Chapter Nineteen
Darcy sensed as he watched Elizabeth tearfully part with her family that he had hurried her too much.
The way that she embraced her father, and the anxiety in her eyes, made him wonder whether he ought to ask whether she would like to remain at Longbourn until his recovery had progressed further.
Yet, he had a duty to Pemberley—the family should be present for the great Christmas dinner they held to celebrate the tenants, he needed to go over matters of business and accounts for the end of the year, and he had been too generally absent since Mary died.
Darcy wanted to be elsewhere.
Wickham had been in Hertfordshire, and Darcy did not like places that Wickham had been recently.
If Elizabeth had wished to remain longer, surely she would have asked him, would she not?
Mary had never been backwards in making requests.
Elizabeth was not like Mary.
There were hugs, tears, and laughter as Elizabeth said her farewells to each of her sisters. Then she returned to her father and embraced him again as she cried. “I shall miss you. I shall miss you. Promise to be well.”
“I shall do my best, and that is all I can promise. Nothing but porridge and other approved aliments for me.” Mr. Bennet kissed her cheek and said, “Off, dear girl, and be happy.”
Elizabeth embraced her eldest sister once more, then her mother, before coming out of the house into the bright daylight.
Emily demanded that Elizabeth pick her up, so laughingly she did so.
The little girl wound her arms tightly around Elizabeth’s neck, and Georgiana said, “You need not fret, for we are keeping Lizzy.”
They were able to set off directly on the road leading towards the turnpike.
The group in the wide, comfortable travelling coach was cheerful, and Darcy felt himself at liberty to be mostly quiet as he admired Elizabeth’s features.
She was his wife.
He felt a sense of calmness, relaxation, and satisfaction at seeing the way that Elizabeth managed Emily and talked easily with Georgiana.
They reached the post station, and Darcy helped Elizabeth down, while Emily ran off. Georgiana chased after her, and Rose descended from the following carriage that carried the servants and the extra baggage to also chase her charge.
Darcy offered Elizabeth his arm. She had a quiet manner to her.
They walked in silence for some minutes.
Darcy then said, “It was dreadful while I waited for Wickham to appear. Colonel Fitzwilliam and I hardly said a word, but I could feel his judgment the whole time. He thinks that Emily would be well cared for, and that there is no cause for a dishonourable action to protect her—avoiding a duel in such a case is dishonourable. I think he hoped that, in the end, if Wickham did not grovel, I would shoot him.”
“I feared that the duel would happen,” Elizabeth said. “The entire time you were gone.”
“Do you think less of me?”
“It was not cowardice. If you were required to put your life at risk to protect your daughter or your sister from any threat, I have no doubt that you would do so, and with a manly steadiness. I would judge you harshly if you were to take lightly how Emily would be affected if you died.”
Darcy nodded. “I hate this—I had bolstered myself up to the point where I could endure the shame. The way that I would be mocked. Yet now, my reputation is secure. I have gained all the glory that comes from defending my honour in a duel, yet I deserve none of it.”
“That,” Elizabeth said, “is much like you. You hate anything that smacks of disguise. But I fear it would be awkward if you insisted to everyone that you would not have fought him. Poor Mr. Darcy. But you must let others think better of you—no, differently of you—than you deserve.”
He found himself smiling at the way she spoke. They had by now completed several circuits of the yard, and Emily bounded up to them pointing at the carriage. “The horses are hitched! The horses are hitched.”
When they both smiled at her but did not immediately return to the vehicle, she explained again, “The horses are hitched.”
“Yes?” Darcy asked. “And?”
“It means we have to leave!”
“We do,” Darcy agreed, “if we are to reach Dunstable before it is dark.”
He spoke more during the following hours of the carriage ride, but it was still chiefly the females who carried the conversation.
There was no ice on the road and little snow, and they made good time, stopping for the night at an inn whose proprietor was familiar to Darcy, as he often stayed there on the way to London.
As they drew in under the arch, Darcy was filled with both eagerness and nerves.
