Chapter 31
Noah
“No helicopter this time?” Liv shifts on the seat next to me in the back of the SUV, slipping across the slick leather surface toward me. “And when I say that it’s because it was an incredible experience.”
It’s only two weeks later, but this trip is very different, so I hired a driver to take us to Beacon for the family get-together, thinking it would allow time to talk if our nerves began to spiral.
I’ve not traveled with Max. I’m not even sure if he’s been on a road trip or what he needs.
Liv packed a bag not asking for a thing, no help, or for me to bring anything over when I texted her about what I need to do to prepare.
Maybe I’m the only one feeling anxious.
It’s not every day you tell your family you’re a father.
Not going to be, but already and currently are.
I love my family, but I don’t know what to expect.
“No helicopter. My brothers are flying in together, and I didn’t want to introduce you and Max on the tarmac.
” I glance at Max who’s been sleeping soundly in his car seat for the past hour of the trip.
“That makes sense.” She brushes the back of her fingers along my neck. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” I answer too quickly. Tugging at the collar of my T-shirt, I realize I’m starting to sweat. I reach forward and turn the air on higher. “It’s hot in here, right?”
Zipping her hoodie to her neck, she says, “I’m freezing.”
I can’t help a half-hearted grin from arriving.
I need to lasso in my concerns before they get out of hand.
“Sorry. I hired a driver so I could relax today, and enjoy, have some drinks if I want.” I’m close to pouring a shot now just to calm my nerves.
I don’t. “But the reality of what’s about to happen is hitting. ”
“It’s a big day. I get it, babe. You don’t need to explain.” Her calm voice and steady hands mean she’s holding it together better than I am.
“Sure is.”
With her eyes still on me, she says, “It’s a long drive. You didn’t want to stay overnight?”
“We don’t have a setup for Max.” I take her hand, and our fingers fold together on the seat between us. “It added another layer of planning that I didn’t want to burden you with. My mom would have been more than happy to set something up, but—”
“You were afraid of her reaction?”
“No,” I reply, shaking my head. “She’s going to love him. Getting her help would have meant telling her over the phone. That’s not how I want to do this.”
Staring at our connection, she asks, “You’re walking in with a toddler. Have you thought about what you’re going to say?”
“No.” I redirect my gaze out the window. It’s easier for my thoughts to quieten when I’m staring at the clouds or getting lost in the greenery of the trees. Turning back to her, I say, “I’m not selling them on an idea, so I didn’t rehearse this. I’ll speak from the heart. Max deserves that much.”
“I’m nervous.” I know she’s a worrier—maybe that comes with being a mother, or perhaps she was always more type A—but I’ve been impressed by how she’s handled this.
Now I know she didn’t want to worry me. I don’t want her fighting this alone, though.
I want to be the one she leans on, someone she can always trust with her deepest concerns.
“We’re in this together.” I move our hands to rest on top of my leg. “I know telling you not to worry is easier said than done, but you’ve met half my family already and they love you.”
“I still have two brothers and two sisters-in-law to impress.” She holds her phone up to see her reflection. “How do I look?”
“Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.” Maybe it’s natural not to believe someone who loves you, thinking they’re going to say that out of obligation. It’s what I truly believe she is inside and out, so I refuse to let any negative thoughts of self-worth touch her. “Liv?”
She angles her head to catch a look at herself in a new way on the screen. “Huh?”
“Liv, I want you to look at me.”
Glancing, she does a double take and then lowers the phone as her brows pinch together. “What is it?”
“You don’t have to impress anyone. You’re my girlfriend, so that’s all they need to know.”
The phone is forgotten on the seat beside her. “I’m your girlfriend?” It’s not anger or curiosity I hear in her tone. It’s something else entirely that I can’t put my finger on. Did I just fuck up?
Scratching the back of my neck, I reply, “Why do you make it sound weird like that?”
Her knee bumps against mine and stays. I like the way we’re usually touching in some form, even when we don’t realize it like she doesn’t now. “You’ve never called me that before.”
“Well, we’re not really in situations where we talk about our relationship to others. Our families know, but otherwise, we’re living in secrecy.”
“I’m sorry about work—”
“I understand the need for privacy at the office. I feel the same. But I’m ready to share us, as a couple, with the world outside of there.
” I rest my head back and grin. “Today is a safe place to show what we mean to each other. Not only as Max’s parents but as a couple choosing to be together.
I’ll understand if this is too fast or if you’re not ready—”
“I’m ready,” she answers without a doubt found in her eyes.
