17 #2
“Don’t do it to him, then. But you don’t have to carry this alone,” Shawn says, and casts a skeptical look around, like he sees a wealth of other options that I can’t.
“You don’t have to carry this at all. Be a little bit selfish, for once.
You know? You could even go after that girl you’re in love with. It’s your life, after all.”
God, I want so badly just to be selfish, but it can’t come at the cost of Ava’s feelings, her safety. If I love her enough to want the best for her, I should let her go.
He talks about choosing myself like I’m not the one currently paying for the consequences of his choices. Of course he would advocate for burning bridges.
“You don’t need to forgive me. I’m not gonna ask you for that. But let me help. Let me be there.”
That’s the last thing I want. I don’t trust him to be able to handle anything and not just disappear when things get too difficult again.
I pull in a long breath that’s not nearly calming enough, letting it out slowly as I scrub a hand over my face.
Family, family, family. I’d heard too much about how family was everything.
They were the weight of the world. I have been keeping things running, making sure our family is provided for, never asking anything of anyone.
I couldn’t even rely on Aiden to show up consistently for his warehouse duties.
How could I push all my duties off onto him?
If I were to do as he suggested, I don’t know that I could contain myself to merely burning bridges. I’d rather burn it all down. I don’t know how I could leave unless there wasn’t anything left to come back to.
The thought is so absurd, it almost makes me smile. It’s tempting in the same way Ava’s daydream of running away together was. It’s so easy to want.
My gaze drifts from Shawn to the small, framed photo of Celine on my desk. I told Celine I would call her when I was ready, when I was finally certain. Until Ava, she’d been the only choice I’d ever made for myself. But in so many ways, Celine was a choice I’d made because of my family.
“. . . You’re right.”
He opens his mouth as if he’s about to refute that but closes it. Shawn blinks, genuinely surprised. “I am?”
“Yeah. I quit. I’m done.”
The way the color drains from his face is almost as satisfying as I’d like it to be. “Whoa, whoa, back up. There’s no way you mean that. Really?”
“No fucking takebacks, dude. And do me a favor, lock the building up, will you?” I tell him, standing. I scoop up the keys from my desk and toss them to him.
Shawn glances from me to the keys, before a smile dawns on him. “Alright. I’ll leave a light on at home for you.”
On my way out, I dial Celine’s number, and it rings several times. Her family is so similar to mine, it wouldn’t be surprising if she’s already prepared to weather the full moon. When the voicemail prompts me to leave her a message, I make it brief.
“I’ve made up my mind, and I don’t need any more time. I have a proposal for you.”
I don’t know if Celine will return my message, if she’s even willing to hear from me. Once again, my future hinges on her answer, but there’s no one else I’m willing to rely on for something so important.
For tonight, the woods would have to do. I carry the chain deep into its shadows, listening to its cold clinks with every step. I hope Ava is home with her door locked.
At least by now, there’s a fence up, lining the edge of the brewery private property. Between it and the tortured howling, hopefully that’ll deter anyone from finding me outside.
I stop at a familiar spot, not far from some well-worn tire tracks and a service road.
There’s a tree with an old, thick trunk that I can loop the majority of the chain around, before securing it to myself.
The heavy links pinch at my flesh, but I’m sure that will be the least of my concerns, with how soon night is falling.
Even a bare glance of moonlight heats my blood, wakes the wolf.
The full moon plagues my body, straining against the chain and the tree, itching to pace restlessly, to gnaw at my worries.
I’m speared by the sight of it rising above the trees, and my fingers curl into a fist to contain the claws pressing at my fingertips.
Now, to wait the night out.
It’s hard to keep my mind from drifting to Ava, the memory of leaving her alone in her cabin.
I don’t know how Shawn can weather a full moon near Elise, if this is what it feels like to have a mate.
I suppose he’s spent more time actively trying to control his wolf around humans than I have.
Agitation paces within my veins, circling the edge of the confines I’ve built for myself.
I doubt the decision to end things with Ava every time I make it, even now as I try to convince myself it’s done, it’s all over.
It’s better that I did, I insist to myself.
I can’t be near her. Not during the day, and especially not when I’m about to lose the last scrap of humanity I have to the moon.
It’s quiet, but not quite peaceful, when I hear something. The distant groan of an abused and ignored engine rumbles closer than it should.
“Logan!”
I turn and catch sight of the old, battered truck slowly bouncing over the uneven dirt as it creeps up the hill, the one working headlight barely penetrating through the trees. There’s the almost unrecognizable shape of the dog crate rattling unsecured in the bed.
Brakes screeching as the truck trundles to a stop, the door pops open.
Ava.