Chapter 26
Lottie couldn’t sleep. She wanted to blame it on the heat that hadn’t gone away with the setting of the sun and the coming of night. But as she stared at the ceiling, her mind wouldn’t stop going back to the one night she’d had with Jameson in her bed.
Even though they’d done nothing but lie side by side, it had been an incredible night anyway, just having him there. His presence had been comforting and strong and reassuring all at the same time. She’d slept more peacefully that night than she had in a long time.
The truth was, Jameson Noble had become an important part of her life—a steady rock to lean on, something she’d never had before. Not only that, but he was a friend, someone she could share with and who understood her like no one else ever had, not even Mimmi.
Yes, she loved him and wanted to be close to him. In fact, she longed for him in a way she never had with Dray. Was that what happened when a relationship had a stronger foundation than just the physical attraction? When it was based on friendship and kindness?
The intense need for Jameson swelled inside her. She missed him so keenly that her chest ached. If she felt this way after just one day, how would it feel after two days or more? How could she go on without him?
She didn’t know what would happen with Dray. Could she really allow him to live at the ranch? Was that the right thing to do?
How had she ended up caught between two men? One she loved and wanted to be with, and one she despised and wished she didn’t have to see again.
Stifling a sigh, she sat up. As she did so, she caught the faint sound of a galloping horse. Maybe Jameson was returning.
Her heart rose into her throat as hope pulsed hard.
What if it wasn’t him? What if Dray had come back?
She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and grabbed her rifle from the space between the side table and bed, where she left it at the ready every night. After the harassment she’d already experienced, she couldn’t be too cautious with midnight visitors.
With her nightgown tangling in her legs, she crossed to the open window and peeked outside.
The galloping was growing louder.
Mimmi lifted her head from her pallet near the boys, who thankfully slept heavily. “Who is it?” she whispered.
A single rider was drawing near. As the person reached the edge of the ranch yard, the moonlight fell across the lanky build and handsome features of the man she loved.
“It’s Jameson.” She lowered her rifle, her heart swelling with the need to be with him. It was so overwhelming that it brought the sting of tears to her eyes.
“It’s about time.” Mimmi huffed, then laid her head back down.
Lottie hurried to the door and slipped outside.
Jameson was heading toward the barn, but his gaze snagged on her, and he halted.
She started toward him, the dry grass tickling her bare feet. She didn’t stop until she was only a few feet away.
He sat silently, stoically, on his horse without moving.
“Hi.” She pulled her loose hair away from her face.
He glanced at her, swallowed hard, then looked away.
Was he mad at her?
“I’m sorry.” She spoke quickly. “I should have been willing to fight for us.”
“It’s okay,” he said as gently and kindly as always.
She didn’t deserve him, but she wanted to try to be worthy of his love. “I don’t want Dray. I want you.”
He nodded. “I appreciate that—”
“I love you, Jameson.”
“Really?” His gaze settled on hers, and his eyes were alight. Was that hope?
She pushed herself to finish what she had to say. “I love you more than I ever believed it was possible to love someone.”
His gaze softened. “I feel the same way. I love you too.”
The strain in her chest eased just a little. “I’m not sure how all of this will work out in the end, but I do know I don’t want to lose you.”
He glanced around the ranch yard, his attention settling on the doghouse and Rascal sitting sleepily at the door watching them. “I don’t want to lose you either. That’s why I’m planning to stay on as your ranch hand and work for you as long as it takes to get this all figured out with Dray.”
“I hope it won’t take too long.”
“I’ll stay on and work for you forever if that’s how long it takes. At least I’ll get to be near you and see you, even if we can’t be man and wife.”
That was the sweetest offer he could give her. He was sacrificing a life of his own in order to be with her, even if she’d never be able to divorce Dray or cut herself free of him. “Thank you, Jameson. But that’s not fair of me to ask of you—”
“You’re not asking. I’m choosing it.”
“And I’m relieved you’re willing, but it feels selfish of me to accept your offer.”
“I admit it’ll be hard to be near you and not be able to touch you.” His voice turned husky, and his gaze dropped to her body for an instant before he looked away again.
