Chapter Thirty-One – Mira
Chapter Thirty-One
Mira
My heart ached as I bandaged wounds and applied natural poultices. Some of the wounded were beyond help, and all I could do was kneel on the grass beside them and offer prayers to the Sorceress. Entreating her to ease their pain and guide them into the afterlife.
It felt sorely inadequate, but the shifters seemed to appreciate my prayers all the same. The young woman I had been praying for grasped my hand with weak fingers.
‘Thank you,’ she said, nothing more than a wheeze of breath. ‘Your Majesty.’
No shifter had said those words to me before, and they cracked something open deep in my chest. You should blame me , I wanted to say to her. You should hate me for bringing death and destruction to your home.
But all I could do was smile, offering the only reassurance I could. ‘You will be with the Sorceress soon,’ I murmured, hoping that my words weren’t a lie. Hoping that she really would find peace.
I squeezed her hand until it went limp in mine. Then I rose and approached the next.
And the next.
It was only when the lamps were lit that I realised how late it was. But I couldn’t rest. Not while my people were suffering. If they could endure such unimaginable pain, then I could endure too. I would endure.
Thankfully, the woman in front of me wasn’t as badly hurt as the others. Reaching for the poultice contained on a large leaf, I dabbed the thick green substance on the wound gouged in her shoulder. She didn’t even flinch, but her other hand rose to touch my face, drawing my gaze down to hers.
‘My daughter . . .’ Her voice faltered. ‘Her name was Inola. Will you pray for her?’
‘Of course,’ I vowed, and I hated Scarlett in that moment. Hated her and Roran, and all the atrocities they had committed in the name of power.
‘I should have known.’ I looked up to see Cassius standing over me, his midnight-blue eyes searing into mine. ‘What do you think you’re doing, Mira?’
I blinked blearily up at him. Tired – I was so tired.
‘I’m helping,’ I said. ‘In the only way I can.’
‘No.’ Cassius’s voice was dangerous. ‘You’re past the point of helping.’ His gaze raked over me, then the groaning shifters nearby. ‘You look like you’re about to join them. I’m of half a mind to set up a pallet for you right here.’
‘Don’t be dramatic,’ I said, rising to my feet. ‘I’m perfectly–’
Cassius took hold of me a second before my legs crumpled.
He muttered some choice words under his breath and led me away from the wounded, ignoring my protests. Approaching Sionnach, who was issuing orders to a group of female shifters, Cassius said firmly, ‘I’m taking Mira to get some rest. I trust you have no objections?’
Sionnach’s honey-brown eyes narrowed as they fell on me. It was the same intent expression she had worn when assessing the severity of the wounded under her care, and it was disconcerting to have it levelled on me. And embarrassing .
‘Really,’ I said, ‘I’m fine. I only need to sit down for a moment–’
‘You’ve been here almost as long as I have, and you have none of my experience or training as a healer. You are most certainly not fine.’ Sionnach turned to Cassius as if I wasn’t even there. ‘Feel free to stay in any of the intact dwellings. Take whatever sustenance you need.’
Cassius nodded, but I pulled free of his steadying grasp. ‘What about the ritual?’
Sionnach considered me. ‘It can wait until tomorrow. There is too much to do as it is, and you need to be well rested to have the best chance of survival. Meet me here at dawn and I will escort you to the temple.’ With that, she returned her attention to the healers gathered around her.
The dismissal was clear. It also rankled, since I didn’t appreciate being treated like a child who needed coddling.
But I didn’t argue as Cassius steered me between splintered wooden huts and blazing pyres for the dead Ravalian Warriors. And graves. So many graves.
‘It’s not your fault,’ Cassius said softly, and I knew the anguish was obvious on my face. ‘This was Roran’s doing. You don’t have to punish yourself for it.’
‘I was trying to help my people,’ I said, whirling on him. ‘To save as many as I could–’
‘I understand that,’ Cassius replied, his voice frustratingly calm. ‘But I also think that you blame yourself for what happened, and there’s a kind of masochistic relief in pushing yourself to your limits.’
‘And what would you know about any of that?’ I retorted, not caring that I was being cruel. Not as people grieved and died around me, driving the dagger of my guilt in deeper.
‘You think I don’t know what it feels like to lose friends in battle?
’ A hint of anger sparked in Cassius’s face.
‘You think my father didn’t make sure I learnt that lesson early – that being a ruler means making decisions that will cost lives?
