Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Bewildered, Louisa stared after the Duke of Northwick for a few seconds. What could he mean about his mother and father? She had the sense of standing on the edge of a possible precipice in poor weather, not knowing whether there was a sheer drop on the other side, or only a gentle slope.
Louisa gathered that something very, very bad had happened once on this metaphorical mountain drop.
While frightened to look over the edge and see what lay beyond, Louisa was conscious that it was something that caused Benedict pain.
If she was to be his wife then she had a duty to look, didn’t she? Was her duty not also to comfort him?
Leaning low over Moonlight’s neck, Louisa urged her horse forward in Benedict’s wake.
A highly competent rider in her own careful way, she caught up with Benedict as soon as he slowed Thunder's gait.
They had reached the top of a sloping path and then followed it around to the side, the Duke and Duchess of Wexford still dallying and temporarily out of sight.
“I am sorry if I said anything to upset you, Benedict,” she called to him, half-thinking that he might race off again on finding her beside him. “Your feats of riding intrigued me, and I know so little of your family. Forgive me if I intruded.”
The duke looked keenly at Louisa with his singular blue and green eyes, their expression serious but not angry.
“You need not apologize for what is not your fault, Louisa,” Benedict replied as they rode close alongside one another. “Certain memories will never… lie easy with me. You should know that before we marry.”
“If you ever wish to talk to me of your memories, I should wish to listen,” Louisa told him sincerely, stopping her horse. “Talking can sometimes ease problems that hurt the soul…Oh!”
The Duke of Northwick had leaned sideways in his saddle and pressed his hungry lips to Louisa’s in a brief kiss as one of his arms embraced her.
“I soothe my soul in other far sweeter ways,” he told her, pulling back slightly to speak and then kissing her again. “I promise I will show you all of them soon enough…”
Louisa’s heart raced and her hands tightened on her reins, longing to embrace Benedict in turn but afraid she would fall from her horse under the influence of such kisses.
Only moments ago she had been filled with compassion and curiosity for this man and now it was suddenly turned to physical longing all over again.
“Not on horseback, surely?!” she gasped and Benedict burst out laughing.
“I must say I have never yet tried that. You give me new ideas, Lady Louisa Ascot. We shall return to them after our wedding.”
Louisa laughed too, although blushing furiously, and not really knowing whether such things were physically possible or only Benedict’s idea of a joke.
With her laughter came the flash of insight that the heady rush of desire had driven the earlier sense of dread and darkness from her blood, and perhaps Benedict’s too.
Was that why he had kissed her?! Was it what drove him into Louisa's arms, and the arms of enough women before her that society had pronounced him a rake?
It seemed that desire burned brightly enough to drive back the darkness, if only for a little while, like a candle at night. To banish the darkness permanently, however, surely one must throw back the curtains and let the sunlight in?
“I have found that talking can sometimes heal the soul as well as only soothing it,” Louisa remarked, shifting her horse back into a walk in case this mercurial and irresistible man kissed her once more and sent her mind into disarray all over again. “You might try it one day.”
“Perhaps I shall,” he replied, nudging Thunder into a walk beside her.
“That would be fairest, wouldn’t it? I should try your way of dealing with difficult memories, as well as showing you mine.
I should warn you, however, that when you are in my bed, I intend to distract you beyond rational speech. ”
Louisa’s mouth ran dry and she felt another stab of deep physical need that ran straight to her groin, not at all helped by the movements of riding. When she was in his bed… This darkly handsome man spoke so very certainly and practically of such an overwhelming idea.
Yet it was also an inevitability and, despite her nervousness, not one that Louisa dreaded any more. When did that happen? Benedict’s variegated eyes were smiling upon Louisa’s face again and she sensed that he was looking for another opportunity to kiss her.
Before he could proceed, however, they both blinked as a flash of light seemed to shine in their eyes and Benedict’s attention was turned sharply towards the eastward valley.
“That’s the Huxley Manor estate down there, isn’t it?” he asked rhetorically and swore an oath under his breath, seeming at the same time to become more alert and to sit straighter in his saddle.
“Do you think Lord Ashbourne is out there, somewhere nearby?” Louisa asked anxiously, glad that Benedict was at her side now. “I see no one and the house is some distance away.”
