Chapter 18
Cash
Trying to stay awake has become a game, one I’m losing.
Even sleeping most of the flight to France didn’t help me recover from the night with Marina.
No regrets.
How could I? When I said it was one of the best nights of my life, I meant it.
I try to listen to the engineer at the front of the room discuss the changes he’s made to the car. My mind wanders while I stare at the screen, pretending to pay attention.
My thoughts drift back to the taste of her as she came, dragging my tongue along the inside curve of her breasts as I kneaded them. Her head tilting back, exposing her neck. I tasted and savored every inch I was given access to, and then deep as she chanted my name, begging for more.
I shift in my seat, the hard-on not a welcome addition to the meeting. I need to stop thinking about Marina.
Cold showers.
Rotting eggs.
My personal life making headlines . . .
That does the trick.
It doesn’t take away the awkwardness of the current situation, though.
Brother one: Angling to the left, I tilt back in my chair and stretch, eyeing Harbor on the phone and wearing a path into the tile at the other end of the office.
Brother two: Noah tried to talk to me when we first took off this morning, but I told him I wanted to rest and put on headphones, purposely blocking him out. I almost felt bad, but considering what I did to his sister, I thought it best to stay away from idle chitchat about what we’ve been up to.
Brother three: I’m sure I’ll see him later in the week. Loch tends to fly in the day before the qualifier. I’ll be on the lookout to avoid him at all costs. He’s the least predictable when it comes to how he’ll react if he finds out about me and Marina.
I worry less about her parents. They’re not always at the track, and they let their grown kids lead their own lives.
Although there are no signs whatsoever of anyone knowing a single detail of what I’ve been up to, the truth is that I feel like they can tell I slept with her.
Now that it’s safe to stand, I whisper to Duncan, “I’m getting a bottle of water.
” I try to catch my reflection in the window on the way out to see if the words guilty or sister-fucker are written across my forehead.
I don’t notice anything, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less culpable about what they would deem a crime against their family.
But she was divine.
Fuck. I can’t do this. I start thinking about anything that will keep those memories from popping up, but when they’re that good, I know I won’t win this battle.
Pulling open the fridge, I grab the water and drink some before spotting the balcony. Maybe the fresh air will wake me up or get my mind back on track. I sit on a lounge chair and take another gulp of water.
Exhaustion is the enemy in this sport. I’m starting to think it’s a good thing she’s banned from the race. Otherwise, I’d be even less focused if that’s possible.
The low-key night at home I had planned didn’t go that way.
I’m definitely feeling the drag in my bones today.
This morning I was a fucking mess, rushing to throw clothes into a suitcase.
I forgot half my stuff. The thirty minutes I dedicated to a failed attempt to wake Sleeping Beauty might be to blame.
I take her need for rest and recovery as a feather in my cap.
“Hey.” Looking up, I see Duncan coming outside with a cup of coffee in hand. When he leans against the railing and rubs the bridge of his nose, I know something is on his mind.
“How’s it going?”
“Good. Good.” He looks out over the paddock, his eyes trained on something in the distance, something that’s not me, so I know a lecture is coming. “How’s it going with you?” He finally glances over.
“Should we jump a few steps ahead and just get it over with?”
“If you’re up for it.” He sips his coffee, then rests his arm on the railing so he’s fully facing me.
I stand and rest against the railing as well. With a good seven feet between, it feels like a space that’s safe to discuss my personal life. “We might need to make some adjustments.”
He nods, but a smile appears as well. “We can do that. Same girl?”
“Nothing happened that night. I know it’s hard for everyone to believe, but it wasn’t anything like what was reported. It wasn’t a thing.”
“And now it is?”
Angling forward, I study the track at turn one, wondering if I should be saying anything. It’s for me, better for my performance if he’s in on what’s going on in my life. Glancing over my shoulder to make sure no one’s coming out or can hear us, I turn to him and lower my voice, “I want it to be.”
I don’t know how I expected him to react, but it wasn’t grinning like he just got secret intel about winning the lottery.
