Chapter 17
How could Jace be missing?
"That's why we were trying to reach you," Carter explains. "I would've found himself myself, but I'm not familiar with his scent. Apparently, he took off and turned off his phone. His parents can't find him, so they called Ashton and Sasha who called me."
This can't be happening.
After tonight, that's the last thing I wish to hear. Anxiety like I have never felt sends my mind reeling. My heart pounds so loudly that it deafens me, the pressure increasing until it feels like my head will pop.
No positive thought comes to mind though there is no way the attack at Lativa could be linked. Still, I take no such risk making a mental checklist of everyone who knows what Jace is to me.
So far, it's only my dad, the current leaders and my friends.
"Stop panicking," Ash urges, adopting a gentle tone to keep me from flying off the handle. "It might not be serious. Try calling him."
I rub my face, grinning in disbelief at my own stupidity. He needed me and I dismissed him. "He messaged earlier and asked me to meet him –"
The words die on my tongue as reality sets in.
The panic won't subside unless I hear his voice, assured of his safety.
Fishing out my phone, I dial his number, but after three failed attempts that heighten my worry, I sprint home like a madman ignoring the burn and tug of my injuries.
With my advanced healing as a Were, those stitches and scrapes should be closing up quickly.
Once home, I change out of the dirty, bloodied clothes, rinse off the dried blood, and set out to find him, leaving a note for Dad.
I have to find Jace for the sake of my own sanity.
The attack earlier tonight plagues my mind, all sorts of nightmare fuel images taking up headspace.
Images of him kidnapped, confused and terrified of why he'd been taken. But as I drive farther away from Marcana, I find comfort in a single string of rationality. Our bond isn't as strong as it should be but it's solid enough to the point that if his pain or distress is significant, I'll know.
Wherever he is, he's unharmed and most likely safe.
I put my phone on speaker, calling his number numerous times to no avail. His phone is switched off and while the panic subsides, it continues to loom right beneath the surface waiting to jump up at the first sign of trouble.
The streets at this time of night are somewhat lively with little traffic allowing me to get through easily.
Had Jace been a werewolf, the bond between us would be stronger and there would be less trouble narrowing down his location within a heartbeat. But it won't strengthen until he acknowledges our bond. Luckily, I'm sufficiently familiar with his scent.
Rolling down the windows, I sniff the air each time I turn onto a different street.
Instinct, at first, guides me, taking me past the center of town to the other side, in the direction of where the human communities are located.
I'm driving through the first human neighborhood when I pick up something faint but familiar.
The search leads me closer to the coast, past the human neighborhoods, past the boardwalk and to a section of the beach that has no beach houses and little development. There are more trees and overgrown bushes where Jace's scent is strongest.
Closer to the cliffside, his scent takes on a life of its own. Another onslaught of terrifying images flash through my mind when I notice how far away from the nearest house I've driven.
What if he got another migraine and passed out?
Why would he venture this far away to such a secluded part of the beach?
There could be robbers and rogues milling around in the darkness.
Parking on the side of the street, both sides flanked with thick shrub and tall trees, grass reaching up to my torso, I get out taking note that it's pitch black out here and a human would have a difficult time peering through the darkness.
He's in the most secluded and undeveloped part of the beach so I reach for my phone, switching on the flashlight. I have excellent night vision, but I don't need to be spooking him with tensions this high.
Shuffling through the brush and trees, there's a narrow, sandy pathway with trampled grass and twigs. Breaking out onto the sandy shore, I survey the area and spot a dark figure seated on a fallen tree log, staring out at the ocean.
The flashlight's beam catches the person's attention and they're on their feet the next second, assuming a defensive position, ready to run at the first sign of danger. The ocean breeze picks up and his scent hits me with the full force of a winding punch.
It's sweet. Delectable. Just like him.
"Jace?"
He peers back, remaining put and on guard.
"Sky? Is that you?" His voice conveys hesitation and uncertainty, but he has no idea the relief that rushes over me so devastatingly fast that it leaves me lightheaded.
Stomping forward, I take him into my arms, relishing the feel of the bond doing its work to quell the anxiety.