She glanced down at her nightgown, which wasn’t exactly the most modest of her garments. Rapidly, she folded her arms across her chest to provide a little more covering. She should have donned a robe before coming out, but she’d been in too much of a hurry to see him.
“But I promise,” he continued, “I will treat you respectfully and keep proper boundaries in place.”
“I trust you, Jameson.” She understood what he was saying, that he would keep his distance and honor her marriage to Dray. That was noble of him. “You’re a good man.”
“I still have a lot to work on, but I’m learning.” He was looking at everything but her. “I shouldn’t have left this morning like I did. I was running from the problems, but I know that I can’t run from them, because I love you too much to leave.”
She expelled a relieved breath. “You had every right to leave, especially because I didn’t give you a reason to stay.”
“Either way, love is faithful, and I want to remain faithful to you through the good times and the bad.”
She loved him for his maturity and his willingness to be with her even if he never got anything in return.
But she couldn’t make him wait forever. She wanted to find a way to free herself from Dray so that she could be with Jameson.
“What if I give Dray a portion of my inheritance on the condition that he’ll divorce me and let me have the boys? ”
“No, Lottie.” Jameson’s voice took on an urgency. “Don’t do that yet.”
“It’s the best way to keep you.”
He hesitated. “I went to Beckett today and asked him for help.”
At one time, she would have felt the twinges of bitterness at the mention of her half-brother’s name. But since his visit, the old hurts didn’t sting as badly anymore.
“I was desperate,” Jameson said, “and didn’t know where else to turn.”
“What did Beckett say?”
“We spent the day following leads to get information on Dray.”
“You did?” A flicker of hope sprang to life inside her. “What did you discover?”
“A lot of conflicting information.”
“Oh.”
“We telegrammed the information to a private investigator.”
That was positive news, wasn’t it? “What do you think he’ll discover?”
“I don’t know. I hope something we can use as leverage when Dray tries to take the boys from you. But we might not find anything useful.”
She was silent a moment, digesting the news that both Beckett and Jameson had wanted to help her and were on her side. Maybe she’d been wrong that all the men in her life left her. Maybe only the bad ones. And maybe that was okay.
“A few of the fellows we talked to that had traveled with Dray mentioned that he . . . well . . . he . . .” Jameson’s voice held a hint of embarrassment.
“Spit it out, Jameson. Whatever it is, you know I can handle it.”
“He associated with . . . soiled doves.”
“Prostitutes?”
Jameson glanced toward the house as though she’d spoken a curse word that he didn’t want the boys hearing, then nodded.
The hope inside pushed higher. “If he was unfaithful to our marriage, then the divorce will be easier.”
“Yes, maybe. I pray so.”
“How long does the divorce process take?”
“I honestly don’t know. We don’t actually have proof of his infidelity, only hearsay. But we talked to Mr. Dickinson about it, and he believes it will be enough to make a case against Dray.”
She drew in a breath of the humid night air, a sense of peace settling over her. Maybe things would work out eventually after all. Even though her future remained uncertain, she had this wonderful man who was devoted to her, and she couldn’t ask for anything more.
“Thank you for everything you did today.” She smiled up at him.
“I admit I did it because I’m anxious to have you back.”
“Good.” Her smile widened. “Because I’m anxious to have you back too.”
A whisper of a smile finally formed on his lips.
“Are you going to stay up on Cougar all night? Or are you coming down to sit with me?” She cocked her head toward the bench against the house.
His gaze dropped to her body again, and he glanced away rapidly before blowing out a tight breath. “I’ll likely be living here atop Cougar until the divorce goes through.”
“What?” She released a soft laugh. “Why?”
“Because if I come down, I’m not sure I can keep my hands off you.” His lashes lowered, and his voice turned sultry.
Fire flared to life in her belly.
“Especially when you walk around in your nightgown.” He nudged his horse a step toward the barn.
“I’ll be more careful.” She had to be so that they could both live with integrity. “Even though I’d like to pull you down and kiss you.”
He nudged Cougar another step away. “The day we get the word that you’re no longer married to Dray, you better be ready for lots of kissing.”
“I’ll be ready.”
“Good.” He grinned at her over his shoulder. “Because once I get my hands on you, I won’t be able to stop.”
“I won’t let you stop.” Her heart flipped with anticipation. She could only pray that day would come soon.