Chapter 5
FIVE
VIVIENNE
He kept staring at me.
I wondered what he was looking at. Was my hair out of place? Did I have something on my face?
I couldn’t help thinking of the way Carter used to criticize me all the time.
“What’s wrong with you, Vivienne? You’re a mess. What have you done with your hair? Did you change your makeup? You look like a clown!”
And on and on and on…the criticism literally never stopped. Whenever my late husband noticed me at all, it was only to tell me what was wrong with me.
I put a hand to my face, wondering what the problem could be. Kor’s eyes kept returning to my eyes and then my lips. What could be wrong?
“Do…do I have something on my face?” I asked hesitantly.
“What? Oh, no—nothing like that,” he said quickly. “I just…didn’t expect you to be so beautiful.”
“Beautiful?” I thought I must have heard him wrong. No one had ever called me beautiful before—not since I got married to Carter, anyway. He had only looked at me to find fault.
“Well, yes. I mean, look at you—you’re fucking gorgeous.”
He actually sounded serious and the look on his face, when I dared to glance up at him, said he wasn’t joking around.
My face flooded with heat, and I tried to laugh.
“You must be mistaken—I’m past forty—over the hill. I don’t even have Heat Cycles anymore.”
“You certainly don’t look over the hill,” was his answer. Then, seeing I was blushing, he looked abruptly abashed.
“Look, I’m so sorry—I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“Oh, you didn’t!” I said quickly, although to be honest, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. “I…I just…no one’s ever said that to me before.”
“They haven’t?” He looked genuinely surprised. “I don’t understand that. Didn’t Uncle Carter ever compliment you?”
This time my cheeks heated with shame. How could I explain that my late husband had looked at me only to find fault?
How could I tell him that Carter constantly told me what was wrong with me…
but never anything that was right. Even on our wedding day he only looked me over and said, “She’ll do, I suppose.
” And that was pretty much the nicest thing he ever said.
“I…um…” I shook my head, at a loss for words as the bad memories overwhelmed me.
“Now I went and made you uncomfortable again. I’m sorry,” Kor apologized. “I promise I’m not always such a jerk. It’s just been a long day, and you surprised me when you took off that veil.”
“Oh, well…” I cleared my throat. “It’s all right. It’s been a long day for me too.”
“Of course it has!” He raked a hand through his hair. “I just keep making things worse, don’t I? Look, tell me if you want me to leave.”
“No, no,” I said quickly, surprising myself with my certainty. “No, I invited you to stay—please don’t leave.”
“Well, thank you.” He gave an embarrassed sounding chuckle. “I promise I can do better.”
“You’re fine,” I assured him. “Look, would you like a tour of the house? Then we can get you settled in one of the guest rooms.”
“That would be great, Vivienne. Thank you.” He nodded and smiled at me. It was a charming, slightly crooked smile where one side of his mouth went up higher than the other.
I didn’t know why but I really liked it—I liked him. I liked looking at him—his bare chest and torso still dripping with rainwater and his big brown eyes, fringed thickly with lashes several shades darker than his golden-brown hair.
I liked talking to him too—there was something so warm and natural in the way he talked and his deep voice was calm and soothing.
There was something unaffected about him—something genuine that drew me after years of awkward, stilted conversation with my late husband, where all he did was pick at me and complain about the ways I wasn’t good enough.
I took him through the Manor, showing off all the places Carter had been most proud of.
The library, filled with rare books my late husband had never bothered to read, the solarium filled with tropical plants that blossomed year-round, the gymnasium, furnished with all the latest fitness equipment and a full set of weights, the billiards room, and of course, the indoor swimming pool where the water was kept at a constant 75 degrees.
“But I’m afraid you won’t be able to swim in it,” I apologized to Kor as we looked at the vast expanse of water.
“I let most of the servants go after Carter died and I’m not very good at adding the chemicals myself.
