Chapter 11
— chapter eleven
Katie had been churlish from the moment they started walking to Jimmy’s parents’ house on Saturday evening.
That surprised Jenna—usually Katie seemed to like going to Mary and Peter’s.
It had been a long day, and Jenna was ready for a break.
Breaks were good for them both. Katie was used to going to school and seeing her friends, and Jenna was used to having a few hours a day to herself.
As much as she loved summer, there were some drawbacks.
That said, she wasn’t all that excited to be seeing Mary and Peter either. The biweekly visits always seemed to come too quickly, and the two hours in the Grabers’ large homestead always seemed to feel much longer.
To make matters worse, the air was hot and thick with humidity. It would be a miracle if they didn’t get stuck walking home in the rain.
But first, they had to get there on time.
“Katie, dear, you must stop dragging your feet. Come along, now.”
Instead of picking up the pace, her daughter stuck out her lip. “It’s so hot.”
“I know, but it’s summer. It’s supposed to be hot.”
“I hate walking over to Mammi and Dawdi’s haus.”
“You mustn’t say that.”
“How come? It’s the truth.”
Feeling her patience slowly ebbing away, she took a deep breath. It didn’t really help. Focusing on the uncomfortable way her new pink dress was sticking to her skin, Jenna tried to rustle the hem a little bit. Anything to give her a bit of a breeze.
Or to calm her temper.
Because Katie had once again fallen a good yardstick’s measure behind her. “Katie, catch up, if you please. I don’t want to be late.”
“Because Mammi will get upset with you?”
Yes. “Because it is rude to show up late.”
“I want to show up late. I’m tired of going over there.”
“Katie, what’s wrong? This isn’t like you.”
When her darling daughter turned her way, Jenna noticed tears in her eyes. It surprised her enough to stop walking. “Why are you crying? Do you have a blister?”
“Nee! I’m crying because I don’t want to go.”
“Why? I thought you liked going to their house. You know how much they love you.”
“They never seem happy.”
“I’ve told you that they are upset about your father dying.”
“So?”
“So? Katie Graber, you are being mighty awful. Don’t say such things.”
“It was mei daed who died, Mamm. How come they never say that? They should be nicer.”
She was so taken aback by Katie’s words, she felt frozen.
Katie was only five years old. Jenna wouldn’t have thought that she was capable of thinking such things.
But maybe all this time, Jenna had been the one in the wrong.
Mary and Peter had been so devastated that she acted as if their feelings counted more than hers.
Or, at the very least, more than Katie’s. Katie had barely been four when Jimmy passed away. So young. Jenna had begun to imagine that she’d probably already forgotten how different her life had been when her father was there.
She’d been so very wrong. Grief and loss were felt by everyone, regardless of one’s age.
Now here they were, standing on the side of the road in the hot sun, her daughter in tears, and Jenna couldn’t think of a single comforting word to say. But she thought it may be best if she responded with honesty. “I agree with you, Katie,” she said softly.
“You do?”
The wonder in her daughter’s eyes broke her heart. “I do. I also agree that it can be difficult to be around people who are sad all the time. I’m sorry for that, and I wish that they didn’t act as if their heartache mattered the most. Love and loss aren’t like that. It all matters.”
“I miss my daed too.”
“I know you do.” Jenna sighed, hoping to think of the right words that would make everything better, but she just wasn’t sure that was possible. “I keep hoping that one day they will be back to their old selves.”
“Me too.”
Holding out her hand, Jenna said, “Who knows? Maybe today will be that day.”
“I don’t think it’s gonna be, Mamm.”
Jenna didn’t even try to stop her chuckle. Out of the mouths of babes! “Since there’s nothing we can do about their moods, let’s get through tonight. I’ll also see if we can just visit them a little less for a while.”
“Do you promise?”
Some children expected promises for everything.
From a scoop of ice cream for dessert to staying up past bedtime.
But Katie took promises seriously. Which meant that Jenna didn’t dare promise anything she didn’t feel she could deliver.
“I promise,” she said at last. “Now, I’m sorry, but we really do need to get to Mammi and Dawdi’s haus. We’re already late.”
“They’re gonna be mad,” she mumbled as they increased their pace.
“Probably. That can’t be helped, darling. It is their way.”
Katie didn’t say anything the rest of the way. Maybe she was too hot, or maybe she knew better than to complain anymore.
When they did arrive at Jimmy’s parents’ door, all Jenna wanted to do was drink a large glass of cold water and close her eyes for five minutes. Maybe say a prayer. Anything to give her a moment’s respite.
That wasn’t going to happen, though.
“You are late,” Peter said when they walked in. “You should have been here fifteen minutes ago.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Hmmph,” Peter mumbled before giving Katie a hug.
Jenna smiled at him. At least he was kind to his granddaughter.
“I was worried about you, Jenna,” Mary chided as she led the way into the kitchen. “I wish you wouldn’t have gotten rid of Jimmy’s horse and buggy.”
“It was too much for me to take care of. You know that.”
“It would’ve gotten you here on time, though. Ain’t so?”
“Perhaps.” Instead of continuing to apologize, she walked to the cupboards, pulled out two glasses, and poured herself and Katie some water. “Here, dear. Sit down and relax for a moment.”
“Nee, Katie. You must wash up and get ready to sit at the table. The food is ready.”
When Katie glanced her way, Jenna spoke up. “I know it’s ready, but she needs to sit for a moment. I do too. It was a long, hot walk.” Pulling out the kitchen chairs, she motioned for Katie to join her.
