Magda
T he bed was cold when I woke up. I was alone, and my body was smoldering with the most delicious, sensational heat I’d ever felt in my life. I sat up and looked around, stretching languidly like a cat. The room was quiet, and even the sounds of traffic outside were intermittent. It was dark enough, that I figured it must have been pretty late.
“Caleb?” I rose and strode over to the window, dragging the bedsheet with me and tugging it around my torso.
The apartment was on the small side, so it wasn’t like there was anywhere else he could be. His clothes were gone, and if the place didn’t smell like the mixture of our bodies; had his scent not been all over me, I would have thought I’d just imagined the whole scenario. Had I been drugged? Nothing else could explain what the hell had gotten into me. I’d gone from accusing a man I’d only just met of kidnapping me to jumping into bed with him in under five minutes flat. I had no idea where I was, and now that he was gone and I was alone, and I felt strangely… lost.
I hugged my arms around myself in an embrace, squeezing my shoulders. Never before in my life had anyone had that effect on me. I hadn’t been able to think of anything else but ripping his clothes off and ravaging the hard lines of his gorgeous body. Even now, I drew in a shuddering breath and touched my mouth, my throat, my collarbone—anywhere he’d kissed me and I could still feel his touch. My insides felt swollen, but it was the most incredible type of ache I’d ever known.
What had that doctor done to me?
I looked around the room. My clothes were on the floor, my bag on the nightstand next to my cell, and my shoes were by the door. Caleb—whoever he was—was gone. He’d taken his things and left while I was asleep. Maybe I’d scared him away with my intensity? Or…
I stared out into the misty night. Though I wasn’t sure what time it was, I could feel the quietude of the hour. The sign in the front of the building read that we were in a condo complex. Was this his place? Would he come back? I walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Empty. Freezer as well; nothing but two plastic ice trays, both of which contained no cubes. In fact, the whole thing was unplugged.
I took a huge drink of water from the tap, my throat parched as if it was on fire; like the heat of my body was burning me from the inside out. It only occurred to me in that moment what all of these sensations meant: I’d done it. I had sex! I cringed at myself.
I’d had sex, yes… unprotected sex… with a stranger… and let him finish inside of me.
Not let, my thoughts cruelly interjected, you begged him for it. You literally taunted him until he came in you that second time.
“Oh no.” I pressed a hand to my stomach.
I’d never gotten the chance to fill the prescription for birth control pills I’d gotten, in secret, from a local women’s health clinic, since I’d been waiting on the new insurance for everything. Until just a short while ago, I’d been the consummate virgin. Now, only the consummate part remained. But having not really been entirely in control of myself, and also having zero experience in how sex conversations evolved, I realized belatedly that there were some questions that I should have asked, like, “Do you have any STDs I should know about?” or, “Happen to have a condom tucked into your gun holster?”
“What is wrong with you?” I whispered, pressing a palm to my cheek in horror. “You wake up in a room with a hot—but armed —man, and… even though he was kind… No!”
I marched back toward the bed and grabbed around for my clothes, which were in various heaps—and then my bag, resting still on the nightstand, untouched.
“Just get your things and go,” I advised myself, searching for my missing sock. “Call a cab, or better yet—call Katie. She’ll be pissed, but it’s her fault you’re here, so she’ll just have to deal with it, because there is no way this can be for real.”
I picked up my phone and unlocked it, but instead of my home screen, there was a typed message—unsent—displayed on the screen. My heart pounded as I read it.
“Even as a succubus…?” I whispered. “Oh god… this isn’t just some fucked-up therapy process? Are they seriously saying I’m a demon ?”
I stood, almost immobile, between the dinette table and the bed as bone-tired weariness flooded me to the point that my knees began to shake again. I found my way back to the bed before collapsing safely onto the mattress.
For a brief moment, the paranoia that all of this was some kind of weird, hidden camera show popped into my head. My pulse went into a double-time beat as I considered… what if my parents had set it all up to teach me a lesson? What if they’d organized this whole thing so that when they tried to have me committed to the Church psychiatric ward, I would sound like a crazy person?
Yes, doctor, I went to a sex doctor who made out with me, but then I passed out and woke up in a room with a man who had a gun, and I ripped his clothes off and demanded he have sex with me, but it’s okay because as it turns out, I’m a succubus!
What worried me worse was that it might not actually be some kind of crazy scheme. That I really had just met a man in some random condominium, and I’d come so hard from imagining what him being inside of me would feel like that he had to help me stand up, and then we’d just… done the real thing.
While part of me was terrified about what my parents were they going to do to me when— if —they discovered what I’d done, I couldn’t help but recall that feral look in Caleb’s eyes as he’d taken me, and how I’d melted into his rough embrace. I’d never imagined that sex could feel anything like that, and now that I knew… I pressed a hand to my stomach again; it wouldn’t stop fluttering. Was it nerves? Fear of discovery or the consequences I’d been warned of my whole life?