I think I didn’t add enough last time and now I have some algae growing on the deep end. ”
“Oh, you probably just need to shock it,” Kor said, frowning at the water.
“Shock it?” I asked, raising my eyebrows in confusion.
“Sure—you need to add extra chlorine. I can do it if you want me to,” he added. “My Dad and I lived in Florida for a while after my mom died and I had a job as a pool boy. I mean, I went around to people’s houses and checked the pH balance of their pools and regulated the chemicals.”
“Oh, could you?” I asked hopefully. “I’d love that. I’m not a very strong swimmer myself but I do like to paddle around in the shallow end from time to time.”
“I’d love to—just show me where you keep the chemicals,” he told me. “And please let me know if there’s anything else I can do around here to help. I like to earn my keep.”
I almost said that just his company was compensation enough—that it was nice to know I wasn’t going to be so lonely, knocking around in the big old house by myself anymore.
But I thought that might sound too forward, so I just smiled and showed him the small closet where the pool chemicals were kept.
I gave him one of the spare towels too, and took one for myself. I probably should have gotten changed out of my wet clothing before we started this tour, but for some reason, I hadn’t bothered. Maybe I was just too distracted by my new houseguest’s charming smile and warm personality.
Or maybe you just liked the way he looks all wet and half naked, a scandalous voice whispered in my head.
Quickly, I pushed it away. Though Kor and I weren’t blood related any attraction between us would be utterly forbidden.
Fatally so—we could be killed for breaking the Unbreakable Laws of our Pack.
Most packs have two Unbreakable Laws which state that no two people who are in any way related may have carnal relations and also that a male must never breed his female while he is in his Fur Form.
But the Blackridge Pack had a third Unbreakable Law—that no one may breed a Moon Widow. Unless, of course, the Alpha who breeds her is the new Pack Leader.
The first law makes sense, of course and the third…well, I don’t know when it started. As I said, most Packs only have the first two.
The reason for the second law—the one about breeding in Fur Form—is the fact that the women of our Pack have no wolves. We have Were blood in our veins but are unable to shift to a different form.
The males, on the other hand, turn into truly enormous wolves with equipment to match.
Breeding in Fur Form could injure a woman if the wolf in question wasn’t extremely careful.
Also, it was considered animalistic—a degradation of the woman involved—the ultimate shame she could endure, even though the male who was breeding her in his wolf form was still wholly sentient.
I still didn’t understand why my long-lost friend, Marcella had agreed to let her husband breed her in Fur Form.
Maybe she liked it because it was forbidden—she had always been a free spirit.
Which was probably one reason why she didn’t mind making friends with me, though every other woman in the Pack shunned me.
I never would have wanted to do such a thing with Carter.
His wolf was cruel—I saw him hunt in that form and he always tore the little animals he caught to shreds.
The very idea of giving myself to him in that form made me shiver with disgust, so I was very glad that he’d been invested in upholding the Pack Laws.
“…want me to shock it tonight?” Kor asked.
“Oh, excuse me?” I said quickly, realizing that I’d missed something he’d said. “I’m sorry—ever since Carter died, I’ve been, er, getting lost in my own thoughts,” I added.
“Of course—you’re still grieving.” His deep voice was gentle. “I just wanted to know if you wanted me to shock the pool tonight. The sooner I do it, the faster you can go swimming again.”
“Oh, no—please! I didn’t bring you down here to put you to work.” I put a hand on his arm and felt that strange tingling again that made my nipples go tight. I pulled away quickly, flustered and confused. Why did I have that strange sensation when I touched him? What did it mean?
I wondered if Kor felt it too, because he shifted from foot to foot and a sudden blush appeared on his high cheekbones. He shifted his folded coat and shirt, which he was still carrying, from under his arm to the front of his body—almost as though he was trying to hide something.
“Er—it’s no problem, really,” he said, his voice sounding slightly strained. “I like to swim too—I’ll do it right now if you have a Ph kit to test the water with.”