One hand on his lower back, the other behind his neck, I hold him tight.
He goes rigid, freezing up at the sudden embrace.
It lasts mere seconds but it's long enough for my crazy beating heart to settle and the pain in my side and arm to return.
The pain, however, pales in comparison to the relief.
"Never do that again!" I scold him harsher than intended, vexation gnawing at me as I release him.
"Sky –"
"You cause a lot of trouble, Conner!" I'm irate with worry because this boy and his disappearing act nearly pushed me to the brink of a panic attack.
The last time panic attacks were a problem was following my mother's death. I was plagued by nightmares for two years which led me to having episodic panic attacks. With a bit of work and Dad's unwavering support, I vanquished those nightmares.
"We tried calling you!" I continue scolding, our faces inches apart. My hands grip his biceps tight, and I can see perfectly that my reaction stuns him as much as it frightens him. He's gone silent, staring at me like he doesn't know who or what he's looking at.
Still, I don't relent. I'm too worked up. To high on...well, everything. He needs to know that he can't just disappear on us...on me like that. "You scared us half to death disappearing like that. Why didn't you have the basic courtesy to let us know you were safe?"
A string of mumbled profanities fall from my mouth as I turn to face the ocean, swearing up and down that at this rate, I'll start sprouting grays before the year is out. I need to calm down because as much as he scared me, this isn't about me.
He's going through something. It's evident he's come out here to clear his head and doesn't need to take anymore bullshit.
"Were you worried about me?" come Jace's question, his voice soft and gentle, but filled with genuine curiosity.
I whip back around to face him "You're damn right I was worried! First you take off on your own without telling anyone where you're going, and then you message me asking to meet up. Everyone's been trying to find you, Jace!"
A dizzy spell suddenly hits me, and it's clear that the blood loss is affecting me more than expected. I'm exhausted from the day's events, and my arm and side are blazing from a searing burn. I want to sleep, and don't feel like moving much, but that feeling of relief bombards me once more.
At least he's safe.
Expelling a deep sigh, I gently grip his wrists and bring his hands to my face, placing his palms against my cheeks.
I close my eyes, savoring the warmth of his skin against mine, letting those tiny electrical shocks simmer my panic and his scent to envelope me completely, stroking those anxious feelings into quiet submission.
His touch is innocent, filled with uncertainty that matches his surprise at my nonchalance over a gesture that's so profoundly intimate, yet equally innocent and heartfelt.
Jace doesn't retreat or push me away.
"I've had quite the night. Do you have any idea how worried I was when they said you were missing?"
He's silent for a few moments, and to that, I say nothing. We stay as we are, his proximity and the touch of his hand working its magic. Evaporating every last shred of panic and worry.
"I'm sorry," he apologizes in a whisper, the regret heavy in his voice. "I didn't mean to scare you. It's just..." His words fall away, and we're engulfed in a comfortable silence, only the gentle sway of the tree leaves in the wind, and the crashing ocean waves.
"Just what? Tell me."
He's hesitant with a downcast gaze, and he bites his lip in doubt. Over the crashing waves and gentle ocean breeze, I pick up the sound of his heartbeat, louder and irregular for a mere split second.
"What did you want earlier?" I prod, letting his hands slip away.
"Nothing. I just..." He steals a glance before starting to pick at his open palm, feelings of nervousness radiating from him. "I wanted to see you."
Why does he keep this side of himself hidden? This is the real Jace Conner. He's sweet and mindful, innocent yet bold, bashful but feisty. The mate bond hadn't gotten it wrong.
He's perfect.
A smile creeps onto my face but his reluctance to say what truly bothers him isn't lost to me. Our relationship is a comfortable one. I don't force him to speak when he doesn't feel to, but he knows he can freely speak his mind with me.
"You can tell me, you know. I won't judge you."
"It's not that. It's just...nothing." He shakes his head and rubs his hands together, shooting a coy glance my way. "But will you stay with me for a bit? I don't feel like being alone right now."
"Can I at least take you back home?"
Jace turns away. "I don't want to go home right now."
