Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Thirteen
JESSA
A s I drove onto Ellie’s road, my hands grew clammy, and my stomach churned nervously. I shook my arms in an attempt to get rid of the feelings, but they remained.
“Knock it off,” I told myself. “This is not you.”
I got out of the car, straightened my sundress, took a deep breath, and headed for the back yard, determined that everything would be exactly as it had been before last night.
But then I rounded the side of the house and spotted Ethan helping set up chairs in the yard beneath the treehouse. I kid you not, my heart ached, like some kind of lovesick yearning fool in one of the movies Ellie loved so much. And I didn’t like it. Not one bit. It took me back to my early feelings for Cody, which only reminded me what a disaster that had turned out to be. I did not want that to happen with Ethan. It would be even worse if we dated and it didn’t work out because he would always be in my life because of Ellie.
No, it was better to pretend nothing happened and go back to the way things were.
He looked over at me, and the most radiant smile spread across his face.
“Oh, crap,” I muttered to myself as the butterflies took up residence in my stomach again.
I turned my focus toward the girls and made my way across the yard to them.
“Yay! All my bridesmaids are here!” Ellie’s face lit up. “Now, we just need the rest of the guys.”
“How was your shop?” Penny asked.
“All good. Just debris. Did you get all the arrangements made?”
“We did.”
“Hey.” Ethan was suddenly at my side, and the butterflies danced at the sound of his voice. His arm brushed against mine, and it felt like the static electricity from the lightning last night, making all the hairs on my arm stand on end.
I crossed my arms over my chest, hoping nobody would notice my reaction.
The girls exchanged glances. Penny’s lips were pressed together, Ellie had a stupid grin on her face, and Tally was giving us a sweet closed-mouth smile. I wished I hadn’t opened my mouth about kissing him because this was beyond awkward.
“I just remembered, I need to print out the order of the ceremony for everyone,” Ellie announced. “Penny, Tally, can you help me?”
“What about me?” I asked as she took hold of their arms and tugged them toward the house.
“I only need a couple people to help.”
“To help do what? Click the print button?” I gave her a dirty look.
“Be right back,” Ellie called over her shoulder.
“What was that all about?” Ethan moved so we were face-to-face.
“Ellie being Ellie.” I looked out across the lawn, not wanting to meet his eyes.
“How’s your ankle?” he asked.
I lifted it a little. “Fine. It barely even hurts.”
“I’m glad.”
Still, I refused to look at him.
“Did you mean what you said in your text? That you’ve been thinking about me?” he asked.
I glanced his way briefly. “I mean … yeah, I was just worried about you. Yesterday was rough.”
He stepped a little closer. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
“Take another step, and you’ll get kneed,” I warned.
“I know you need me.” He chuckled.
“Don’t get smart with me.” I made the mistake of looking at him again, and his gaze was so intense, I couldn’t look away. I didn’t want to.
“I know what you’re doing, but it won’t work,” he said.
I nervously shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “And what am I doing?”
His eyes never left mine. “Pushing me away. Pretending you don’t feel what I do.”
“You mean obnoxiously upbeat and positive about everything?”
He leaned closer, and his voice dropped low and vibrated through my body. “I mean insanely attracted to each other.”
With that, he turned and walked away, leaving me irritatingly affected. I couldn’t even think of a witty comeback. I just stood there, flustered, watching him walk away as the girls came back outside.
I walked toward them, digging deep for the usual straight-faced Jessa.
They watched Ethan walk across the lawn then looked at me as we met.
“Everything okay there?” Penny asked.
I nodded.
They kept looking at me as if waiting for me to say more. Though I often kept my true feelings inside, they knew me well enough to know I was hiding the truth that day. Thankfully, they let it go as the family and the rest of the wedding party arrived.
I tried to keep my eyes off Ethan, but I found myself watching him carry those chairs and admiring his muscular physique. When he finished lining up another row, his eyes lifted to look at me, and our gazes locked.
“Hey, Jessa.” Cash stepped into my line of sight and greeted me with a smile.
“You’re not in the ceremony.” It was the first thing that popped into my head.
“No, but Ellie invited the whole band to the rehearsal dinner.”
“That was nice of her.”
“And we are performing a few songs during the reception.”
“Oh, that’s right.”
I caught sight of Ethan over Cash’s shoulder, and he didn’t look happy.
“Maybe when we’re done playing tomorrow night, you’ll save me a dance.” Cash’s tone was so hopeful.
“Uh …” My stomach was suddenly all nerved up, and I avoided eye contact. Why did I feel like I was doing something wrong agreeing to dance with Cash?
My gaze traveled to Ethan again, and Cash glanced over his shoulder to see where my attention had gone.
He turned back to me with a look of realization. “Or not.”
I gave him a little closed-mouth smile.
“Time to line up!” Ellie announced as she rounded everyone up to get the rehearsal underway.
I was relieved for the interruption and that Cash seemed to get it without me having to spell it out. As nice a guy as Cash was, I was too mixed up over Ethan right now.
