Chapter 16
“I want a new father.”
Kace’s statement hadn’t stopped echoing in Lottie’s head while she finished treating three calves with pink eye.
The whole argument from a short while ago had bordered on ridiculous. But somehow it had gone from bad to worse with Kace becoming uncharacteristically quarrelsome. He was usually the compliant and respectful child who loved pleasing her.
His insistence had to mean the issue was important to him, that he was serious about it, and that he really was feeling the need for a father. She would have to talk to him more about it later.
In the cordoned-off area of the haymow, Lottie blotted the saline solution from the last calf’s eye. The little fellow wasn’t so little anymore and wasn’t easy to hold in place as she cleaned his eyes.
Enrique and Jameson had both noticed her struggling to take care of the calves and had both offered to take over. She’d just shaken her head and insisted on doing it. Because she meant what she’d told Kace—that she could get along without a man.
Enrique was at the rear entrance of the barn, preparing traps for flies in an effort to stop the spread of the pink eye.
He didn’t have the typical glass bottles that were sold in the stores, with feet on the bottom and narrow nozzles.
Instead, he’d collected as many other narrow bottles as he could find and was adding a sugar-water solution to them.
Usually, the trick worked to attract flies to the sweet mixture while trapping them inside.
Jameson was finishing grooming and feeding the horses, and from time to time, she’d felt him peering over the stalls and studying her.
Was he thinking about the exchange with Kace too?
Jameson had handled the questions about fatherhood graciously. He was always kind and patient with the boys. But she had no doubt the requests to marry her and become a father were more than he’d expected.
He’d already been pressured to marry her after their kiss that day when Beckett had come to visit. Now he would probably feel even more pressure to help her and the boys.
The problem was that she hadn’t changed her mind.
She still didn’t want to get married again.
She’d been telling herself that since she’d gotten the news about Dray’s death.
She’d been reminding herself of it over the past couple of weeks since Jameson’s suggestion that they go through with getting married.
And she was reiterating her resolve at the moment.
Even so, it was difficult not to consider what it would be like to have Jameson stay on the ranch.
She appreciated his calming presence in the face of the problems that arose.
He added insights and solutions that she hadn’t considered.
He always worked hard, lifting the load just a little—or maybe even a lot.
In the mornings, she liked taking a cup of coffee to him in the barn. She liked watching him sip it while they finished saddling their horses. She liked the way he watched her back, as if he couldn’t quite take his eyes off her.
In the evenings, she liked having his quiet presence at the dinner table. She liked how, afterward, he sat outside the door with Enrique and whittled at one project or another. At dark, she liked how he said goodnight to her and lingered in the doorway.
She liked everything about him between mornings and evenings too. And she liked so much about how he interacted with Kace and Bo. She could go on and on about that.
There was no arguing the fact that Jameson would make a great husband and father someday. But she wouldn’t let Jameson marry her out of obligation, and she couldn’t let the children pressure him either.
With a sigh, she scratched the calf’s head, gave it a final pat, then released it.
The pink eye, if not treated, would spread easily through the whole herd and could lead to additional problems. That’s why she and Jameson had needed to separate out the infected calves, even though it hadn’t been easy.
As she took a step back, Jameson exited the stall he’d been in, almost as if he’d been waiting for her to finish so that they could walk to the house together for supper.
The serious furrow of his brow told her he’d probably been thinking about the interaction with the boys too, and now had something to say about it.
She had half a mind to hurry ahead and not let him say his piece, but another part of her was curious to hear what he thought about everything.
“Hey.” He halted a few feet away, his golden-brown eyes searching her face.
With the late-day sunshine pouring in through the open barn door, it highlighted the dust and created a halo around him. At times, he could be a rugged gun-slinging avenging angel. At other times, he was a soft-spoken and gentle angel.
Either way, his muscular frame, hard body, and scruffy face beckoned to her, causing her body to react with a tight need—a need to let her hands roam over his body and face, a need to press against him, and a need to mesh her mouth with his.
As with every time she thought about kissing him again, something deep in her belly fluttered. She couldn’t kiss him again, but that didn’t stop her from thinking about how his mouth felt meshed to hers.
She spun and started crossing to the barn door before he could read the desire he awoke in her, which was happening all too often now.
He exited on her heels and fell into step beside her as they headed to the house. “Maybe the boys are right,” he said.
“Right about what?”
“That I can become their father.”
At the sincerity in his statement, she halted.
Her mind was still stuck on how attractive he was and how she really wouldn’t mind kissing him again. If he was offering to marry her and be a father to her boys, how could she keep refusing? Especially since she’d already gotten a small taste of what the pleasure with him would be like.
No, she wasn’t getting married again because of the physical attraction. It wasn’t a solid enough foundation for a relationship. There had to be more. But what? Love?
He’d paused beside her and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Since everyone in the area already thinks we’re married, it seems like the next logical step.”
“You’re worried about what people will think?”
“Not really. Just don’t want anything to hurt your reputation.”
That’s why she’d made up the lie about their fake marriage to begin with. Because she’d been tired of being looked down on in the community. Was the reason big enough to consider making their marriage real? And was the fact that the boys really wanted a father a big enough reason too?
She’d been so against getting married again that she hadn’t stopped to consider what the boys might need.
Maybe they could benefit from having a father in their lives, especially now that they were changing from infants to little boys.
Maybe they felt a void in their lives without a man to guide and influence them.
Jameson shifted to take in the doghouse. “Maybe we need to think more seriously about getting married.”
There was no sight of Rascal anywhere—which meant the boys had taken her back into the house and she would have to scold them again. If Jameson were their father, then he could help, maybe would even do the scolding so that she didn’t have to.
