Chapter 25
I’ve missed you so much
I can’t go in. I can’t drag Connor back into my drama.
It was selfish to come here. He’s only just got his life back after last time, and now you want to steamroll your way back in?
I stare at the front of the restaurant. It’s beautiful.
The original wooden window frames are painted sky blue, and hanging baskets, window boxes and pots overflow with colourful flowers.
There’s a white sign over the door with the words ‘The Nightingale’ written in loopy black writing, and gentle chatter and laughter floats out of the open windows onto the street.
I can’t ruin this by barging in with my busted head and day-old clothes.
And yet that’s exactly what I do. I don’t mean to.
But my legs start moving of their own accord towards the front door, and I’m powerless to stop them, because as much as I know I’m being selfish, I also know that all I want right now is Connor.
I walk through the restaurant, past crowded tables full of happy people enjoying their meals and realise I must have come during the lunchtime rush.
Shit. This couldn’t be worse timing.
I look around for any sign of Connor, but there’s none, which isn’t surprising. Assuming he’s in the kitchen and, not having the nerve to just walk in there looking for him, I turn to find someone I can ask.
Just leave, he won’t want to see you anyway!
My chest loosens just a little when I spot a familiar face carrying a tray of empty plates towards me. I force a smile and give a little wave. Recognising me, Owen smiles back, but it falters when he sees my bruises.
“Are you alright, Matilda?” he asks, taking in my entire dishevelled appearance.
“I’m fine,” I manage to say, not even fully registering that he knows my name. I’m trying to hold back my tears so I don’t cause a scene, but Owen’s looking at me with such kindness, I don’t know how long I’ll last. “Is Connor working today?”
Owen nods. “He is. I’ll get him for you right away.”
He scurries through the door marked ‘Staff Only’ and I stand waiting awkwardly. I take a minute to get a hold of myself, willing my eyes to dry out, but it’s useless. I’m a wreck. Maybe I should make a run for it before I embarrass myself even more?
With that thought, the door behind me swings open and I turn to see Connor standing stock-still only two feet away from me.
Neither of us speaks as he slowly looks me up and down.
I watch the expression on his face change from surprise at my being here, to confusion at my rumpled clothes, to outright fury when he looks at my battered face.
His eyes flicker between my bruised eye and the bloody gash on my head and his jaw tenses.
“Did he do this to you?” he grinds out through clenched teeth. “I’ll fucking kill him.”
Honestly, given the look of rage on his face, I believe him. If Rhys were in the vicinity, he’d be neck-deep in trouble.
I want to tell him it’s not what he thinks.
I want to explain everything. But my emotions get the better of me and I break down completely, sobbing into my hands, barely able to breathe.
Connor reaches out to catch me before my knees give out underneath me and guides me through a fire exit into the alley at the back of the building.
I slump down the brick wall and crouch on the floor, putting my head in my hands so Connor can’t see me.
My breath comes in ragged heaves, combining with my concussion to make me even more dizzy than before.
All I can think about is how much I’ve messed up my life and how that must be because it’s what I deserve.
And now I’ve come here and involved Connor again. Stupid, stupid, stupid…
“Tilly!” I hear Connor speaking, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. I’m too far gone.
“…stupid, stupid,” I mutter without meaning to.
“Hey, Tilly, stop.” Connor grabs my wrists and forces my hands away from my face. I let my filthy hair fall in front of my face as a barrier, but he just holds my wrists in one hand and brushes my hair away with the other. “Tilly, look at me.”
“I’m so sorry,” I sob. “I’m so fucking stupid… stupid, stupid…” I try to pull my hands away from his grasp, but his hold is too tight. I struggle for a few seconds before admitting defeat.
“Tilly, I don’t know what’s going on, and you’re worrying me.
What exactly are you apologising for?” Connor’s tone is calm, soothing.
He leans in when he speaks to me, and I smell his comforting scent.
Like a creep, I take a deep sniff and immediately feel the effects.
My racing heart starts to slow. My lungs don’t burn as much as oxygen finally starts to fill them. My tears slow down.
“I’m sorry for coming here,” I finally say. “I shouldn’t have bothered you. I’m so stupid…”
“Stop that,” Connor says firmly. My wrists still wrapped in one of his hands, presumably so I don’t hurt myself.
He uses his other to cup my cheek, careful not to touch my bruise.
“You’re not stupid, so stop trying to convince yourself that you are.
And as for bothering me…” He huffs a disbelieving breath and gently turns my face so our eyes meet.
“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve stared at that front door and wished you’d walk through it?
How many times I’ve thought about turning up outside your house or work just so I could see you? ”
Connor traces a gentle finger over my bruised eye and flinches when he examines the cut disappearing into my hair.
“Now that I see this, I wish I had,” he continues quietly. “I should have looked out for you better, Til, I’m so sorry. But he won’t get away with it. As soon as I get you settled at home, I’ll sort this.”