He hammered that lesson in, Mira, until everyone I cared about was taken from me.
He hammered it in until I had to become desensitised to death or let it break me. ’
I backed away from him, as if I could back away from that terrible truth. As if I could separate myself from it.
‘Being a ruler comes with many luxuries,’ Cassius continued ruthlessly, ‘but peace of mind is not one of them. You have to decide if you’re strong enough to accept that.
If you’re willing to bear that burden for the sake of your people’s survival.
Because that is the true weight of wearing a crown. ’
Cassius said nothing else as he added food to our saddlebags and took a waterskin from beside a nearby fire, approaching the steps carved into the trees. He gestured for me to lead the way, positioning himself reassuringly at my back.
I climbed slowly, relying heavily on the vines for support. Though lamps gleamed from the overhead branches, and most of the dwellings were still intact, the treetops felt desolate and empty. Tainted by the absence of everyone who had died.
My eyes lingered on the central platform where Thoren had fallen. Where Aric had–
I cut off the thought. I didn’t want to think about Aric – couldn’t bear it.
Cassius paused in front of a small tree house that appeared undisturbed. It was clearly a calculated choice; facing away from the decimated village and over the forest beyond, the lamps casting everything in a warm haze.
Taking a seat on the high wooden platform surrounding the dwelling, I drew my knees protectively to my chest. Cassius unpacked the food he had brought: an assortment of native fruits and some skewers of meat still hot from the coals.
The boards creaked as he took a seat by my side, stretching his legs out in front of him.
‘Eat something, Mira,’ he instructed in that light drawl of his. ‘You’re making me nervous.’
Rolling a red fruit contemplatively in my hand, I asked, ‘Do you think I made a mistake? Asking Odessa to leave for the Kalurian palace?’
‘I think,’ Cassius said after a pause, ‘that Odessa’s Mask training makes her an obvious choice for clandestine work. If anyone can infiltrate Roran’s palace and keep an eye on Scarlett, it’s her.’
I sucked in a breath of the crisp night air. ‘I still should have sent Jadis with her.’
‘Jadis needed to return to the Temple, so she can inform Velanthe of the deal you made with Scarlett. Besides, without Mask training, she would only have been a liability to Odessa.’ Cassius’s tone was indulgent; he knew I was already aware of this.
Just as he knew I needed to hear it again anyway.
To try and rid myself of the guilt that came from sending my friends into danger.
‘Careful,’ Cassius warned as I reached for a discarded wineskin. ‘You’ll want a clear mind tomorrow, if this ritual is as dangerous as Sionnach seems to believe.’
‘Actually,’ I said, lifting it to my lips, ‘I think a clear mind is exactly what I don’t want.’ I closed my eyes, delighting in the burn of the alcohol and the pleasant way it muddled my thoughts.
‘What do you mean?’
Angling my face away from Cassius’s too intent gaze, I refocused on the food he had laid out like a picnic. I snacked on a meat skewer, wondering if I could change the subject. But I already knew it wouldn’t be that simple.
‘To commune with the Sorceress,’ I admitted, ‘I have to be in a state near death.’ Cassius waited expectantly for me to continue, his face giving away nothing.
‘Apparently there’s a body of water near the shifter’s temple, where they worship the Sorceress.
That’s where they take the prospective clan leaders.
They’re weighted down somehow and kept underwater until they either drown – or the Sorceress saves them, and they resurface as clan leader. ’
Silence descended, broken only by the creak of the wooden boards as Cassius stood. I deliberately kept my gaze on the lush forest in front of me, extending all the way to the darkening horizon.
‘There are other options,’ Cassius said at last. ‘Ones that don’t require you to face almost certain death.’
‘What would you suggest?’ I had once told Cassius that he had the uncanny ability to make light of absolutely everything . But there was nothing light or irreverent about the way he was looking at me now.
‘You could leave Kalure.’ The glow of the lamps highlighted the angular features of his face, and the concern shadowing his eyes. ‘We both could.’
‘You don’t mean that. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve wanted power–’
‘What if I told you,’ Cassius interrupted in a low voice, ‘that I want something else more?’
The intensity in his eyes made it clear that something was me. For a second, all I could do was blink at him.
Then I laughed. It sounded slightly hysterical.
‘If you expect me to believe that, you’re–’
Cassius let out a frustrated sigh. Then he whirled around and kissed me.