“I do—I think it’s with the chemicals,” I said quickly, taking a step back. “If you really don’t mind, it would be lovely to have the pool in working order again.” Then I had a thought. “Why don’t I go make us some hot cocoa to warm up with while you do it?”
“Some hot cocoa sounds delicious.” He gave me that easy, infectious grin of his, looking more at ease now that I had put some distance between us.
“Wonderful. Then I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a little while. Oh, that’s in the East Wing, in case you’re wondering,” I added. “I don’t think I showed it to you yet.”
He laughed.
“I always wondered what it would be like to stay in a house that had ‘wings.’ All this luxury—you must love it here.”
“Actually, it’s too big—Wolverton is cold and lonely most of the time,” I said.
His face sobered.
“I’m sure it must feel like that now that Uncle Carter is gone. I don’t know if I said it before, but I’m very sorry for your loss.”
“Actually, it was cold and lonely even before he died,” I said and then wondered why I had admitted such a thing. Kor was going to think I was some crazy grieving widow lady if I wasn’t careful.
“Er…I’d better get to that cocoa,” I said, trying to smile. “Meet you in the kitchen in a little while.”
“Sure—in the East Wing.” He laughed a little, brightening the mood, which I appreciated.
I gave him what I’m sure appeared to be a strained smile and scurried off down the hallway.
What is wrong with me? I wondered as I hurried back to my room to get dressed in something dry before I went to the kitchen. Why do I keep getting those weird sensations when I touch him or he touches me?
My whole body was still humming with the latest, brief contact and when I pulled off my wet dress and bra, I found that my nipples were so tight they ached.
Between my legs, though, was another story. I was horrified to find, when I changed my underwear, that I was actually wet down there. I don’t mean like I wet my pants—I mean the other kind of wet. The kind you get when you’re aroused with a man.
Or you’re supposed to, anyway. I had never felt anything like that with Carter.
I’d only read about it in the romance novels I managed to smuggle from the library when he wasn’t watching me too closely.
Though once he found out what I was reading, he went down to the library and forbid them from letting me check out such “filth” ever again.
Since then, I’d only been allowed to read the very tamest love stories—mostly about Amish women who pined quietly for strong young Amish men who were apparently more interested in splitting kindling and raising barns than having sex.
It occurred to me that now that Carter was gone, I could go check out anything I wanted. Or I could buy myself an e-book reader, and download all manner of filth that would have turned my late husband’s hair blue with shock.
Maybe I’ll do it, I thought to myself, as I washed my face. I had already ordered some new clothes—clothes he never would have approved of. But I didn’t even know if I would have the nerve to wear them alone in the house—let alone out in town.
I changed into a modest nightgown with a lace neck and wrapped myself in a matching robe. I belted the robe tightly around my waist and slipped my feet into my favorite furry slippers.
There, I thought with satisfaction, glancing at myself in the full-length oval mirror on its antique wooden frame. I look perfectly modest.
No one who saw me in my long robe and fuzzy slippers, my face washed clean of make-up, could imagine I was trying to start anything untoward with the handsome young heir who had come to town.
I shook my head. Now where had that thought come from? Of course I wasn’t trying to start anything with Kor! Even if I wasn’t a Moon Widow, he was much too young for me. It would still be completely indecent for us to…to…
I pushed the thought out of my head before it could fully form, still wondering what was wrong with me. I was acting like I had never seen a man before.
A young, handsome man, whispered the voice of temptation in my head.
Much too young for me, I sent back briskly.
Really, there was no point in even thinking such forbidden thoughts. Kor was a decade my junior. There was no way such a tall, handsome young Alpha would be interested in a dried-up Omega who didn’t even get her Heat Cycle anymore.
Keeping that thought firmly in the front of my mind, I marched through the winding corridors of the mansion back to the East Wing.
I had some cocoa to make for my guest and that was all I was going to think about.