36 Quinn
Quinn
Two weeks before the fall
“What the hell is this?”
Elena is in my room when I get out of the shower.
My skin is clammy, and the towel over my hair feels too tight.
I knew she was here. I just didn’t know she would be looking through my things.
She’s perched on the side of the bed. My mind instantly goes to the book, but as I step into the room, I notice it’s not the book she has but my phone.
She’s scrolling furiously. It takes me a minute to process what she could possibly see there that would make her so upset.
Elena holds the screen out in my direction. I take in the curves of a human form in a picture I recognize. I start to speak, to defend myself, but then I realize I’d rather do it while wearing clothes. I slip on some underwear and tug a T-shirt over my head. My hair is slimy against my neck.
I turn back to Elena, who is scrolling back and forth.
She can’t take her eyes off the images, and her mouth is open in shock.
I’m about to tell her what happened, from the beginning.
I’m about to tell her that while Collingswood was feeling her up in the woods, Tanner McGrath was assaulting Sophie.
Suddenly, I’m so angry I can’t speak, but I’m angry because—why, exactly?
I’m angry at Tanner for being a despicable human, angry at Collingswood, angry at Sophie’s mom for running out on her when she was a baby, angry at Joey’s mom for not getting the help she needs, angry at Elena’s mom for trying to snuff her fire out, and angry at my own dad for hiding behind his disease.
It’s irrational and unfair, but I’m just angry in general—at the multiple, ridiculous ways people are awful on purpose and by mistake, the way their minds betray them and make them into bad people when we need them to be good.
It can’t be that hard to be good, can it?
And the magic…so far, it’s done nothing to keep my friends from getting hurt.
Mostly, I’m angry at myself. I tried to unlock the hidden spells in the book—the ones we’ve never been able to access before. It didn’t work. But I’m not giving up because I know, I know there is a mind-healing spell somewhere in those pages. I take the phone from her.
“Are you two hooking up?” Elena asks.
I jerk my head up. That’s her takeaway? Then, I look at the picture again.
Sophie sits on a bed with her arms folded over her naked chest. Her eyes are watery and unfocused from alcohol.
Behind the camera, I know, is Tanner, who is not just a run-of-the-mill asshole.
He’s a predator. My heart sinks. Sophie must still be feeling awful.
Elena doesn’t wait for me to respond. Instead, she asks, “Is this why you’ve been acting so weird lately?”
“I haven’t been weird.” I turn away to run a brush through my hair. It snags on a knot, making my eyes water.
“You’ve been avoiding us, sneaking out. You haven’t wanted to do magic, not really.
” She hops off the bed and swipes the phone from my hand.
“What the hell is going on with you? And don’t say it’s your dad because I went over the other day, and you weren’t there.
I knocked, and no one was home, even though that’s where you told me you were going.
Before the party, it had been weeks since we hung out.
Even before that, you were sneaking out.
Backpack by the door at all times, furtive glances at the window, leaving us in your room when you thought we were all asleep? ”
I think about him and how he has encouraged me to keep things secret.
But what if… What if I just told Elena about him right now?
There is a little voice inside me. It asks if I’ve been spending too much time with him.
Asks if I am drifting from my friends because of him.
But it’s only a small voice, and it’s easily quieted.
Because he is right. If we involve them, I’ll have to explain that he knows about the magic.
That I’ve been trying to do magic by myself.
I’ll have to explain that I didn’t trust them the way I’ve trusted him.
He supports me, believes in me. In fact, he thinks that, together, we can do far more than just help my friends.
Together, he says, the two of us can show the world what healing really looks like.
“Fine, yes,” I say. “Sophie and I are together.”
Elena looks even more shocked than when she saw the pictures.
“It’s not public knowledge, so please don’t say anything to anyone. Including Joey. And don’t tell Sophie I told you. We’re supposed to keep it a secret.”
Elena’s hand drops to her side. “Wow. Is it just hooking up or are you together, together?”
I close my eyes for a second and decide which response would hurt Sophie less. “We’re together.”
“Damn, okay.” She nods. “It’s cool, obviously. I’m glad you’re both happy, but I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Elena’s words make my stomach pinch. What I’ve just done saves my skin. But this lie will crush Sophie. I formulate my plan then and there, as if doing so will exonerate me. Maybe it will. Tonight, I’m going to pay Tanner McGrath a visit.