“This is good, Cash. Cullen aside, it’s been a long time since you’ve spent time with someone who makes you happy.
” He stands upright and drinks coffee. “I think we’re going to do runs each morning. ”
“Why?”
“If we start the day with a run, I want you to let your mind cover any thoughts regarding anyone or anything else. Just run it out of your system. Then you’ll be present in meetings, unlike what you were back there.”
I twist the cap of the bottle and stare at him. “That’s the adjustments? Run her out of my system? I don’t think it’s possible.”
“I can’t run.” I suck in a harsh breath. “I can’t think.” I rest my hands on my knees and continue gasping for air.
“Took five days, but it finally worked like a charm,” Duncan says, not huffing half as hard as I am, though we just completed the same run. Fucker. He pats me on the back. “You’re ready for tomorrow.”
I watch as he walks ahead into the sunrise while I collapse on the ground, arms wide, hoping to breathe normally again one day.
I thought he had won his case until I stared at the sky.
The first thing to pop into my head is Marina—the photo she sent of her staring up at the sky in Vancouver and how she said no matter where we are, the universe still connects us.
She doesn’t tend to hide much, especially her feelings, which I learned early on.
I can handle all her moods because the one thing I’m learning about Marina is that she’ll tell you when she’s happy or mad, frustrated, or even sad.
I’m not as open, though my emotions have been known to get the better of me. Always learning. Always trying to be better. Sometimes I’m too tempered for her, but I don’t mind being her yin to my yang.
What she doesn’t realize is if I let my mind go to a place of jealousy or anger on her behalf, that director that had her slathering on sunscreen for the camera the other day or the ex that keeps hanging around her trailer like a .
. . well, like an ex-boyfriend trying to win his girl back, then I’d be leveling them both with my fist.
She can fight her battles. I’ve been at the receiving end of her sharp tongue. So it’s not that she needs me. She wants me like I want her.
Fuck.
Why the hell are my thoughts so wrapped up in her?
Focus, Warren.
My phone buzzes, so I pull it from my pocket and sit up. Duncan. I snap, “What?”
“Get your ass down the hill. You’re going to eat, then we’re heading into the gym. Neck to help against those G-forces and legs today.”
I hang up and start jogging down the hill. When I finally grab the bottle of water he’s holding for me, he says, “Your endurance has improved quite a bit. You can thank me later.”
I’ll save that task for Marina. I’m already thinking about all the ways we’re going to fu—
“Come on. Let’s eat,” Duncan says, waving me toward catering.
“I’m not sore anymore,” Marina drops casually into our call.
“That’s too bad. I liked you walking around with the memory of me.” I slide lower on the bed until my head hits the pillow. “But it was a good run.”
“Trust me, I still have the memories.” She giggles, and I find myself holding the phone closer to my ear so I don’t miss any sounds. Then she says, “We need to make new memories soon. When will I see you again?”
Although I know I head home after the race on Sunday night, I have Cullen the following four nights and then Brazil after that. Fuck. I palm my brow and drag my fingers into my hair. “Other than video?”
“A new territory for us to explore soon, but I want to see you in the flesh,” she says, her voice trilling into suggestion.
“What’s your schedule?” I put her on speaker and flip over to my calendar.
“I return to New York on Thursday for a three-day press blitz and the premiere.”
“We can’t see each other then?” I can ask my mom to hang out with Cullen, get a room somewhere, and meet her, even if I can steal an hour of her time.
“I worry about being at the center of a press junket and how I’ll sneak around with the media stalking me and my ex, like we’re still a couple. That news hasn’t broke yet.”
I flex the fingers of my left hand several times. “It’s not obvious? He’s been partying, and you’ve been seen with me.” She sighs into the phone. It’s a topic she hates discussing, but we need to address it. “Smoke equals fire, babe.”
“I can’t answer that. All I know is his team has kept it hush-hush. I have no idea why when they could have used this for their benefit.”
“Why do you have to worry about them? I don’t worry about the guy three cars back. I worry about what’s ahead.”
Soft laughter reaches my ears. “Hollywood is complicated, I guess.”