The rage filtering back into his voice scares me. Not that I think he would hurt me, but I definitely think he would hurt Rhys, and I can’t have Connor getting into trouble over me.
“It’s not like that,” I try to argue, but my head is banging so much it’s hard to speak.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to defend him…”
“No, he didn’t touch me,” I say, my eyes closing at the pain.
Connor holds my face between his hands. “Promise me?”
I nod weakly. “I promise.”
Connor pulls me forward into his chest, and I melt into him, feeling a hundred times better already. He holds me tightly and I feel his chest rise and fall against mine. I try to match my breathing to his, and I’m soon calm. Well, as calm as can be expected, given the circumstances.
“Let me take you home?” I stiffen at the word ‘home’, assuming he means the home I shared with Rhys. Sensing my unease, he adds quickly, “Our home. Please let me look after you, Tilly. Let me take you home and keep you safe?”
I nod into his shoulder.
“Good.” Connor gives me a squeeze of approval but makes no move to let me go.
“You’re going to have to tell me what the hell happened to you soon you know, Tilly?
Because every time I see that bruise on your beautiful face, I want to smash something, and that something might end up being Rhys’s face. ”
“It wasn’t his fault. I fell at the gym, Rhys wasn’t even there.”
I don’t know if it’s the trauma of the day, my head injury or being so comfortable in Connor’s arms, but my eyes start to get heavy, and I have to stifle a yawn.
“Right,” Connor says, noticing how tired I am. “Let’s get you home to bed.”
“Aren’t you in the middle of a shift?” I ask, suddenly panicking. I can’t have Connor losing his job over my silly problems.
Connor stands up and waves a hand dismissively. “I never use my holiday time, and I haven’t had a sick day since I started here. They owe me. Now come on, sleepyhead.” He pulls me up and supports me with an arm around my back, letting his hand fall on my waist.
“You don’t have to do that, I’m too—”
“If you say ‘heavy’ I’m going to be livid,” he says, giving me a serious look.
I decide to save my energy and stay quiet, letting him help me back into the restaurant. He leaves me sitting at an empty booth for five minutes while he talks to his boss and gets his keys, and then we’re on our way home.
The drive is quiet but not awkward. Every now and then, Connor looks my way as if he’s checking for something, but he doesn’t say anything, and I pretend I don’t notice.
When we pull up to his house, he rushes around to the passenger door and helps me out.
I’m so exhausted that I let him help me inside and blindly follow him up the stairs.
It’s only when we get to the top of the landing and turn right that I take in my surroundings.
My old room was to the left of the stairs, so why are we going right?
“Where are we going?” I ask weakly.
“You’re staying in my room where I can keep an eye on you,” Connor says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“What?”
“No ulterior motive, Til,” Connor quickly explains. “But you have a head injury, and you seem really sad, and I haven’t seen you for weeks. I… I just want to keep you close for a while. Is that okay?”
I look up at his face and realise how vulnerable he looks. He looks at me with such genuine affection, I feel like I couldn’t deny him anything. I wouldn’t want to. In the short time we’ve been friends, Connor has become my safe place, more than Rhys ever has in our entire marriage.
“Yeah, that’s okay,” I say with a small smile. I tuck myself further under his arm and I feel his body relax.
Connor leads me to his room and opens the door. His bedroom is surprisingly tidy, with everything in its place bar a couple of T-shirts thrown across his bed. He quickly picks them up and throws them into his laundry hamper, then he grabs my hand and pulls me towards the bed.
He gestures to the bed. “Do you have a side preference?”
“Well, Rhys always wanted to sleep closest to the window…”
“That doesn’t answer my question. Do you have a side preference?”
“Erm, left?” I’m honestly not sure. I’ve never really considered what my preference would be, I just went along with what made Rhys happy.
“Okay, left it is.” Connor pulls back the covers on the left side. “Sit.”
I do as I’m told and take a seat on the edge of the bed.
Before I have chance to do it myself, Connor kneels in front of me and carefully unlaces and removes my trainers.
Silently, he lifts my legs by the ankles and manoeuvres me so I’m lying down.
I let my head sink into the pillow, and I’m enveloped by Connor’s smell.
I breathe it in and let Connor cover me with the duvet.
He heads to the window and pulls the curtains closed.
Once the room is in darkness, Connor makes his way back to the bed and climbs in beside me.
I don’t object when he presses his firm body against mine, or when he puts his arms around me.
I let him push his face into my hair and don’t flinch when he kisses the top of my head.
For the first time in a long while, I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be.
“Go to sleep, baby. We’ll sort everything out when you’re feeling better.”
“I’m already feeling better,” I admit sleepily.
There’s a pause, and I wonder if Connor heard me, but then he responds quietly. “I’m glad. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you stay that way. I’ve missed you so much, Tilly.”
“I’ve missed you too. You’re such a good friend, thank you for being there for me.”
There’s another pause as Connor squeezes me tight and rests his forehead against my hair. “Get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”