Chapter 18
Noah
“It’s all fun and games until you shit on yourself. Take it from me, kid, it’s no fun after that.” After dumping the dirty diaper into the bin, I tuck the tabs of the new diaper into the top of it. Max sits up, and it falls open again.
I didn’t know I needed a masters in engineering to work this thing. He’s a wiggler, but I look at the tabs once more. “Lie down for me, buddy.” How hard can this be to figure out? I don’t want to have to google this, but hm . . . Ah! I press down the front and pull the tabs around securing them.
Max has a new lease on life now that he’s clean. “I get it,” I tell him.
One diaper down and I’m not looking forward to more.
I’ll ask Liv how the potty training is going and see if I can help onboard him quicker to the concept.
I wash my hands in the attached bathroom and then open the door, letting this little beast free to roam through the apartment.
And by free, he crawls some and then uses the wall to remain upright as he works his way into the other bedroom.
“Mama,” he calls for her. It’s really stinkin’ cute.
We find her sitting in a chair putting on makeup. Maxwell holds his arms and seems to be having an entire conversation with her that only the two of them understand. It’s an unexpected side of Liv that no one else gets to see. There’s no way they’d call her the Ice Queen if they did.
Her eyes connect with mine in the mirror as she holds him in her lap.
If only the office could see us now, sharing lingering glances, kisses that lasted long after the connection was broken.
I wish they knew her like I do, but they won’t bother to look behind the rumors to the truth right in front of them.
If I had never met her, I might have done the same. Sure, she has a great body and face, but who she is as a person matters. She gave me her trust last night when she didn’t have to. Glancing at Max, I acknowledge she gave me more than I could have asked for.
She says, “I talked to a nurse earlier.”
“How’s Cassandra?”
“It sounded like she’s doing well. She wasn’t awake to talk to me, but I thought I would go visit.”
“Want some company?”
Her smile is so painfully genuine that my heart aches. “I’d love some.” Turning to Maxwell, she asks, “You want to go on an adventure with Mama?”
His arm swings out, and he points at me. “Dada.”
Liv’s mouth falls open as she stares at me. “When did he learn that?”
“I don’t know.” Raising my hands in surrender, I say, “I’m innocent.” Sitting on the side of the tub, I start laughing. “My side of the story is that I introduced myself as Noah, his daddy. When I picked him up out of his crib, he said Dada.”
“What’s his side of the story?”
“He knew who I was the moment he met me?”
A broad smile takes ownership of her lips, and she turns back to him. “Who’s my super smart son?” Tapping his nose, she adds, “You are.”
I slip my phone out to sneak a photo of them. The way he looks at her like she’s his whole world . . . It reminds me of how much I’ve missed. I push that down because it doesn’t matter. I can’t change the past. I can only embrace the present.
The present is stunning in her bra, towel wrapped around her waist hanging down, bare feet, and little makeup on.
Her hair is in a clip. I’m sure she’d have something to say, most likely of the snarky variety, if I tell her she’s gorgeous.
So I keep my mouth shut for now. Admiring this incredible woman who created the most amazing human I’ve ever seen.
I look at Max, feet dangling, a head of wisps in disarray, and wearing only a T-shirt and diaper. The two of them together look like the kind of morning I want to wake up to more often. Not just more often. Every day. Forever. They are my forever.
They’re home and so comfortable in being themselves that I almost feel like an intruder to their shared moment. Hate that.
Snapping one more photo, I catch her eyes on me. “What are you doing?” There’s nothing but a smile built into the question.
“I don’t want to forget this.”
She hugs him and kisses Max’s head. “Will you send it to me?”
“Of course.”
Setting him down, she comes to me and settles on my lap. With her arms draped so casually around my neck, she says, “You’ve been busy this morning, but I wanted to check in with you. A lot happened last night.” She glances at Max. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good.” I wouldn’t tell her otherwise. No need to add to her worries. I still need time to think about this outside of the situation, but for now, I didn’t lie.
I let my eyes trail down her body from the neck to her breasts before a finger pulls my attention back up. “Eyes up here, sweetheart.”
Chuckling, I readjust her so she’s more stable on my legs. “They’re gorgeous to stare into.”
“Back at ya.” She looks down, and her words are reluctant. The smile has faltered as do her shoulders when I finally get her gaze shining on me again. “You’re taking everything in such stride. It’s a lot. Life changing. Do you want to share your thoughts? What is your heart telling you?”
“I don’t know. I’m not overthinking this. I’ve just been going off instinct.”