Or was it perhaps the fiendishly delighted part of me that recognized that if Caleb showed back up right now, I’d want him to do every part of that to me again?
How could you have been so stupid! I chided myself. What if you get pregnant? Try hiding that from the OB in a month, or from your parents every Sunday for the rest of your life!
Despite Mother and Father’s religious zealotry, I wasn’t about to give the whole “immaculate conception” thing a go. It might have worked for Mary and other mythological deities, but then again, ironically, the reason they’d gotten away with it was probably because they didn’t have lunatic Christians for parents.
Caleb’s message… it had seemed so… final. How was I supposed to live my life as normal after all of this? How the hell was I supposed to avoid the Church? It was literally the one thing I’d been trying to escape my entire life. I even belonged to it in name .
I’d have to find a new OB somewhere… maybe the women’s health clinic? They’d understood my need for privacy and had assured me that they’d never give out any information without my consent—we’d even created a verbal password to ensure it was me asking. I shook my head. I didn’t even know how long it would take to know if I was pregnant, or when I should test to see if I’d contracted an STD.
Maybe it was unfair to assume that he might have one just because he’d jumped into bed with me so eagerly—especially considering it had been me that had initiated everything. Maybe he was out there, worried right now that I’d given him something. I’d have to ask Katie about the sex stuff, and maybe Google it from her computer after mass with my parents?—
I froze. What day was today? I looked up at the clock on the wall. It was just about four in the morning, which meant I was supposed to be at Sunday mass in a little over four hours, and I’d be expected to show up like nothing had happened. I’d have to sing all the hymnals, kneel and pray, recite verses and pretend to be my parents’ perfect daughter—all while hoping that the absolute flood Caleb left inside of me didn’t leak out and soak my panties and the pew every time I had to stand and sit, stand and sit, for each song or prayer. Not to mention that even now, I could feel some of his semen spilling down my thigh, and instead of being horrified, I found myself growing excited.
“God, I’m an idiot.” I dropped my head into my hands. “I’m such an idiot!”
The warmth of him was still inside of me, and I fanned myself as sweat beaded on my brow. Was there no air conditioner in this room? I felt like I was burning up, and my abdomen clenched and pulsed like a hand was massaging it. Without meaning to, a long, low moan stole out of me as a rapturous throbbing erupted along my entire pelvic region.
“I have to find Dr. Lowe,” I croaked out. I knew Caleb’s note had warned me to keep away from her and anyone asking about her, but… Without him here, how else was I supposed to understand what was happening to me?
You’ve got to go, I urged myself. Find Dr. Lowe—then set up an appointment at that clinic. If you’re lucky, maybe Lowe will be able to tell you what happened—or she’ll be able to test you for things. …Like whether or not you’re going to have a baby.
Another flash of searing heat in my belly, and I spasmed like I’d been shocked. The sheet fell away from me, and I looked down in horror at the faint, purple glow emanating from inside of me, just below my belly button. I may not have known much about reproductive systems, but I was almost positive that was where my uterus was.
“Ohhhh hell,” I whispered. “Is this normal? Please say that’s normal. None of the girls ever mentioned glowing—” I remembered the hot, sticky sensation of Caleb releasing himself inside of me; my uterus squeezed again, but it wasn’t unpleasant; at first like light period cramps, but then the motion relaxed into long, contracting movements that made my entire body vibrate with pleasure.
My breath came in and out in short little sips of air as I fell back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. My stomach muscles were so tight, I felt like even breathing too deeply might send me over the edge into another orgasm. Pathetic little mewls escaped from my throat, and I lay there, almost completely paralyzed, as my lower half brimmed with heat; with desire and power. This was power inside of me. This was what I needed. I had to have more. More of this feeling.
More of him.
I caught my breath as the warmth faded from my abdomen and looked down. The purple glow was dimming now, but it was still bright enough to see. I laid back down again. Would he be able to explain this? Would the doctor? I’d heard of having an “afterglow” following sex, but I’d seen enough porn to know that even unprotected sex shouldn’t make your uterus temporarily She-Hulk out. I needed to talk to Caleb, or Dr. Lowe, or anyone else who might be able to give me some clue of what was going on, and I needed to do it soon. It went without saying that if my uterus started glowing like it was holding an underground rave during morning mass, my parents might pay attention.
Plus, if I can’t stop these surprise orgasms, I’m pretty sure the Hallelujah chorus is going to take on an entirely heretical meaning.
I opened my phone and stared at the message again. Succubus. There it was again. What did that even mean? Was it just some kind of new term for “virgin” I hadn’t understood? Until I’d learned about sex from Mrs. O’Leary, I’d thought Mary’s name was “Virgin” Mary. I had no idea it had been a reference to her sexual—or nonsexual —status. After I’d discovered they just called her that, like some kind of title, the concept disturbed me. Venerating a teenager because she hadn’t slept with anyone was weird—super creepy. Since it was also something I had to deal with a lot in my life, I always kind of resented her for setting the example.
