Chapter Thirty-Five – Mira
Chapter Thirty-Five
Mira
We rode all through the night.
Cassius didn’t question my breakneck pace, though I knew he placed less weight on the Sorceress’s warning.
Despite my tiredness, and my screaming muscles, I wasn’t taking any chances.
Selussa had said that my survival depended on reaching the Temple quickly – and now that I was officially clan leader, I refused to risk victory slipping out of my grasp.
With the Council of Ancients also having pledged their support, and that of all the shifters who answered to them, we finally had a real shot at defeating Roran.
When dawn began to lighten the horizon, Cassius and I dismounted to set up a makeshift camp – little more than a brief rest stop before we continued, allowing us to make use of the dried meat and apples the shifters had included in our saddlebags.
We ate in companionable silence as the forest seemed to wake up around us, filling with the trilling sounds of distant birds.
Once I finished, I picked up my sword and ran through a series of practice movements until my arms were as tired as my legs, conscious of Cassius’s gaze on me the entire time.
Neither of us had spoken about the night before my ritual, or how far our intimacy had almost gone. It was easier that way. Easier to pretend it hadn’t happened – even if I couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it. About him .
‘What made you want to become a Warrior?’ A seemingly idle question, but I could hear the curiosity in his voice.
I stepped to the side and executed a particularly fluid strike before parrying, imagining that I was blocking an invisible sword.
‘I liked the idea of dedicating my life to a worthy cause. When the Warriors visited Aldara, they seemed so strong and fierce – untouchable. And I believed in their supposed values of honour and integrity. I thought that if I joined them, I could protect the people who needed it.’
Dark blue eyes slid to mine. ‘Like you and your mother.’
I nodded. Cassius already knew about my transient upbringing – had asked me about the places I had travelled to, the various roles I’d embodied. I had the sense that he was fascinated by how different my experiences were to his upbringing in the Ravalian Court.
‘And now you’re a ruler,’ he said after a contemplative pause. ‘It seems you got your wish after all.’
I hadn’t thought about it like that, but he was right. As queen, I could make a real difference. What worthier cause was there than dedicating my life to a country? To serving and improving the lives of an entire population?
‘You mentioned that you wanted your father’s throne for the wrong reasons,’ I ventured, setting down my sword. It was a dangerous topic, and I almost stopped right there. But I pressed on. ‘Do you still want to rule the Ravalian Empire?’
Cassius looked as though he was seriously considering the question.
‘I love my country,’ he said at last. ‘I think it could become spectacular, under the right leadership. Look at the theatres we have in the capital, the craftsmen and artists. If we were to stop focusing on conquering and expanding and instead turn our attention inwards, Ravalia could be a golden example of a prosperous and enlightened country.’
I blinked at him. It felt almost as if I was seeing Cassius for the first time, and I realised that I had been wrong.
It wasn’t a matter of which version of him was real – the nonchalant prince who delighted in luxurious parties and sensation, or the more serious strategist I had come to know over the past few weeks.
They were both part of him – two halves of the whole.
The soft grass brushed my skin as I rejoined Cassius in the middle of the meadow. ‘The parties you threw, the dancers and artists . . . I thought it was just for show. For indulgence.’
A faint smile. ‘I told you, Mira: in the Ravalian Court, you can’t reveal what you truly care about.
Far better for my family to think of me as a spoilt prince, spending their coin for my own entertainment.
Not that it was all an act, exactly. Being a second son comes with a certain amount of freedom; it seemed a shame not to take advantage. ’
‘Of course it did,’ I said dryly.
Cassius took hold of my arms and drew me back against his chest, just like he had that night in the tree house. I stiffened; there was something far more intimate about him holding me like this in the daylight. I knew I should pull away, but–
‘You know,’ he murmured against my ear, ‘the Ravalian Court isn’t as terrible as you think it is.
The courtiers are like sheep; they follow the lead of whoever sits on the throne.
My father empowered the generals and focused his attention on conquest, so the court had a high tolerance for bloodshed.
My mother, meanwhile, elevated her own position through entertaining her favourite ladies and unleashing her petty brand of vindictiveness on the others.