We lined up in the back, and Ellie explained the order of the ceremony and where we would all stand in the lineup.
I hated how nervous standing next to Ethan made me now. Every time I looked over at him, he was either watching me or had a smug expression on his face that told me he knew I was uncomfortable.
The music for the first round of rehearsal began, and Ethan held his elbow out to escort me down the aisle. I didn’t take it at first, but when I noticed that the others were doing the same, I wound my hand around his arm.
“You’re unusually quiet,” he said as we waited to walk the aisle.
“I’m just doing what Ellie asks of me.” I didn’t look at him at first, but I could tell his eyes were on me, and I gave in and glanced over at him.
“You look really pretty tonight.”
I yanked my hand out of his elbow. “Can you not?”
“Can I not what?”
“Just do your duty as a groomsman, and I’ll do mine as a bridesmaid, okay?”
“I’m lucky,” he said with a grin. “I get to walk down the aisle with the most beautiful girl in town. I can’t help it if that makes me happy.”
“You’re always happy.”
He tilted his head a little. “Well, you know that’s not true.”
I knew, so I stayed quiet after that.
Ethan offered me his elbow again as it was almost our turn to walk down the aisle, and I took it. He reached over and covered my hand with his as we walked. It felt very protective and intimate, and even though I had the urge to pull my hand away again, I didn’t fight it this time. In fact, I enjoyed the feeling. But in my head, I was telling myself not to get used to being close to him because it wouldn’t work with us. It couldn’t happen.
We went our separate ways at the front of the aisle, and I took my place with the girls while he walked back to meet Ellie by the house to escort her down the aisle.
Halfway across the lawn, he stopped in his tracks. Fits of laughter erupted from those watching the rehearsal.
“Someone’s trying to steal your groom, Ellie!” Ethan declared as Runaround Sue, the town turkey, waddled her way to the aisle and headed our way.
“Hey!” Ellie cried. “Stay away from my man, Sue!”
Ethan, Lucas, and Jake tried to shoo her away, but she made it all the way to the front and Cooper moved beside her, crouched down, and smiled while everyone took pictures.
Ellie marched down the aisle, laughing. “Okay, Sue, you’ve had your moment.” She waved her hands at the turkey.
“Quit being a home wrecker.” Penny clapped her hands.
“Think of your family,” Tally said.
I stomped closer and whistled loudly with my fingers, and that seemed to do the trick.
Everyone cheered as Sue ran off, and Cooper and Ellie hugged and cracked up.
“Most memorable wedding crasher ever,” he said.
“Better the rehearsal than the wedding,” Ellie said seriously. “Now, let’s try that again. Places, everyone!”
Runaround Sue crashing the rehearsal had definitely lightened the mood, but despite Ethan’s every attempt to joke with me about the turkey and get me to laugh, I purposely remained standoffish.
We made our way down the aisle again, and when we were all in place, the pastor went over the order of the ceremony. All the while, I kept my eyes on Ellie and Cooper, telling myself I wouldn’t look at Ethan. Until I did. His gaze made my stomach flip, which made me angry with myself.
When it was time to practice the recessional at the end of the ceremony, we took turns walking to the center and meeting up with our groomsman. Ethan’s smile was ridiculous, and my cheeks warmed, as if people could tell something had happened between us. The girls were just as bad, giving me knowing glances. And from the looks on the guys’ faces, I wondered if they knew too. All of this attention was making me flustered and annoyed. I wanted to go back to the way things were before, but with every gaze into the clear blue orbs of Ethan’s eyes, I had the feeling I was going to fail miserably.
Jimmy’s Cafe catered the rehearsal dinner in the Sweet family’s back yard. Under the strings of bare bulbs draped across the space, tables covered in white linens were decorated with vases filled with several varieties of dahlias and zinnias in shades of pink—from Abbott Farm, of course. It looked pretty magical. A large tent had also been set up toward the back of their yard, but it was mostly empty until tomorrow morning when the wedding decorating would begin.
I took a seat at the table with Ellie and Cooper, and Tally and Jake. It didn’t usually bother me that I was alone among all of the happy couples, but tonight felt different.
“Hey.” Ethan took the open spot next to me and bumped my arm with his elbow.
“Hey.” There was that annoying stomach flip again. “How do you know I wasn’t saving that seat for someone?”
“Like who?”
I tilted my head in Cash’s direction.
Ethan’s eyes followed where I was looking, and he frowned. “Too bad.” He pointed at the gift in front of him and the card that read his name. “Assigned seating.”
“There’s no rule that says you can’t move tables. I’m sure Kassie would be happy if you sat by her.”
He looked into my eyes. “I’m happy right where I’m at.”
“I’ll move then.” His proximity was throwing me off.
“No, you won’t,” Ellie snapped. “You’re staying at my table.”
“Then Ethan has to go.” I knew how dumb that sounded.
“If you want me gone, you’ll have to physically remove me.” He gripped the edge of his seat and wrapped his ankles around the legs of the chair.
