Chapter 7 #4
‘I think I do it well because I’m genuinely interested in people.
And I try to do things that challenge and scare me, so I push myself and my boundaries to find out more about myself.
Not in a dangerous way, in a being open to new things way.
If people can sense I have adventure in me, I think they’re happier to open up about the adventure in themselves.
We bounce off each other then. A sort of trust forms, where they don’t feel vulnerable because I’m giving away just as much of myself as they are themselves.
It makes the conversation more fun for them and definitely for anyone else listening, because they also get the dynamic between us, along with our own personal stories and takes on things. ’
‘Makes sense,’ he says on another moan of pain, as I press hard between his shoulder blades.
‘The way I see it, you’ve got to build and foster a community. The most important thing is to not become lonely. Especially as you get older. Or depression will set in. Keep busy, keep sociable and have a purpose.’
‘And that’s what you’re doing with your show? Building a community?’
‘Yeah. I guess it is. With a million strangers. But I’ll never be lonely.’
‘You know they’re not really your friends though, right?’ He glances round at me with a teasing grin on his face.
‘I do. I have no illusions where that’s concerned. But I’ve met a few people in real life after meeting them online and they’ve become actual friends. I know not everyone will and I don’t have the capacity for a million real-life friends anyway. Just a handful is enough.’
‘Yeah. That’s been my experience too. I really value the few good friends I have.’
‘Like Kit and Elliot, you mean?’
‘Yeah. They’ve been through this crazy journey with me and they’re my wing-men. They keep me grounded.’
‘Tell me some more about them. I’m intrigued to know more about the people you’ve chosen to be your friends.’
‘Okay. Sure. Well, Kit’s a really fun guy – always up for a laugh.
He’s really competitive with his siblings too, who are both at the top of their respective careers, so he was very driven to beat them when we were at uni.
Deep down, he’s a really sound, kind person, even though he can come across as a bit dickish sometimes – especially if you don’t get his sense of humour.
That doesn’t appear to repel women though, he’s very popular with them. ’
‘A bit of a player?’
‘I guess you could say that about him when he was younger. But he’s a good guy. He doesn’t treat people badly. He’s actually very respectful towards women.’
‘I’m glad to hear it.’
‘Elliot’s a very different fish.’
‘In what way?’
‘He’s not disrespectful, but he has very little time for women and relationships. They don’t seem to interest him.’
‘Huh. Really?’
‘Yeah, well, he had a tough upbringing, so he’s had to work really hard for everything he’s got.
Kit and I are from financially secure backgrounds, but Elliot’s from a single-parent family and he’s the third-born of four kids and his dad’s never had anything to do with him.
He’s a bit of a locked box when it comes to how he’s feeling, which makes it tough to get close to him.
He likes to have his space and can go AWOL for long periods of time when he needs to get away from the hustle of life. ’
‘Sounds like a fascinating guy. But maybe a bit of a grumpy loner?’
Raffa lets out a low snort of laughter. ‘I’m sure he’d probably agree with you on that.
He’s definitely a very determined dude. Driven.
Just like me and Kit. I guess that’s why we all clicked so well at uni.
We were on the same degree course, then formed a company to develop and launch Elliot’s app once we’d graduated.
Kit was the money-man, Elliot the genius coder and ideas man, and I ran the show as CEO. We were a dream team.’
‘Sounds like you miss it.’
He tilts his head in contemplation. ‘I do, but once we sold the company it felt right for us to all go off and do our own things. Elliot’s aim has always been to run a hotel chain.
I’m not entirely sure why. But he’s ploughed all his money into it and it seems to be going really well, if this place is anything to go by. ’
‘Yeah, it’s incredible here. Thanks again for bringing me. It’s been a great experience so far.’
He turns to look at me again, his eyes shining with warmth. ‘It’s my absolute pleasure.’
My heart turns over and a sudden rush of frustration at not being allowed to lean down and kiss him floods through me.
Giving his shoulders a gentle pat to signify that I’ve finished the massage, I take a step away from him.
My senses feel jangled, like they’ve been assaulted with too much stimulation, and I perform a fake yawn behind my hand, needing some space from him and the intensity of this situation now.
‘Sorry, but my energy levels have gone through the floor. I should probably go and chill in my room and let you get back to work.’
I could swear he looks disappointed by that suggestion, but he quickly hides his flicker of reaction with a nod and a smile.
He’s on his best behaviour, which I both appreciate and am incredibly frustrated by, in equal measure.
What I really want is for him to say, Fuck it. Don’t go to bed on your own. Come and get into mine with me, and then kiss me.
And more.
Much more.
But he doesn’t.