“Are you suggesting a marriage of convenience?” Wasn’t that what the marriage was called when it was more like a business arrangement than a love match? “Sort of like the marriages where strangers answer advertisements and then meet up and marry.”
He hesitated. “I don’t count you as a stranger.”
“I don’t count you as one either.” She’d spent more time with him over the past six or seven weeks than she had with Dray in the whole time she’d known him. “But a marriage between us would be more like a partnership, wouldn’t it?”
Again, he hesitated. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“If we’re partners, I get a saved reputation and a father for my sons. But what do you gain?” Dray had tried to get her money and ranch and had failed. What else was there?
“Guess I don’t think about marriage like that.”
“Surely you want something, or you wouldn’t have brought it up.”
He took off his hat, ran his fingers through his hair. Then he blew out a breath before setting his hat back down. Was he exasperated with her? Well, too bad if he was, because if he was really serious about getting married, then she wanted to make sure they were clear on their expectations.
“So, what is it you want from me, Jameson?”
His brow furrowed. “I don’t need anything, Lottie. Besides, I was taught that marriage is more about what you can give than what you can get.”
Her response stalled.
“My father was always doing things for my mother to take care of her and make her happy. I guess that’s what I plan to do for my wife.”
She could only stare at him for a long moment, at the sincerity in his eyes and at the kindness in his expression. “I never had any good examples, so I don’t know a whole lot about how a good marriage works.” Her admission was soft.
“Reckon we can learn together,” he replied just as softly.
She supposed she had learned some of what not to do while married to Dray. Maybe she wasn’t quite as ignorant as she’d supposed.
“For me,” he continued, “a marriage is a real commitment, and I don’t plan to take it lightly.”
“So you’d be done with drifting?”
“Yes.”
“No heading out when you get tired of things here or when problems arise or something bad happens?”
“I’ll be faithful to you, Lottie. I promise.”
She swallowed past the strange tightness in her throat. Was she really considering getting married again?
He rubbed a hand over the scruff on his jaw, then dropped his gaze to the grass. “But you should know . . .”
“What?” Why was he suddenly so nervous? He was making her nervous now.
“When I get married,” he started, then paused and cleared his throat. “I was planning on having a real marriage.”
“So you want a church wedding by the reverend and not common law?”
“That doesn’t matter.” He took a deep breath. “What I mean is that I won’t stay in the barn forever.”
She let the tension ease from her shoulders. “Of course we’ll share the marriage bed, Jameson.”
His gaze flew up and met hers. “I don’t want to rush you—”
“You won’t be rushing me.” She couldn’t keep her voice from dropping.
He paused, his eyes widening.
Had she been too brazen? Too direct? “If you want to wait, though, we can.”
“Reckon what I’m trying to say is”—he dropped his voice now too—“we could take some time to let affection and love grow first.”
Take some time? Let affection and love grow? The concept was so different from the hasty relationship she’d had with Dray. Maybe patience, self-control, and going slow would lead to a solid foundation, one built on affection and love.
Was she ready and willing to give that a try?
Mimmi appeared in the doorway of the house and wiped her hands on her apron. “Supper is ready.” For so petite a woman, she was always an imposing presence.
“We’ll be right there.” Lottie didn’t move. She wasn’t quite ready for her conversation with Jameson to be done, not until they decided on what to do next.
Mimmi peered around the ranch yard. “Where are the boys?”
Lottie followed Mimmi’s gaze to the empty grassy area and the new doghouse that was next to the house. “They should be inside with you.”
“I assumed they were still outside playing with the dog and the new doghouse.”
Lottie frowned. “Kace was disrespectful, so I told him to go inside and sit at the table.” She thought she’d watched him go into the house, but maybe he’d gone to the back of the house instead.
She exchanged a look with Jameson. “He’s never blatantly disregarded me before.” The whole issue of having a father must be bothering him more than she’d realized.
Jameson’s serious expression told her that he understood and was thinking the same thing. “Do you want some help looking for them?”
“No, I’m okay.” She began crossing toward the house.
“I should probably speak with him alone about everything.” She didn’t quite know what she would say to Kace when she saw him.
She couldn’t tell him she might marry Jameson.
That would only teach the boy that he could pout and get his way.
But she also couldn’t ignore how he was hurting, and she had to assure him that she loved him, even if she still had to discipline him for disobeying her.
As she rounded the house, she paused. The boys were nowhere in sight.
She heaved a sigh and fisted her hands on her hips. Kace was well aware of the rules and that they weren’t supposed to go anywhere outside of the ranch yard without an adult accompanying them—especially not to the creek.
“Kace and Bo,” she called. “You boys need to get back into the yard right now.”
Were they hiding, afraid she’d be upset that they hadn’t obeyed her and gone into the house as she instructed?
She waited for a response from the boys, but only silence met her.
With a flare of irritation, she started down the path toward the creek. At least the creek was shallow, even more so now in the full heat of late June, and she wouldn’t have to worry about them drowning or being swept away by a current.
The tall yuccas and other brush gave way to the gravelly creek bed. She scanned both sides up and down as far as she could see.
The boys weren’t anywhere in sight.
“Kace? Bo?” she shouted, her voice echoing in the silence.
She waited several long heartbeats, then called again. “Boys, time to come home.”
The only response was the gentle trickle of the creek.
Her pulse kicked a sudden, swift beat. She started back up the path at a jog, her boots hitting the ground hard. As she reached the back of the house, Jameson stepped out of the barn, his brow raised in question.
“I can’t find the boys.”