I touch her fingertips, wanting to kiss each one, but I look at her again. “We’re together all the time, but maybe we’ve skipped a step or two.”
I’ve been fine with the parts of the ride that have been silent, the small talk, and now the heavier topics, but I prefer her laughter, like now. “Or four.”
“Yes, or more,” I say, chuckling. Bringing her hand to my mouth, I kiss it. “I owe you so much, but I’ve been doing this all wrong. Let’s back up just a bit. Liv, will you be my girlfriend?”
“I do . . .” she says ardently, light from outside catching in her eyes. Embarrassment takes hold, though, and her gaze and smile quickly start to fall. When she looks back up, her smile is smaller. I love all of her, but it hurts to see her shrink in any way. “I mean I will.”
Kissing her again, I linger against her lips, and whisper, “I do, too.” Because of the time we’ve spent together, I’m not scared to say that two-word phrase. Life has never been better than the time I’ve had with them. That’s something I won’t ever hide, especially from her.
The driver announces, “We’re almost there.”
I look out the window. Since I’ve lived here my entire life, I recognize every mile marker, crooked tree, and know exactly where I am based on the surroundings. “We have about ten minutes. Should we wake Max?”
Sliding out of my hold, she moves to tend to him. “Probably, or he’ll be grumpy on arrival. I’m sure no one wants a screaming kid at their party.”
There’s nothing I can add. She’s the expert and knows best when it comes to him. I just wish I could help with more. “What can I do?”
She’s woken him with kisses and whispers.
When he opens his eyes, fear is laden inside.
His cries pierce our ears as she tries to soothe him.
“Can you hand me a sippy cup from the cooler?” I get it quick.
“Thanks,” she says, giving it to him. He takes it from her hands and then promptly throws it.
The moment it hits her jaw, she flinches and covers the area with her hand. “No, Maxwell!”
He's turning red in the face, oblivious to the pain he’s caused her, as his pitch goes up two octaves.
I grab an ice pack from the small cooler on the floorboard and come around her, holding it to her injury.
“Hold this on it, and let’s switch places.
” I climb over and let her slip across the seat.
Grabbing the cup he threw, I move next to Max. “Do you want this?”
Screaming once, he releases his anger before he begins to calm down.
He stares at me, but I can’t give him the usual smile I have for him.
Not when he’s choosing violence against his mom.
He tries a cute smile and clapping hands, but I’m not budging this time.
He won’t be rewarded for that behavior. “You don’t hit Mommy, Max. That’s a no-no.”
I don’t know how my parents stayed calm with all we put them through, but this is tough. Caught between anger Liv got hurt and guilt for being firm with him, I don’t like this feeling. I glance back at Liv. “Are you okay?”
“He really got me, but I’ll be okay.” Her eyes have reddened around the rims, but she’s not crying. She’s the strongest person I know, and she proves it over and again.
When I turn back to Max, I ask, “Are you going to drink or throw your cup?”
“Cup,” he says, patting his lap. “Cup. Cup.”
“Okay.” I hand him his cup, and he starts chugging it like he’s the thirstiest person on earth. “Why’s he acting like we’re the bad guys here?”
I feel her hand rub my shoulder as she rests back. “Some days it’s a no-win, but that’s not today.” I look at her over my shoulder. “You did great, Noah. You’re a natural.”
“Then why do I feel like I failed?”
“You can be riding high, feel your kid is taken care of and healthy. Some days, I feel like I finally have this mom job under control. The next day, you get a sippy cup to the jaw. That’s parenting for you.”
That she’s managing to smile gives me some relief.
And then we pull up to the gate to my parents’ property, and I’m right back where I was earlier with nerves.
I tell the driver to take it slow, which gives us a few minutes to cruise the driveway through the property and for us to all prepare mentally for what’s about to come.
I have him stop in the front of the house.
That will give us a few extra minutes before we go around the back, where everyone has gathered.
Liv puts the ice pack in the cooler, and asks, “How is it?”
“Red from the cold, but hopefully that keeps the bruising to a minimum.”
Despite all that went down, she looks at Max as if she can’t summon the anger to be mad at him. He stretches his hand out for her and wiggles his fingers. She pretends to bite them, sending him into a fit of giggles with the bonus of milk running down his chin.
We clean him when he appears to be done with his cup.
Liv touches up her makeup while I change his diaper and his outfit.
Now we’re standing on the driveway. I have Max in my arms, and I’m holding her hand.
Not wanting to arrive empty-handed, she’s carrying a bag full of flowers and a strawberry pie she bought from a bakery.
I look at her, and she looks at me, and we start walking.