I'm not happy that he wants to stay out here.
We're out in the open in one of the most undeveloped, uninhabited parts of the beach and there isn't even a fucking streetlight on this part of the stretch.
Who knows which perverts or dangers could be lurking in the darkness using the trees and overgrown brush as cover?
If I had the keys to my family's beach house, we could definitely stay there.
Exhausted and injured, and out here with a mate who looks like his whole world is crashing and burning, I can only pray that nothing jumps out at us.
The attack at Lativa has left me with a heightened sense of paranoia.
Before, it dangled like fish bait on the edge of a hook when Marcana and Lativa started talking peace terms and alliances, and that Jessop's presence in my life again rattled the sturdy foundation I'd managed to build.
I won't be getting much sleep tonight and that's alright because Jace is worth one thousand sleepless nights.
"Alright. Walk with me to get something, then."
He gives a small "Okay," manning the flashlight on my phone. He follows closely as we trotted back to the street, him shining the light along the pathway.
To him, I'm human, too. Not a creature from mythical folklore stereotyped and made a pop-culture icon in movies and books with some ridiculous stereotypes. Pop-culture loves to reinforce the idea that if you shoot us with regular bullets, we'll heal almost instantly.
Fucking bullshit! If we get shot in the head or heart with a bullet, silver or not, it'll kill us like it would a human.
We're simply stronger and faster, with higher rates of healing and acute senses. In our Were forms, we typically stand at nine or ten feet tall, and our wolf forms, depending on rank and ancestral bloodline, could grow up to six feet.
We're a genetically inhuman species, but we're not frigging unkillable.
And we don't shift once a month 'under the light of a full moon.' We can shift whenever we want, wherever we want. That's another stereotyped myth I hate.
"Should I ask why you have a blanket in your trunk?" Jace queries, peering into the back of the SUV.
"Do you want to know? I don't want you getting jealous, though." My retort makes him blush, his coy behavior a dead giveaway that my teasing affects him. He bites his bottom lip and looks away. I can sense the mild thrum of irritation bubbling beneath the surface.
But there's also a flutter of something else and there's no mistaking the jealous undertone when he asked, "You didn't do anything weird with it, right?"
My ego bolsters exponentially, and I'm not about to pass up the opportunity to tease him. Locking the doors, I turn to him with a winning smirk. "Are you jealous? What do you think I did with it?"
"Why do you want me to be jealous?" he scoffs.
I lead the way back to the beach and start unfolding the large, dark green monstrosity that is this blanket, and set it down on the sand.
I keep the blanket in my car for those times when I'm rostered for patrol in the ridiculously early hours of the morning and it's too damn cold for no reason.
Or for those nights when I sneak up to that treehouse the guys and I built years ago.
We rarely use it anymore since it's too cramped now to fit more than one of us.
"Maybe I like how you get all red and defensive. Jealous, but you try to play it off." He blushes even harder. "Or maybe," I continue, plopping down onto the blanket, "I just enjoy teasing you."
Sending him a wink, I prop my elbow and pat the space next to me. "Come sit. I won't bite unless you give me permission."
Jace is unamused with my teasing and playful flirtation. "You have no shame."
His words make me laugh but nonetheless, he gives back my phone and sits, taking off his sneakers so he wouldn't get sand onto the blanket. I copy his actions, and we sit side-by-side, gazing out at the ocean.
It's a gorgeous view and I wonder why I don't take advantage of this more.
In this part of town where there are little to no lights, we're drowned in a thick blanket of darkness with the moon as the major source of light.
Crescent shaped and bright, it illuminates the ocean below, the vast expanse of dark and inky black water littered with white foam stripes as the waves come crashing onto shore.
The stars – countless and infinite – looking like millions of glitter dust particles generously scattered across the black canopy is the backdrop to all of that.
On our distant right are small yellow lights from the restaurants closing up shop at this time of night, from the boardwalk, and garden lights strung over the hedges planted along the boardwalk, enhancing the view we're seeing.
