Chapter 60
I FUCKED UP. BADLY.
Here I am on my high horse about following county laws to the letter when it comes to disputes between humans and Weres, yet when it came down to it, I had no trouble letting the animal side gain control. One second, two seconds, it doesn't matter how long it lasted.
I'm no better than the Weres who deliberately hurt humans. I'm no better than Lianna was when she chased my mate through Marcana's woods. Too similar to Blake Dalton who persisted in targeting Jace knowing damn well my mate is human.
No different than the rogues who tried breaking into the Conners' place with the intention to inflict pain because for those few seconds, I seriously thought about ending Brent Harper.
Now, he's lying in a hospital bed because of me, stitched up, and under the influence of morphine to put his mind at ease. Mentally, he won't be all right for a long while until he either makes sense of his injury or gives up on trying to.
I screwed up. I revealed part of myself. Harper saw my mouth – the gnashing canines – and he saw my hands. He watched in helpless terror, frozen to the spot as my claws ripped through his shirt and skin.
He's going to scar. Every day for the rest of his life, he's going to look in the mirror, see what I did to him, and have to live with the knowledge that there's something else in Jasper Falls. And he'll get no justice because the laws exist to protect people like him.
They'll deny his words. Call it the crazy rambles of a trauma victim.
They'll tell him his mind played tricks to protect him. Or maybe he remembered the incident differently.
The comings and goings of hospital staff buzz around me. The nurses on night shift carry about their duties, fluttering from one room to the next to check on their patients. The reception staff at the desk lower down the corridor.
The chair beneath me is uncomfortable. I'm tired.
Sleep-deprived and running on fumes, my head pounds with a vicious ache. Saliva on my tongue tastes bitter.
I'm spiraling. Losing control.
Tonight is Brent. What will tomorrow be? My sanity?
White sneakers enter my line of vision, and an open cold can of coffee from the vending machine is pushed into my hands. Jace takes the chair next to me, sipping from a can of cold coffee of his own.
"Are you doing all right?" he asks, concern thick in his voice.
I can't even look at him.
"I did that to Harper."
"It was an accident," he assured, reaching up to press a palm against the back of my head. He plays with my hair twirling a finger around it and stroking gently. The gesture is meant to comfort, except at the moment, it has the opposite effect. "Besides, you've done worse."
He has no idea. Maybe it was an accident, but I should have had better control. It's vastly different this time, anyhow.
"Injuries happen in fights," he tacks on.
Between Weres. Between humans. They're not supposed to happen between humans and Weres.
Tonight's incident is a profound wake-up call. For the first time in my life, I understand how truly fragile humans are compared to me.
I could have killed Harper in my state of rage.
And I wouldn't have known what I did until the haze lifted.
There will probably be harsh consequences. I've no intention of getting myself exempted from punishment since it's the least I can do for what happened to Brent.
I can get over it quick. He will have scars and trauma for the rest of his life.
"Do you want to leave?" Jace's soft question, his hand slipping around mine in a reassuring, comforting squeeze drags me out of the echo chamber my mind has melted to within the last hour.
He handled most of the procedures – talking to nurses and doctors, filling out Harper's paperwork, and calling Harper's aunt – because I was in no frame of mind to do it myself.
Besides, he was Harper's best friend. He knows him better.
I shake my head and take a sip of the cold coffee. The bitter cool on my tongue tastes like dirt and does little to rejuvenate me.
I haven't fucked up like this in...well, ever.
"No," I tell him. "Let's stay until his aunt gets here."
Jace gives me a small smile, this thumb tracing along my cheekbone. "For someone who barely tolerated him, you're being awfully kind."
"He didn't deserve what I did to him."
Jace gasps suddenly, a soft, teasing sound. "Is Sky Daniels actually being...nice?"
I hardly have energy to do much after the shithole I've managed to freefall into, but I appreciate his attempt to lighten the mood and take my mind off the night's events. I love him more for it. Despite how thoroughly exhausted I feel, I manage a quiet, playful scoff.
"What're you talking about? I'm always nice."
Jace leans in and presses a kiss to my cheek. I lean into that touch, savoring every bit of contact, and the pressure of his lips on my skin. Electrical zaps tingle in that spot and slowly start spreading through my body, a tidal wave of calmness sweeping over me.