“Did you hear back about your audition?”
“No.” She hums. “These things take time. My agent will reach out to them next week if we don’t hear anything before then.”
Marina has me thinking differently about things I never really gave a chance to for whatever reason. “I was thinking we could go to a show sometime, one you’ve never seen or even one you love. I’ve never been.”
“You’ve never been to a Broadway show? How’s that possible when you grew up so close to Manhattan?”
My childhood isn’t something I think about often.
“Single mom who worked all the time didn’t have money for things like that.
Even my karting was sponsored by a few of the local businesses since we couldn’t afford it.
I worked my ass off doing shit chores for every dollar they’d pay toward my fees or equipment.
I outgrew my helmet every year. Stuff like that is expensive. ”
She’s quiet, but I can tell by the slight of her breathing that she’s still there. “I guess this is another downfall of not doing my research.”
“I appreciate that you haven’t. No one needs to know that much about someone else.”
“It’s just . . . my heart, Cash.”
“Don’t feel sorry for me, okay?” I hate that I snap, but I never needed anyone’s pity. I especially don’t want hers now.
Taking a deep breath, she shuffles the phone by the noise on her end and then says, “I’ve been feeling a lot of things, but not sorry for you.
I’ve met your mom. I know what a support she’s been.
You have each other and Cullen. Your family is .
. . not everyone is so fortunate. I feel the same about my family.
They’ve been there for me no matter what. ”
When I stare through the open curtains and into the night, yachts dot the harbor like stars in the water. “That’s my mom. If there were more hours in the day, she would have been sweeping the deli and the corner store floors with me.”
“My heart wasn’t hurting for you. I was taken by your story. When you’re ready, will you share more with me?”
This woman has me opening like an oyster presenting a pearl for her.
I don’t understand these feelings I have for Marina.
My chest always tightens when I think about her, or I have a damn erection.
There’s not much in between, so I don’t understand what’s happening.
I just know it’s not like how I’ve felt about others.
I feel good. She feels good, more than good.
With the qualifier being tomorrow, I’m going to bed earlier, but there’s still time to talk to her. Depending on the time difference, I usually talk to Cullen in the mornings, but my nights are reserved for Marina. “How much time do you have?”
“Two hours until I return to set, so I have time.”
I click the remote to close the curtains and turn out the lights. “None of the kids I used to race with made it to this level. Some moved over to Rascal Racing, though. They’ve done well on that circuit—”
“But it’s not the same as Principle Racing.”
“P1 Racing has more money and prestige. They never did know what to do with a guy like me. I had more street smarts than pedigree.”
“I think you’re pretty smart,” she says, adjusting and sounding more relaxed. “You’re dating me.” She starts laughing again.
I don’t. Not because I don’t think she’s ridiculously cute because I do. More so that she’s right. I was smart enough to see through the act she puts on that everyone else falls for. “One of the smartest things I’ve done in a long time.”
“Aw, Cash. I was just teasing, but that’s so sweet.”
“I know you were, but it’s true. Hey, Marina?”
“Yeah?” She’s breathier now. “What is it?”
“I’m not seeing anyone else.” She says she doesn’t look people up online, but sometimes reputations precede us. “I just want you to know that we talk about our dating even though we’ve only gone out once, maybe twice if you count Miami.”
“I count Miami.”
Smiling, I shift to my side to get more comfortable. “I do too.”
There’s a pause, our breathing keeping us company. “I’m not seeing anyone either. Since you’re not and I’m not . . .” she whispers, leaving it open for me.
I don’t need time to think about us. It seems that’s all I do lately. “How about we don’t see others together?”
“You’re such a sweet talker, Mr. Warren. You got yourself a deal.”
“Sweet like candy.”
“Mm, my favorite, like you.”
The woman’s insatiable for me. It’s all good since I feel the same about her. “I have just the thing for that sweet tooth of yours.”
“Oh yeah?” she purrs, knowing exactly where I’m going with this. “When do I get to taste it?”
“Soon, I promise.”
As soon as we hang up, I change my flight to New York. I think a detour to Vancouver is in order.