We sit in silence for a long time before I decide to say something. My heart is calmer, and my mind isn't tossing unnecessary scenarios at me. And this close, I'm able to pick up on two things.
Jace is in distress. Though he looks cool and collected, his shoulders are tensed, and he has a faraway gleam in his eyes. He's yet to say anything, no matter how ridiculous or trivial.
There's also something different about his scent. At first, I thought it was dried up sweat, or the ocean breeze mixed with his natural scent. It's mild, almost insignificant. Distinct and odd, a little unpleasant but nothing that jumps out at me. But it's all the same there.
"I said I wouldn't force you, but you had me really worried. Couldn't you give me something?"
Jace's expression falls, and his gaze angles downward. He picks at the blanket.
"You don't have to give much. I just want to know that you're okay."
His jaw clenches and his eyes moisten, brimming with tears. He tightens his hands to fists and then loosens them, doing that three times before clearing his throat, switching to picking at his palms.
"Have you ever been in a position where you knew something inevitable would happen? You've known it your whole life and think you've accepted it, but when it happens, you realize that you don't want it to come to past?"
"Are we talking about puberty?" I feign shock and surprise. "Jace!" I gasp. "Why didn't you tell me you were a late bloomer?"
He laughs at my joke, his carefree laughter making me smile seeing him less miserable.
"I'm serious, Sky."
"I know. In a way, yes. There's something that happened to me recently and I really like that change.
But then, something else happened that was out of my control, and I'm scared that my worst fear might come true.
" I scoot closer and lean in. "What's this about anyway?
Why don't you want this inevitable thing to come to past? "
"I'm scared, like you." He turns to me. "You don't strike me as someone who gets scared."
"I'm not afraid for myself. I'm afraid for someone else. See, I met somebody, and that person's turned out to be really special."
"Oh." There's no missing the disappointment or hurt in that one little word, or the possible meaning behind him turning away. It gives me hope, that reaction, and I wonder if he feels some type of way about me that isn't platonic.
Jace pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them. He looks cute, but miserable as hell, and I wish I could lean over and give him a hug.
I suppose I could. We hugged earlier in my paranoid state, but I don't want to freak him out.
"Why are you scared for that person?" he follows.
He stares, waiting for my response, but gives nothing away about himself, not a clue as to the thoughts rolling around behind those gorgeous apple-green eyes.
"I'm afraid of losing them. What about you? Why are you scared of that inevitable thing?"
Jace bears a strange reaction. His jaw tenses, and the unshed tears glisten once more in the moonlight overhead as he turns to stare straight out onto the ocean.
"I'm afraid of saying goodbye to someone I care about a lot. Maybe even love."
"Your girlfriend?" I query, pretending to be genuine in my curiosity but now that we've grown closer, I'm able to read him a little better.
There's a devastating flip-flop of emotion from him.
At the mention of his girlfriend, he snaps his surprised gaze to me, opens his mouth to respond, but words fail him.
He looks torn and anguished by my words but stops fumbling for a reply. He breathes deeply and his shoulders slump downward. When next he speaks, I swear, the despondency in his tone nearly crushes me.
"Yeah. Sasha." His voice cracks, and his eyes water, but no tears fall.
He lied.
The person he's afraid of saying goodbye to isn't his girlfriend. There's a whole other side to Jace I don't know about and the strongest inkling I've ever gotten tells me he's keeping a secret. Whatever that secret is, while I don't wish to be intrusive, I know it's devastating in nature.
We speak for a while again before exhaustion settles in and we lie down, side-by-side under the blanket of stars. He suddenly turns onto his side and faces me.
"Sky."
"Hm?"
He's silent, probably contemplating his next words. "You know I consider you a friend, right? And that I care for you."
I turn to look at him. "I know."
"This person you like, I want you to be happy with them."
He's too sweet and hasn't the slightest clue about what he means to me. It's both devastating and endearing. "Unfortunately, this person has no idea how I feel. And I think I've been pretty transparent."
Jace purses his lips in thought, his expression still indecipherable.
"Maybe try some more?" he suggests, unaware that he's just given me permission to relentlessly pursue him.
"Okay. I will."