"Come home with me," he whispers against my skin. "You shouldn't be alone, tonight."
Thankfully, we don't have to wait for long. Harper's aunt arrives and once more, Jace takes the initiative. He exchanges a few words with her and then lets her go talk to the nurses at reception for her nephew's information.
"Did you tell her I'll pay for his stay?" I ask, barely having the courage to look at Harper's aunt. Her face is creased with worry as she listens to what the nurse is saying.
"Nope," he replies, smiling brightly when I frown up at him. "You've both had a night. I just told her that the bill's already taken care of. Didn't mention your name."
"Why?"
"Because you look like you can't handle another confrontation right now. If you're so worried about it, buy him a 'Get-Well' present."
He taps my shoulder and gestures for me to stand, tangling an arm with mine when I do. His nearness helps me stay calm, chasing away the melting pot of bad thoughts and self-chastisement I've been swimming in since the party.
Tossing the empty coffee cans in the nearby bin, as soon as the elevator doors close, the two of us alone in the lift, I turn to Jace and barricade him between my body and the wall.
Cupping his face, I give him a lingering kiss, allowing myself to get lost in the moment, letting the bond erase gloomy thoughts.
"What was that for?" He's wearing an adorable smile, gazing up softly at me. I brush a few blonde strands away from his forehead, my finger trailing the side of his face.
"I needed it."
"WILL YOU KEEP STARING?"
The ride back to the Conners' is filled with a pulsing silence. There's no denying the tension or awkwardness. He's hardly looked away since we left the hospital, persistent to stare at me as if by doing so, I'll give him answers to unspoken questions.
Turning off the ignition, I unclasp the seatbelt and sink into the backrest. We're back at his house, all other lights except the porch are turned off. His parents are already down for the night.
He's still looking at me. He hasn't bothered to unbuckle himself.
"You're beginning to creep me out, Conner. Say something."
"Will you continue withholding stuff from me?"
The question catches me off guard, not because I'm not expecting it. It's a loaded question. I can't begin to list the number of things I've been keeping from him, mainly since I don't want him worrying while he has enough on his plate, but also – I don't know where to start.
The truth about me not being human.
The real reason behind the break-ins.
Why I've not been sleeping properly which I'm certain he's picked up on.
Or how about the reason I sent his ex-best friend to the hospital harboring an injury he sustained while I held no physical weapon.
But Dale is right. I can't keep lying to him. Can't keep trying to protect him from the dangers of my world by leaving him in the dark. But I can't push him into information overload. Revealing my true self will be reality-shattering enough; I have to take it slow.
One thing at a time. Warm him up. Maybe drop a few hints along the way.
"What do you want to know?"
Jace blinks, his eyes growing rounder – wider – in surprise. "You'll tell me?" When I nod, he takes a breath in relief and unbuckles himself. "I haven't been able to figure you out these last few days. You haven't been sleeping, either."
I had a hunch that's what he really wanted to know.
"And tonight," he continues. "That fight. The injury. What's going on with you, Sky? I'm really beginning to worry – no, I'm scared for you."
I'm not supposed to worry him. I was supposed to make things easier. Just rest. No stress.
"Is it the break-in that's been bothering you too?"
"Yeah, that's part of it. But mostly...it's got to do with my mom." I hear the exact moment his breathing changes, as if he's beginning to realize something I have been denying for years.
In my desperation to get better, to return to a state of normal, sociable functionality, I did the work – therapy and exercises that would clear me on paper. But deep down, my mother's death has scarred me in ways I can't speak about.
I didn't win. The trauma did.
It's still with me. Still breaking me little by little. The attempts on the Conners, using them as bait to essentially wipe out my bloodline – they feed feelings I thought were long buried.
It's the reason I'm spiraling out of control.
Old fears and rage are resurfacing and I'm beginning to question if I, too, am a danger to my mate.
"I was there, you know," I continue. "The night she was murdered. I woke up to noises in the house and I followed it downstairs. I saw them. I saw all of it. My dad told me to run and get help...and I...I did nothing. Couldn't say a word when that man tore her throat out."
"You were a child. You were scared," Jace reasons, voice thick with emotion.
"Even children are useful." The words come out harsh on a rasp. "I froze. And got my mother killed for it."