A gentle smile rolls across her face, the corners of her eyes softening. Dragging a finger over my chin, she leans in to kiss me before resting her forehead against mine. “You’re amazing, Noah. You’ve . . .” She takes a calming breath. “You stepped right up, but what happens next?”
“Maybe,” I say, pulling back to see her eyes again. “Maybe we don’t define it just yet. I’m his dad, and I want to be whatever that entails, but otherwise—”
“But otherwise, you and I should wait.”
“I didn’t say that. Is that what you want?”
“No. I just feel like I’ve dropped you into this world without your permission, and you think you need all the answers to move forward, have the perfect plan in place, and know how this should play out. You don’t. We don’t. Do we?” She licks her lips and then says, “This wasn’t a trap—”
“Is that what you’re worried about? You’re worried that I think this was a ploy to get me to what? Stay? Hang around? Date?” A humorless chuckle escapes me as I rub her leg. “Do you really think I’d fall for a scheme so easily?”
“I don’t want you to think I’m trapping you into a life you didn’t ask for.”
“I haven’t had time to process everything.
Time is a luxury I’ve been given, but you weren’t.
” I tread carefully not wanting to open boxes I’m not prepared to unpack.
“Listen, Liv. We have time to figure this out. But I need you to hear me. For Max, I’m here because he’s my son and I care about him.
For you, I’m here because I want to be. But if you get tired of me invading your space, I can head home. ”
“Maybe that’s what I’m worried about. I don’t want you to leave.
” I reach up and caress her face, rubbing my thumb over her soft skin.
Her body is sheltering in itself. I don’t want that.
I want her to be the bold woman I know she is.
“And that scares me, too. I’ve put you in an impossible situation. ”
I tilt up to kiss her. I kiss her again and then again, tasting her confessions that she was brave enough to share. “It’s not impossible if I’m being given the option. I want to stay.”
Her smile returns. “You do?”
“Yeah, I do.” Tightening my hold on her hips, I straighten my back. “What if we spend the weekend together? We’ll go see Cassandra and then grab some lunch—”
“Take Maxwell to the park?”
“Absolutely. Whatever we want. We can stop by my apartment on the way to the hospital. I can take a shower and then grab a bag for the night. Dinner in and whatever we decide to do after that?”
“I know what I want to do.” Honestly, it doesn’t matter what she says next. I’d never deny this incredible woman a request. “Do you think . . .” She drops her head into her hand and laughs. “God, this is so embarrassing.”
“What?” I ask, rubbing her hips, egging her on. She’s so fucking sexy. “Tell me.”
She looks back at Max sitting on the floor, playing with a hairbrush, and then leans in conspiratorially to whisper, “Have you ever . . .” Biting her lip, she glances to make sure Max isn’t listening before pressing her lips to my ear. “Watched Sons of Anarchy?”
“The motorcycle show?” She’s nodding so much that I reach up to put the back of my hand on her forehead. “Are you feeling alright? Having a fever dream?”
She’s downright giggly. “What the hell am I missing?”
“Nothing,” she says, struggling to hide her grin. “It’s just . . . I know it’s not for everyone. I wouldn’t even typically watch a show like that. It’s violent, and there’s lots of . . .”
“Motorcycles?”
“I was going to say guns.” She laughs again. “But motorcycles too. Anyway, it’s okay if you’re not into it. I can watch it by myself some other time.”
I set her on her feet and stand. Kissing her once and then twice, I say, “If you want to binge a show, we will goddamn watch any show you want.” I kiss her. “Let’s get dressed and head to my place to start this adventure so we can get back here to binge to your heart’s desire.”
“Give me about fifteen minutes. Do you think you could get Maxwell dressed?”
“I can,” I reply, feeling confident after the victory I had with the diaper. I bend down. “Max?”
He looks up and then says, “Dada.”
Pride fills my entire being. That’s my kid! I glance at Liv, who’s rolling her eyes. “I swear I did not teach him to say that.”
She bends over the counter and dabs makeup on her face. “I’m letting you off the hook on that one only because it’s kind of cute. But let’s discuss the Max part of this equation.” Bouncing a sponge off her face, she says, “I’ve always called him Maxwell because that’s his name.”
“But everyone needs a nickname. Well, Noah is about the only version of my name, but take you, for example. You’re Olivia by day and Liv by night.”
“First of all, everyone calls me Olivia except for a few people, so it’s not like it’s that common for me. Second of all, why do you make Liv sound so naughty?”