I’d once asked my mother why we referred to her the “Holy Virgin,” since she clearly had other kids later by her husband, but I’d gotten slapped around for “questioning the word of God,” and then threatened with being sent off to a nunnery. When I realized there really was one attached to the university she and my father worked at, I’d been much less outwardly curious afterward.
My brain kicked back on like someone had thumped me square in the forehead. The logo on Caleb’s gun holster—I knew I recognized it! It was the university logo for Acolyte Seminary—the place my parents had been working until last year when they’d retired. My mother had been one of the librarians or something; my father a lecturer on the Old Testament. I’d never been allowed anywhere near the school—just to the clinic on the outskirts—but I’d seen the logo on their work badges and uniforms.
Did Caleb work for the school? If that was the case, why did he have a gun ?
I still had no idea what Caleb’s connection to Dr. Lowe was, but knowing now that he potentially had a connection to my parents was… frightening. Truly, truly frightening. I read his message again, then saved it with a screenshot. He’d warned me away from the Church. He’d warned me not to admit anything that had happened. Did he know, then? Had this really been some kind of elaborate setup? I opened my phone’s browser and put it into private mode, then searched for “succubus.”
Immediately, pictures of naked women sporting wings and biblical references to demons popped up. I goggled at that word demon. My recollection of the word hadn’t been wrong then—that’s what both he and the doctor had suggested I was. There was no way that’s what they were trying to say, was it? That I was just some hellish, evil creature? If Dr. Lowe planned for all of this; had turned me into whatever this… this creature was, it still didn’t explain Caleb’s role in it—or why he’d had a faded logo on his holster for Acolyte Seminary. I bit my lip. What if… what if having sex with a drugged-up virgin was some kind of kink for men like him? Had he paid for me?
No. I clamped down on the thought before it could take root. Katie had been the one to insist I go to see Dr. Lowe—and she would never, not in a million years—work with my parents to trick me. She was the only person who hated them as much as I did. As for Caleb…
He’d really seemed worried about me when I’d panicked. He’d given me the chance to leave. He’d offered to let me point that awful weapon at him so I would feel safe, and then said if I’d wanted him to go, he would. I’d been the one to tell him to stay.
Nothing made sense. The more I thought about it, the less I understood. I considered texting my parents and telling them that I wasn’t well enough to make morning mass, but they might assume that I’d spent my weekend partying and drinking and show up at my apartment, probably with a deputy to “check” on me, only to discover I wasn’t there.
I could ask Katie to cover for me, but that would mean letting her in on this bizarre situation, and as strange as it all was, and as scared as I felt, the idea of sharing what had happened between Caleb and me didn’t feel right. Katie and I talked about everything, and of course I would tell her eventually, but for the moment, I wanted to have something that was just for me. My sex life—or lack of one—had been absolutely everyone else’s business for as long as I could remember: parents, best friend, doctors, priests, boyfriends. This languid pleasure that he’d left with me, regardless of what would result from it later, was just mine . I didn’t have to share with anyone else—anyone except for Caleb, that was.
He's yours , came that insistent voice again. He’s all yours.
I curled onto my side, a smile playing at the edge of my lips as I thought about the way he’d pressed me back onto the bed; how he’d worked so hard to be gentle to me when I could sense the sharp, almost animalistic need rising within him. Instead, he’d kissed me, soothed me. Paced himself. He’d seemed just as surprised and confused by everything as I was. I just couldn’t believe that he’d been here for nefarious reasons—especially when I could feel the connection we’d shared. There had been no ill intent. I pinched the bed sheet between my fingers errantly. What if I was just deceiving myself? I had no idea what sex would be like—not really. I knew the logistical side, but the emotions that had come with it were surprising.
I’d heard a girl in my university once say that she knew a guy who claimed he refused to have sex with virgins because he was certain that the very action of taking their virginity would make them fall desperately, head-over-heels in love with him. While I didn’t feel like I was in love with Caleb—hell, I didn’t even know his last name—waking up to find him gone after such an incredible experience was painful, to say the least.
I considered that maybe he really wouldn’t come back. It certainly looked like he’d taken everything with him, and besides, why should he really care? Maybe to him, I was just a one-night stand. Some crazy girl that had shown him a good time, but… why leave the cryptic message?
No. I knew there was something more between us. That pulse that had grown between us… he’d responded when I felt it change and shift, so I knew he’d felt it, too.
He is yours. He has given himself to you; he is a part of you.
I startled. The voice in my mind, so distant before, was much louder now. It wasn’t just some small thought, but a compelling, deep need. Intuitively, I pressed both hands to my warm abdomen. He was inside of me; he’d given me a part of himself, and now, I could feel it there, like…
Like it had started a chain reaction in me. My whole body trembled with the realization; heat washed over me.
This is all for you, said the voice. Loud, insistent. He is yours.
“Mine?” I whispered. “He’s… mine? But ho?—”
I shouted myself hoarse as power surged through my veins; my heart, my lungs, my stomach. The room filled with a deep purple glow, and I felt myself lift from the bed.