
For listening to whatever it is she has to say to me.
Don’t push me aside, Summer. Please, baby, don’t throw it all away.
I ache from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.
I’m sick with worry, feeling like my future is perched on the head of a pin in the middle of a raging windstorm.
Whatever I see next on Summer’s face will tell me where I go from here, whether I get another shot or if it’s all about to come crashing down around me.
Should I see relief spread in her expression, I’ll be okay. I’ll never let her go. But if she’s angry about how I betrayed her wishes and tracked her down, then I’ll have no choice but to find a way to set her free.
How I’ll ever be able to do that, I have no fucking clue.
She squints, and her brows crinkle, and I almost scream out in defeat. But I quickly realize she’s only doubting her own eyes. I’m a surprise. She’s shocked.
I don’t trust time itself. The seconds move too slow and fly by too fast, all at once, and all beyond my control. I’m walking a tightrope without a fucking net.
Then I detect how Summer’s face softens, ever so slightly. The breeze sends strands of her brunette hair away from her cheek. Declan, she mouths and tips her head in question.
I nod. Still not breathing. Fighting the desire to call out her name and run to her. I hold back, because the last thing I want to do is disrupt this delicate balance.
She shakes her head slowly. And then a miracle happens.
Her shoulders drop in relief. Summer smiles.
She runs to me, and I exhale, throwing open my arms, ready to catch her. But when she reaches me, she stops, pushes me to the side of the gate entrance, and extends her palm to tell me to keep my distance.
“Wait.” She’s breathing hard. “I’m so sorry, Declan.”
“You never need to apologize to me.”
“Bullshit, flyboy. I do. In fact, we should both agree, right here and now, that it’s okay to ask for permission and ask for forgiveness, if it’s the right thing to do. Otherwise, this marriage of ours is going to be crap on a stick.”
“Well spoken. Poetic, even. Understood and agreed. So you’re not angry that I’m here?”
She snorts softly. “I knew you’d try. I just had no idea you’d be successful this fast.”
“You know I’m gifted.”
“You can fly a jet with your mind—I remember.”
I want to touch her. If I don’t touch her in the next ten seconds, I worry I’ll turn to dust and blow away. But she shakes her head.
“I need something from you first, Declan.”
“Anything. It’s yours.”
“Good. But this is something that doesn’t cost a dime or require a ride on a jet. Just answers to a couple simple questions. But I don’t want some bullshit whatever-makes-Summer-happy kind of Declan answers. Can you do that for me?”
“Yes, ma’am. No bullshit. Nothing that might accidentally make you happy.”
She levels her gaze at me, intense and direct. “Why do you want to be with me for the long haul?”
I start to answer, but she cuts me off.
“I know you want to fuck me ten ways to Sunday, but I mean other long-haul reasons. Like on a quiet night sometime in the future, when you’re settled back in your home, and you look around and suddenly notice that it’s too quiet.
That there are no little Declans running around and there never will be.
At some point, you’re going to feel the hole in your life. ”
“Wait—”
“And feeling sorry for me or stubbornly hanging on to a vow you made to Beyoncé when you were blackout drunk in Vegas isn’t going to fill that hole.
And on that quiet night in the future, the only thing that will give you comfort and prevent you from regretting your decision to stay with me—the only thing that will stop you from hating my freaking guts—is if you’re absolutely sure… that I’m worth it.”
Her eyes have gone steely.
All right. I take a breath. This is where the rubber meets the road.
I need to answer correctly, and with the right words, or I’m a goner.
It reminds me of that sneaky pop quiz my seventh-grade science teacher gave us.
At the top of the paper it said in big, bold letters: READ ALL INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE STARTING QUIZ.
Since I was too smart to need instructions, I whipped through the quiz, got every answer right, and got an “F.” Because the instructions said I didn’t need to take the test.
I was robbed.
“You understand what I’m saying, Declan? You have to dig real deep inside you and weigh it out. Am I worth that much to you?”
“Is this where I’m allowed to talk?”
“Yes, because I’m hungry.” She crosses her arms under her breasts and rests her weight on one foot. “Are you going to answer?”
“I’m sorry, what was the question? Something about fucking you ten ways to Sunday?”
“Declan…” she begins, but I grab her around her middle and pull her tight against me.
“Summer really is the perfect name for you. You’ve always been my warmth and my light. When you’re gone, my world turns to black ice.”
She raises her arms and clasps her hands behind my neck.
“Are you worth it? Are you crazy? Yes, yes, a million times yes, you are worth it. I’d give up anything and everything else in my life—my planes, my work, the ranch, my home and everything I have and everything I am—if it meant I could convince you to stay at my side.
Can I tell you something that you might not know about yourself? ”
One corner of her mouth hitches. “Do I have a choice?”
“It would be impossible for me not to love you, even if I wanted to! You’re stuck with me, baby.
And yes, it’s a burning hot passion on Sunday and Tuesday and every day, hot enough to last two lifetimes.
But you know that’s just the starting point for us—you’re my best friend, my ride or die, and my number one drinking buddy, though I think those days are behind us.
Plus, you’re my wife. Did I mention that?
And I’m your husband. Now, I have a question for you. ”
She tips her chin up. “Have at it, flyboy.”
I brush a strand of hair away from my wife’s lovely face. There’s a knot in my throat. My chest burns with rising emotion. I found her. “I know we’ve gotten off to a weird start with our marriage, and we’ve had a lot to deal with. I’m pretty sure we got dicked by the dangling dong of destiny.”
“Agreed. Did you just make that up?”
“A while ago, but I’ve been saving it for the right moment.”
“Nice.”
“But I thank the heavens every day that we did what we did, and we are where we are. I don’t give a damn what the future holds as long as we’re in it together.
That said, I’m the one kicking past my coverage in this partnership and I damn well know it.
I’m not worth a second look from a woman as fine as yourself, but I’ll deny I ever said that because I don’t want to give you an excuse to leave me. ”
I shut up and study her face. I don’t know if I’ve convinced her.
“So what’s the question?”
“What?”
“You said you had a question for me.”
“Oh! Right. Here it is—will you do me the honor of marrying me again, Summer? For real?”
“Yes. I do. I mean, I will. But there’s something you have to know first.”
I pull her in closer. Her soft hair brushes along the tops of my hands. “Tell me.”
“I have a lot of healing to do, Declan. The emotional kind. Only now do I understand just how much. Please be patient with me. I’ll work really hard at it, but if you’re with me, I know I can do it.”
I tuck her into the front of me. She turns to rest her cheek against my chest, and I shelter her with my body and my heart.
“You can do anything you set your mind on, Summer.” I kiss her hair. “And whatever you need from me, whatever it takes, you’ve got it.”