“Someone was watching us with a telescope,” Benedict told her, turning his horse. “I saw the sunlight reflect off the lens somewhere in that house. Do not be afraid, but I think we should ride elsewhere. I do not appreciate having our private conversations spied upon.”
“We can take the path through the woodland and across the back of the lake to the west,” Louisa suggested, following Benedict’s lead in turning. “We must go back and tell Seraphine and Damien first. They may want to take a shorter route. They’re riding so slowly today.”
“Oh, let them take the slow route if they want,” Benedict said, his smile returning. "I think they’d ridden themselves out before they started… There’s no reason why you and I should not have a good gallop.”
“I suppose not,” Louisa said, smiling back.
They were deliberately ignoring Aunt Beatrice’s instruction in separating from the others but it didn’t feel wrong. As long as she was with Benedict, Louisa felt perfectly safe and right.
“Wexford, you and Seraphine may dawdle around out here as long as you like but Louisa and I are going to take the long way around and have a proper ride,” Benedict called to his friend after they rode back a short way. “I bet I’ll be back at the stables a full five minutes before Louisa!”
“You will not!” Louisa countered with a laugh, letting Moonlight run as he wished on Thunder's heels as soon as Benedict set off.
While Thunder was the more powerful horse and Benedict a superlative rider, Louisa was no novice and knew the landscape of Rosemere like the back of her hand. He was never more than twenty yards ahead and often only a few lengths, turning often to throw back smiles in her direction.
Louisa soon realized that Benedict wasn’t even really trying to beat her in their supposed race. He was only teasing her as they galloped and cantered across meadows, woodland and lakeside paths. Laughing and breathless, she played along, letting Moonlight run as fast as was safe for both of them.
As they approached the final gate before the path into the paddock, Louisa thought at first that Benedict would jump it. She had no doubt that he could have done so but instead, he pulled Thunder up by the gate, jumped down and tied him there.
“Weren’t you going to beat me back to the stables by five minutes?” Louisa laughed, trotting over to Benedict’s side.
“That was only a ruse to make sure you followed me here,” he jested, smiling up at Louisa with twinkling eyes.
The next moment, he had reached up with strong arms and pulled her unresisting form down from the saddle.
“Benedict!” Louisa exclaimed although hardly in protest, her arms automatically twining around his neck and butterflies fluttering in her stomach as he bore her towards some nearby bushes. “What are you…We mustn’t…”
The last time Benedict had carried her in his arms like this had been that night in the library when Louisa had made him set her down and had then run away. Would she have the strength to stop him again today, when she wanted his touch so much more and feared it less than that night..?
“Do not be afraid,” he said in a low voice. “You are safe with me, Louisa. We shall have a few minutes of privacy here, at least.”
Louisa pressed her face into his neck and breathed in the smell of his skin, her blood rushing in her veins as though his cologne was some powerful and volatile medicinal compound. How did he have this effect on her? It only seemed to be growing stronger.
In the shadow of the bushes, Benedict set Louisa on her feet and immediately enfolded her in his arms. As she breathed his name, he kissed her, gently but at length, his hand caressing her hair, already partly fallen from their vigorous riding.
“Louisa,” Benedict said her name softly, gazing on her face with an intensity of longing that melted her very core. “Do you know how beautiful you are? Do you know how much I want you?”
Standing on her toes Louisa reached up to draw down his lips to hers again and kissed him in response. Benedict’s tongue sought hers and one of his hands cupped her breast in the form-fitting riding habit which covered her tightly to the neck.
“How can it be wrong to kiss you?” Louisa gasped between their kisses. “It feels too right to ever be wrong. Oh, kiss me again, Benedict!”
“Kissing leads to other pleasures,” her told her, although complying repeatedly with her demand, “and other pleasures… have consequences…. That is the real danger… of kissing.”
“But we can kiss without…consequences,” thought Louisa aloud, assuming that he was referring to the risk of getting her with child. “Can’t we? As long as we do not get carried away.”
“You have great faith in my self-control, Louisa,” Benedict laughed, despite the hunger of his seeking lips and caressive hands. “Far more than I have myself. That night in the library, I would have claimed you fully, if you had allowed me. You could have gone to the altar carrying my child.”