Chapter 19 #2
‘What? Wait, wait. Give me one second.’ There was a click as the light was turned on. ‘Right. Go.’
She told her about her suspicions. ‘He doesn’t respect my work and I think he’s been patronising me under the guise of being supportive all this time.’
‘Oh, mate. You’ve had a hell of a time, haven’t you?’ Nyssa said. ‘First of all, are you okay?’
Now the tears came. ‘I don’t know!’ Kalpana grabbed the tissue box off the bedside table and mopped her eyes. ‘I feel humiliated.’
‘Don’t be.’
‘I can’t believe I thought he was a good person.’
Nyssa didn’t say anything for a moment. The hesitation made Kalpana ask, ‘What? You didn’t think he was a good person?’
‘I … I didn’t want to say anything because you seemed to really like him but … he was kind of an arse.’
‘In … in what way?’
‘I … sorta knew that he didn’t respect you. He treated you like … a prize poodle or something. “Just look at my cool girlfriend”, you know. And the way he used to talk about you to your parents … like he was in on some massive joke with them. It really gave me the ick.’
How had she not noticed any of this before? Had she been so starstruck by him? Was her self-esteem so low that any attention from someone famous made her turn off her critical faculties? Depressingly, the answer was probably yes.
‘And, and,’ Nyssa said, ‘when he met the rest of us, he treated us like he was a lordling and we were peasants. He was so bloody patronising. All the bloody time!’
‘Why didn’t I see that?’ Kalpana said. ‘What is wrong with me?’
Nyssa let out a long breath. ‘You liked him. I can understand why. He’s handsome and rich and famous and he clearly fancied you.
I’m not surprised you were flattered. And when you told your parents, they were proud of you.
Which, let’s face it, is a big deal for you.
They never approve of anything you do and suddenly, you were dating this person that made them think more of you.
I can totally understand why you didn’t want to see the negatives. ’
Kalpana put her head in her hands. ‘I thought I was more sensible than that.’
‘Kally, you are sensible. Very sensible, most of the time. But this guy … he hit all your most vulnerable insecurities all at the same time. You didn’t stand a chance.’
Kalpana thought about it and then shuddered. ‘To think, if I hadn’t realised, I would have married him.’
‘Yeah. I’m sorry. I should have tried harder to tell you.’
‘It was Sampath that made me think about it. He was so supportive and he loved my books so much. He gave me back my confidence in my writing. Once that happened, I guess I found my way back.’
‘Sampath the hot wedding planner? Interesting. Tell me more.’
She told Nyssa about what had happened that night at the villa. ‘He told me all about his sister and just like that – it came back. It’s like I’d believed that my writing was worthless and then he told me how it changed his sister’s life.’
‘That’s incredible. All of the times I told you your writing made people happy and you didn’t believe me, huh?’
‘You’re my friend. You’re supposed to always be supportive. Sampath doesn’t have to. Besides … if you’d seen his face when he said it.’ She thought of the way his eyes filled with tears, the crack in his voice. ‘He really meant it.’
‘See. You do make a difference,’ Nyssa said. ‘You can’t let Marcus tell you it’s worthless.’
‘He said that too.’
‘What? Marcus directly said your writing was worthless? That bastard.’ Now Nyssa was shouting. ‘I thought I was imagining the backhanded comments, but if he actually said—’
‘No, no.’ Kalpana squeezed her eyes shut and reopened them. ‘Sampath said I shouldn’t let anyone tell me my work was worthless. I didn’t realise that he was talking about Marcus at the time.’
He had been subtly pointing out what Marcus was doing to her and she hadn’t noticed. She thought of the way Sampath defended her, both her writing and her in general. The way he was always there. How many times had he told her that she was enough?
She thought about the warmth of his hand over hers as he showed her how to play carrom.
About the way she felt connected to him, even though he was careful to keep his distance.
Of the way her shoulders loosened when she was with him.
And, inevitably, she thought of him pulling his shirt off to wring it out.
Who was she kidding? She fancied Sampath.
She hadn’t been in love with Marcus for ages – if she even had been at all.
Marrying Marcus would be a stupid thing to do.
She was pretty sure Sampath liked her too … but then why had he tried to help her repair her relationship with Marcus? If he wanted to be with her, he wouldn’t have done that, would he?
‘Kally? Kalpana? Are you still there?’
She had forgotten about Nyssa. ‘I’m still here. Sorry. I was just thinking.’
‘About Marcus?’
‘No.’
‘Oookay … What’s going on?’
Kalpana tipped her head back against the headboard. ‘Don’t judge me,’ she said.
‘Never.’
‘It’s about Sampath.’ Once she started to tell Nyssa about him, things just poured out of her.
Nyssa listened with only the occasional gasp or giggle. When Kalpana finally stopped talking, her face flaming, Nyssa said, ‘Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. You are totally into this guy.’
‘I know. I’m so ashamed of myself. I thought I was better than this, but it turns out I have no control of my emotions whatsoever.’
‘Woah. Wait. No. Don’t beat yourself up like that. Think about it. How many attractive men have you met in your life? Many, right?’
‘Not that many … but, okay, a few.’
‘And how many have you fallen for?’
‘Are we counting Marcus?’
‘I suppose we have to,’ Nyssa said, grudgingly. ‘Although I’d argue that he had an unfair advantage being famous and beloved by your parents.’
‘Then three.’
‘The guy you dated when you were nineteen doesn’t count.’
‘Okay, then two.’
‘So you don’t fall for every handsome face you see. Marcus, we’ve discussed already. Maybe, Sampath is worth considering. You know, you’re clearly attracted to him. He might well be attracted to you by the sound of things.’
She thought of the look in his eyes that afternoon. It had been brief, but the hunger there had been obvious. ‘I think, maybe.’
‘You and Marcus are clearly not going to get married. So why not give into your feelings and see what happens with Sampath?’
‘I’m a terrible person,’ said Kalpana. ‘I’ve been unfaithful to Marcus.’
‘You have? What happened?’
‘Nothing happened. I meant, in my mind. I’ve been thinking about Sampath so much in the past few days. I tried not to. But … I can’t help it.’
Nyssa made an impatient noise. ‘So dump Marcus. Talk to the hot wedding planner.’
‘I sort of did,’ Kalpana said. ‘Well, I asked him if my second thoughts about Marcus were normal and he told me they were and that I should talk to Marcus about what I want from the wedding …’
‘He’s a wedding planner. He’s your wedding planner. What did you expect him to say?’
‘I know, I know, but … I’m so confused.’ She sighed. ‘The only thing I’m not confused about is that I don’t want to marry Marcus. And I’m stuck here with him for the next three days. He’ll ignore me most of the time, he’s always on his phone.’
‘I think you really need to talk to him. It’s probably for the best that Sampath isn’t around to cloud your judgement. Talk to Marcus. See if you can come to an amicable agreement; postpone the wedding or split up, whichever is best.’
Kalpana sighed. ‘You’re right.’ She had known that this was the outcome for a while now.
It was time she faced up to it. She looked at Marcus’s laptop, which was still on the table.
She couldn’t stay with him. She didn’t love him.
She was attracted to someone else. Even if that was only a passing infatuation, it was a signal that she shouldn’t marry Marcus.
She spoke to Nyssa for a bit longer and hung up. Sliding off the bed, she made her way towards the laptop. She may as well reply to the rest of the emails that she’d been ignoring. Marcus would be back soon enough. She would talk to him then. Hopefully, he will listen this time.