Between my parents, the court was both cruel and self-indulgent. ’
I considered that in silence. Wondering whether some of the courtiers had a greater depth and kindness to them that might emerge under the right leadership.
Then I realised what I was thinking. I turned to confront Cassius. ‘I hope this isn’t your way of trying to convince me to restore you to the Ravalian throne.’
He held up his hands in a gesture of innocence. ‘I would never presume such a thing.’
I suspected he would presume a great deal, where power was concerned. Rising to my feet, I studied Cassius. He leant back on his forearms, stretching out in a languid pose that masked that dangerous, calculating mind of his. His face was the epitome of handsome carelessness.
My eyes narrowed. How guilty I had felt about sneaking out the morning of the ritual – but I had been right to do it, just as I was right not to take him at face value now.
Despite his supposed acquiescence, he had still tried to dive in after me.
He was quite capable of promising one thing and doing another.
Cassius was watching me closely. ‘I’ve been trying to do things differently. To prove myself to you .’
‘And yet,’ I retorted, ‘you went against my wishes during the ritual. I saw the way the shifters had you restrained.’ A hint of incredulous anger entered my voice. ‘What were you thinking ? The shifters could have killed you for trying to interfere.’
‘I was thinking that you were dying.’ Cassius’s gaze, usually unreadable, was filled with searing heat.
He stood and closed the distance between us in three easy strides.
‘I’m more selfish than you are, Mira,’ he said ruthlessly, pinning me between his body and the tree at my back.
‘I would rather watch the world burn than watch you sacrifice yourself to save it.’
For a moment, I could only stare at him. My breathing quickened, but it was no longer from anger.
Cassius’s eyes dropped to my lips, and I was suddenly very conscious of how close we were. But he looked away from me with an exasperated exhale, raking a hand through his golden-blond hair.
‘Sometimes, Mira,’ he said, ‘I don’t think you value your own life. But I value it. And I won’t apologise for putting you first.’ Without another word, he stalked past me into the forest.
I sagged back against the tree. Was Cassius right? Was I still punishing myself for everything I had done back in the Ravalian Court, and devaluing my own life as a result?
After ten minutes passed and Cassius didn’t return, I picked up a waterskin and retreated deeper into the forest.
It was quieter here, and the sighing of the wind in the trees was peaceful. Grounding. Perhaps practising my natural magic would calm my mind further. Perhaps then I would be able to set aside Cassius’s accusations.
I sat cross-legged on the mossy ground and closed my eyes. Almost immediately, I felt more attuned to my surroundings. To my surprise, I could sense the life around me: the insects on the forest floor, the birds in the trees, even a few larger mammals that I had no name for.
Time became meaningless as my awareness widened, stretching outwards until I seemed to leave my body behind. I was so much a part of everything around me that I–
A faint splash jerked me out of my trancelike state. I sat up suddenly, my body humming with irritation.
I wandered towards the sound, parting the branches in front of me until I saw a lake glistening amongst the trees. In the faint early morning light it was particularly striking, a clear sky blue that reminded me of the Sorceress’s magic.
I noticed Cassius about the same time he noticed me. His gaze locked with mine as he resurfaced, water dripping invitingly down his face and onto the chiselled planes of his bare chest.
‘You’re welcome to join me, Mira.’
It was an invitation I would be reckless to accept. But Cassius’s smile was full of the same knowing amusement as the night of the coupling dance, and I realised that he didn’t think I was going to do it.
That made the decision for me.
Taking satisfaction in the flicker of surprise that crossed his face, I discarded my weapons on the bank. Then I slowly stripped out of my clothes, never shifting my gaze from his.
Cassius’s intent stare heated my blood. I felt intensely vulnerable as it raked over my naked skin.
Whatever he might have seen of my body previously, this was different.
An intense, considered appraisal that made me feel as if he was exploring every inch of me with his eyes, mapping out exactly where he would like to touch me – what he would like to do to me.
With a start, I realised that I was imagining it too: the places his lips and hands might linger, the sensations he would stir to life–
Deliberately looking away from him, I dropped my filthy clothing to the ground. It had been almost two days since I last had the opportunity to bathe, and the lake did look dangerously inviting.
Especially with Cassius in it.