Chapter 6 Avoidance
Avoidance
Tasha
Saturday
Me to Seb: CU at the rehearsal dinner
I mute the girl chat. I mute the wedding planner. I mute my family, including my cousin.
I don’t want to deal.
I don’t want to think. I mean, I need to think, but don’t even know where to start.
I don’t mute Seb. Maybe, that’s a sign? I can mute everyone else in my life, but not him.
Six hours until everyone starts arriving by helicopter.
Eight hours until the rehearsal dinner.
I lay out my clothes for the dinner, change into running gear, and set my alarm for five hours.
I can sneak back, shower and be ready before Jess and the others come looking for me.
That gives me five hours to explore Lizard Island, avoid Seb and awkward conversations, and find somewhere I can escape to when peopling gets too much.
I just have to make it through the dinner with a fake smile, do my job tomorrow as bridesmaid, and then see if Seb still wants to see me once we get back to Sydney.
Or not.
Maybe, this was my one and only chance, and by Sunday night, he’ll be done with me.
Seb: Think it will rain?
His first random text arrives when I’ve walked the second of the twenty-six beaches. Huh? He wants to talk weather? No. I know Seb. He’s keeping the lines of communication open, with no pressure. Where there’s banter, I choose to believe there’s hope.
Me: On their parade?
Seb: Purple won’t go with the bride’s choice of pink
I snort a laugh.
Me: Her prince won’t care
Seb: You can rain over me anytime
As much as I want space to think, I like the way Seb is just there. No pressure to talk. No questions about why I raced off while he slept. He’s just … Seb.
So why aren’t I dragging him to the nearest bed? It’s not because I still love or miss Connor. Almost as soon as Connor ended things, I accepted his decision to move in a direction that didn’t include me. Two years later and it’s their betrayal that hurts, not losing him.
The pain I still feel from losing my baby is boxed up inside my heart. It’s not a loss I want to get over. More, that I’m learning to live with the loss and hold out hope that one day I will bring a gurgling baby home from the hospital to a loving family.
Me: You can set fire to it
Seb: It’s not November
Me: no response
Seb: come on, where’s the fun in that?
Do I? The wedding rehearsal is in a couple of hours.
I leave him on read while I keep walking the beaches. Lizard Island is spectacular. The kind of spectacular that feels unfair when you’re carrying something heavy. Blue water, white sand, the kind of quiet that amplifies everything you’re trying not to think.
I like that Seb hasn’t given up. He’s giving me the right blend of space and caring.
Me: find me at midnight
It’s time to head to my bungalow and get ready for the rehearsal before hiding away from my friends.
Seb: best offer I’ve had all year
Me: I was talking about the song
Seb: you made me an offer
Seb: I accept
Me: I’ll leave you singing in the
Seb: have you ever seen the rain
Seb: in Spain
Seb: on a summer day
Seb: from a train
I almost trip over my own feet because I’m smiling and laughing, and Seb is … being Seb.
Me: the purple rain
Me: in Spain
Me: does not preclude the vain
Me: from singing on the train
Seb: bravo
Seb: points for trying
Seb: lunch?
Me: CU at the rehearsal dinner
Seb: why Natasha Forrest RU asking me out on a date?
Seb: if so, I accept
As I wash and condition my hair, I go back over the reasons for coming here three days early.
To accept the past. To bury my pain. To draw a line in the sand so I can step over it and start living again.
And now that he’s here, yes, to see if there could be more than a friendly spark with Seb.
Me running didn’t scare him off. So why would the truth?
Almost as if he’s reading my mind, there’s a new text from Seb waiting for me once I’m dressed and ready to leave.
Seb: can you see this cloud [image]
Me: yes [image]
Seb: then you’re not alone
Elena to GirlChat: Earth to Mel
Elena: Did Mel tell anyone why she wasn’t on the flight to Lizard today?
Olivia: I saw her get a text and rush off. Mel??? RUOK???
Lyssa: Anyone asked Gabe?
Jess: Why ask her ex-husband?
Lyssa: Because I’m not asking her asshole boyfriend. Sorry Mel, but he can’t do better and you can’t do worse.
Elena: Reminder that Mel is still a member of this group. Mel, we love you. Whatever happened, we miss you and are thinking of you.
Lyssa: Love you Mel.
Jess: Anything we can do, let us know.
Olivia: Hunter and I send our love. Do you want us to check in on The Restaurant?
Olivia: Tash, we need proof of life
Lyssa: did you or didn’t you with Seb?
Olivia: you still haven’t answered. RUOK?
Notification of an updated RSVP comes through before I put my phone away. Finley asked me to handle any changes to her seating plan. Guest list drama or dealing with my Seb feelings?
Mel’s RSVP’d no.
Me to Mel: Just saw your declined RSVP. Haven’t told the others. Are you okay?
Mel to Me: Not everyone can lose their beloved sister and their biggest mistake in one week but I’ve always been an overachiever
Mel’s twin, Ella, is the other half of her soul. I can’t even find the words to address her loss, so I go for the sarcastic humor that only close friends can get away with.
Me to Mel: You broke up with the asshole?
Mel to Me: better late than never.
Mel to Me: I can’t believe she’s gone. She was the good sister. The good wife. The amazing mother. If cancer had to take one of us, why couldn’t it take me?
I need to say something. I guess even bad words are better than no words.
Me: I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine. I only met Ella a couple of times, but she seemed like an amazing sister, friend, wife, and mother. If you need to talk, day or night
Mel: Won’t you be too busy with Seb?
Me: [closes phone]