“Could you be more childish?” I was fully aware of how hypocritical that question was.
His eyes shot to mine. “Who’s being childish, Jessalyn?”
I narrowed my eyes at his use of my full name, but he had every right to call me out.
“What is happening right now?” Penny asked as she and Luke sat down at the table.
I looked over at my friends and saw the disappointment on Ellie’s face.
“You guys promised you’d get along,” she said sadly.
“I’m sorry, Ell,” Ethan replied.
I felt embarrassed, angry, and discombobulated. “I’m sorry, Ellie.” I stood and walked toward the house.
“Jessa.” Ellie’s voice was softer.
I looked over my shoulder at her. “I just need a minute.”
In the bathroom, I stared at my face in the mirror. What was wrong with me? Why was I letting one stupid kiss with Ethan affect me so much? Why did that sweet yet sexy tone in his voice make me feel like melting into a puddle on the floor? Why was I suddenly turning into Ellie with all her swooning over a guy?
I took a deep breath and blew it out.
“Okay. I can do this. I can ignore Ethan’s comments and get through this wedding, and then everything will go back to normal again.” I glared at myself. “It has to.”
When I emerged from the house, Ethan grabbed my hand and pulled me around the corner into the shadows.
“What are you doing?” I tried to tug my hand out of his grip.
“What was that?” he demanded as he let go.
“What do you mean?” I looked away, but he stepped into my personal space.
I took a step back, and he followed. I took another and so did he. Another and another until my back was against the side of the house and his body was inches from mine.
“Why are you fighting this?” His voice was so soft and tender. It set off a yearning within me that I’d never experienced before.
But still, I wrestled against it. “Because it’s you and me, Ethan. It would never work. One of us would hurt the other, and we’d always have to see each other because of Ellie. Can’t we just leave things the way they are?”
“Why do you think we’d hurt each other?”
“You know what I’m like, Ethan. Why would you want to get involved with me anyway?”
His hand tenderly cupped my cheek. “Why wouldn’t I?”
I angled away from his touch. “Look, you deserve better than me. I picture you with some sweet girl from your church, holding hands, sitting in the pew next to each other, while you’re smiling over at your 2.5 kids, who will play in this back yard, and climb up in that treehouse. Happily ever after.”
“Why can’t you be the girl in that picture?”
“I’m not that kind of girl, Ethan.”
“And what kind of girl is that?”
“The kind that stays home and takes care of the house and kids.”
“I’m just talking about spending time together to see where this goes,” he said. “How did this suddenly turn into you being a stay-at-home mom?”
“Because that’s what guys want. I know that’s what you want. But I’m not sure I can do that. So you’ll just end up leaving me, which is why we shouldn’t get involved to begin with. You think you want me now, but I’ll be a disappointment in the end.”
Ethan rested both hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. “Is that what happened with Cody?”
I didn’t have to reply for him to know it was.
He pressed his lips together, dropped his hands, and spun away from me. When he faced me again, I caught the anger in his eyes, the way his body had tensed, and how his hands formed into fists. And then he looked at me and drew me toward him, surrounding me with his strong arms, tucking me firmly against his chest, rubbing his hands up and down my back.
My knee-jerk reaction was to wiggle out of his grip, but I loosely placed my arms around his waist. Hugs and affection weren’t normal for me. But I stayed right there in the warmth of his embrace because, for once, I felt safe.
“I didn’t tell you that to make you feel sorry for me. I told you to explain why we won’t work.”
“I don’t feel sorry for you. I want to go punch Cody Cunningham’s stupid face right now.”
I chuckled and burrowed my head into the curve of his neck.
“Jessa,” he whispered with his lips against my ear. “You are not now and will never be a disappointment. Not to me. Not to any of us who love you.”
I lifted my head to look at him, surprised by his use of the L -word.
“I have no expectations,” he continued, “I just know I’ve never felt this way with anyone before, and I think not giving this a try would be irresponsible of us.”
“Irresponsible, huh?” I managed a smirk.
“Totally. If we ignore these feelings, we could be missing out on the greatest love story of all time.”
I laughed. “Now you sound like your sister.”
“Don’t you want to see if I’m right?” He twisted a section of my hair around his finger, which sent pleasant shivers up my spine.
“But what if you’re wrong?” I whispered as he leaned closer, his breath warming my face.
“I’m not.” His lower lip brushed against my top one, and my stomach bottomed out.
The sound of silverware clinking against glasses followed by cheers interrupted our moment. The happy couple had no doubt shared a kiss, and we were supposed to be out there celebrating with them.
I let out a deep breath and stepped out of his arms. “We should get back.”
He took my hands in his and squeezed. “We’ll talk more after.”
Our gazes held for a few long moments, and then I let my hands slip from his and walked out of the shadows toward our friends. All the while, my mind whirled.
I almost let him kiss me. I’d wanted it too. But he hadn’t been completely honest with me. Ethan wasn’t a “no expectations” kind of guy. He was a big feelings, all in from the start, serious relationship guy. And that wasn’t me.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
That was a close one.