A jolt shot through his whole body when Elizabeth gave him her hand so that he could help her down from the carriage.
Their eyes met, and as his hand lingered on hers, he thought she felt it too.
They walked into the inn arm in arm.
Her body was next to his.
The innkeeper told Darcy that he would have the best suite in the house, and Darcy signed the register.
Mr. and Mrs. Fitzwilliam Darcy.
His mouth was dry.
They went to the sitting room of their suite, and Emily ran around and around, demanding Elizabeth’s attention. Elizabeth laughingly chased the girl, while the meal was brought up and set out.
The silk of her dress swished around Elizabeth’s hips. The hem pulled up to reveal her stockinged ankles. He admired the line of her neck. The smiling lips.
They ate, and both Elizabeth and Darcy read a story to Emily. Night had fallen and the candles were bright.
Darcy handed his daughter over to Rose to put her to sleep and then announced that he was going to bed as he was exhausted from how early he had risen. He suggested to Georgiana that she also retire as they would wake early to make the most of the short day.
Elizabeth’s eyes caught his, then she looked down and smiled in a private way before she walked across the room to join him, saying that she also thought it was time to go to bed.
Georgiana flushed but agreed that it was certainly time to sleep.
Darcy grabbed one of the candles before blowing out the others in the sitting room.
He could barely walk from the anticipation.
They entered the bedroom together, his arm brushing against hers.
There was a warm glow from the fire, and the air was pleasant, perhaps even too warm. He placed the candle on the dresser and turned to Elizabeth.
She flushed at his close gaze and looked down.
She was a precious thing. He could damage her.
She took a deep breath, and with a crack in her voice, she said, “It has been another long day.”
He nodded.
On the little table in the room was a bottle of wine that Darcy opened, and he poured her a glass and one for himself. He handed her the glass, and they chinked them together before bringing them to their lips.
She swallowed a large mouthful of wine. He did as well.
Elizabeth held herself tight, her arms pressed against her sides.
Darcy took a deep breath. “Are you frightened?”
She blushed but looked up at him. “I hardly know what to expect.”
He took her free hand. “Is it not the custom for your mother or another woman to give you advice upon the occasion?”
Elizabeth giggled nervously and took another gulp of the wine. “My mother tried to explain. But it was quite awkward…and…” She looked down again. “The chief of the matter is between us, in…in us.”
He put his wine to the side, on the table, and pressed a hand against her cheek. “There can be great joy for the woman.”
“I have heard that—I do not wish to be…I know that it is not respectable to enjoy it too much.”
“I want you to enjoy my touch,” Darcy said, his voice low and intent.
She looked at him with wide eyes, lips trembling.
He kissed her. Long and slow.
He was not sure where the confidence that suddenly filled him came from.
He was desperate for her, and desperate for her to be happy to be with him.
When he pulled away, he asked, “Did you enjoy that.”
Her wide dark eyes, dim and glowing in the candlelight, bore into his. “I hardly know.”
He kissed her again. Her soft lips moved with his, and she let out a sweet sigh, a moan that went through him. This was right; this was where he was meant to be.
He let his fingers slowly stroke her arms, and he pulled the pins from her hair. He kissed her neck, kissed her ear, and he held her close. “I want you to enjoy this. I want you to feel everything that you can.”
“I feel a great deal, but it scares me.”
“Look at me.”
Elizabeth looked deep into his eyes.
The phrase ‘I love you’ drifted through Darcy’s mind.
Where did that thought come from?
He had married her for wholly different reasons. A flash of fear assailed him as their gazes held.
This time she kissed him. She ran her fingers through his hair.
A deep delight filled his soul at her eagerness.
Slowly he began to undress her, and she helped him undo his cravat. Her fingers trembled.
As he worked her gown off her shoulders, she hugged him tightly and whispered into his ear, “I do wish for this. I hardly understand myself. I do. But I beg you to be gentle.”
“I promise I shall be.”