Mary’s expression pinched, but she didn’t say a word. Instead, she started bustling around the kitchen as if she was expecting a crowd of twenty instead of just Jenna and Katie.
When Peter walked in, he stared at them in confusion. “What is going on? I thought we were about to eat.”
Jenna stood up. “We are. I’m sorry, but Katie and I needed to cool off for a moment after the walk.”
“Oh. Well, Mary, are you ready now?”
“I’ve been ready.”
“Go sit down with Dawdi, Katie,” Jenna said. “I’m going to help Mammi carry the serving dishes to the table.”
“Okay.”
Standing up, Jenna reached for the platter that Mary was about to pick up. “I’ll take this in.”
“Danke.” Mary’s tone was like ice. Jenna couldn’t help but wish that it would cool the temperature of the room as well.
After everything was at the table and they bowed their heads in silent prayer, Jenna served Katie the baked meatballs, noodles, broccoli salad, and fruit with Cool Whip before filling her plate as well.
Maybe Mary wasn’t always the easiest to get along with, but she was certainly a good cook. After Jenna took a few bites, she said, “This is as delicious as always, Mary. Thank you for having us over tonight.”
“You are welcome. Peter and I were anxious to see you.”
“Oh?” She smiled softly, ready to hear how Katie’s presence brightened their day.
“We heard some distressing news yesterday, and it kept me up all night.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I am hoping you will be able to tell us that the story we heard was only a rumor.”
Jenna put down her fork. “What news are you referring to?”
After Mary and Peter exchanged looks, Peter answered, “We have heard that Nelson Harper is stopping by your haus from time to time. Is that true?”
“It is.”
Mary inhaled sharply.
Peter frowned. “This is most irregular. I never understood why he had the nerve to visit you in the first place. But what I really don’t understand is why he is still visiting you.”
“Why are you allowing him on Jimmy’s property?” Mary asked.
Jimmy’s property? It was hers now. Wasn’t it?
Before Jenna could think of a civil reply, Katie exclaimed, “Nelson is our friend! He gave us Blue.”
“Who is Blue?” Mary asked.
The tension between her and Jimmy’s parents was almost unbearable.
She would give anything to simply stand up and walk away.
But these people were Katie’s grandparents.
For her sake, Jenna knew she needed to be civil.
“Blue is a kitten. One of the workers at the mill was giving away free kittens. Nelson brought him over for Katie.”
“And you accepted it?”
“Indeed, we did.”
“Blue is so cute, Mammi.”
“I don’t understand why Nelson Harper brought a gift to our granddaughter,” Peter said in a low voice. “It is unseemly.”
“It wasn’t unseemly. Katie loves it.” This conversation was getting stranger and stranger. Why were they now acting as if she didn’t count?
“Nelson gave me a kitten because he calls me Kitty.” Katie took a bite and announced, “I love him.”
And . . . things just managed to get worse.
Peter’s expression turned thunderous. “Nelson is the reason Jimmy died, Jenna. It is his fault that he’s dead.”
It took everything she had not to run to Katie when she cried out. But she was too angry to do anything but speak her mind. “That is old news that was never true in the first place. Everyone knows that Jimmy had an accident.”
“That’s what everyone at the mill wants us to think,” he whispered. “But it is not the truth.”
“The truth is that the police and all sorts of people investigated Jimmy’s accident.
Everyone in the building was interviewed, and the machine was even examined by the company who made it.
In addition, I spoke to the police officers who were on the scene.
I also spoke to the EMTs, and the doctors and nurses who attended to him in the hospital.
Jimmy was in an awful accident. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.
But if you do want to blame someone besides Jimmy, Nelson isn’t the right man.
He was nowhere near Jimmy when it happened. ”
“It was his company,” Mary said. “It’s because of him that we no longer have a son. And why Katie won’t ever have a daed.”
Tears were now streaming down Katie’s face. Jenna felt herself shaking as she realized that Peter and Mary’s words were likely to never be completely forgotten. They were scarring her poor daughter.
It wasn’t right. It wasn’t right at all.
She got to her feet. “Come along, Katie. We are leaving.” When Katie hurried to her side with a grateful look, any traces of doubt that remained inside of her vanished.
“You can’t go, Jenna. You just got here,” Peter said as he stood up.
“We cannot stay. Not now.” She put an arm around Katie’s shoulders.
“But what would Jimmy want?” Mary asked. She sounded on the edge of tears.
That was the last straw. “I don’t know what Jimmy would want, Mary.
He has been gone for almost two years. All I do know is that he treated me and Katie like we were precious to him.
He loved me and he adored Katie, and there is nothing you can say that would convince me that he would be okay with you making Katie cry. ”
“Your friendship with Nelson is the problem.”
“Nee, it is your refusal to admit that it is no one’s fault that Jimmy died. And your refusal to see how much harm your cruel words about Nelson and my acceptance of his friendship have caused.”
Jenna hurried to the front door, grabbing her purse. “Come on, Katie. We don’t need to be here anymore.” As the door closed behind them, she felt as if she was talking about more than just this one meal. It felt as if she was talking about their future.
It was painful to acknowledge.
Katie gripped her hand as they walked back through the yard and eventually got to the road.
When thunder roared overhead, Katie didn’t even flinch. She simply kept clinging to Jenna’s hand and walking in a straight line.
Jenna was thankful for the silence. Honestly, she had nothing of worth to say.
Nothing that would change their reality, anyway.