Chapter 39
THIRTY-NINE
VIVIENNE
Kor was silent for so long, I was sure he was disgusted with me. After all, why wouldn’t he be? My breasts were all swollen and leaking and my nightgown was sticking to me. I was a mess.
“Look, just give me the pump and I’ll take care of myself,” I said.
Snatching my robe closed, I grabbed the boxes. Ignoring the pain in my breasts as I lifted them, I marched upstairs to my room and began unpacking the pump immediately.
There were a few instructions—it wasn’t hard to figure out. Even though my hands were trembling, I managed to get everything assembled. I pulled up my nightgown and pushed the pump’s suction cup to my swollen right breast in record time.
Then, anticipating the massive relief that offloading the nectar would be, I pressed the button, and the machine began to suck rhythmically at my nipple.
It lasted exactly three seconds before a gasped in pain and turned the thing off. The suction was simply too painful to my swollen breast and tender nipple.
But no—I couldn’t give up so soon. I had to try again. I had to get the nectar out of my breasts, or I could get really sick! I knew that much from listening to the other female Weres talk when they didn’t know I was listening.
As I prepared to try again, I heard a knock on the connecting door.
“Don’t come in!” I said loudly.
But the door creaked open anyway and Kor came into my bedchamber.
“I heard you gasp,” he said, frowning. “It’s not working, is it?”
“Yes it is!” I lied. Pressing the suction cup end of the pump to my other nipple, I pressed the button again.
This time the pain was even worse, but I bore it in silence, gritting my teeth and willing myself not to say anything. Soon it felt like my nipple was on fire and my breast was caught in a vise as the breast pump sucked and sucked.
At last, I couldn’t take it anymore and a breathless moan of pure pain escaped my lips.
“Stop that!” Kor was beside me instantly. “Stop it, Vivienne—you’re hurting yourself!”
He took my hand from the pump and found the button to turn it off. A moment later the suction stopped, and he pulled the pump away from my swollen breast.
Both my breasts were now in terrible pain but even worse, when I looked at the reservoir of the pump, I saw that it hadn’t sucked anything out at all. The nectar, which was much more viscous than milk, was apparently too thick to suck out.
I had put myself through torture for nothing.
“Vivienne, this thing isn’t going to work, and you know it,” Kor said sternly, setting the pump on my nightstand. “You know there’s only one cure when an Omega’s breasts fill with nectar.”
I bit my lip as I looked up at him.
“I know,” I said in a low voice. “But I can’t…I don’t think we should. It’s wrong—I’m a Moon Widow. I’m not supposed to go into Heat.”
“Well, you are,” he said implacably. “Now what are we going to do about it? Are you going to let me help you or not?”
I fisted the coverlet on either side of me in frustration.
“But it’s wrong! The Council and the Pack—”
“Fuck the Council of Elders and the Pack,” Kor said roughly. “Are you going to let yourself get Nectar Poisoning—possibly even Heat Fever—to please that bunch of judgmental idiots?”
I started to cry then—I couldn’t help it. The tears had been right on the surface all morning and now they overflowed and ran down my cheeks.
“I know it’s stupid. It’s just, I’ve been judged by them for the past twenty years. It’s hard to go against what I’ve been taught all my life—even if it hurts me,” I admitted in a low voice.
Kor’s face—which had been strained with worry—softened at once. He dropped to his knees beside the bed and took both my hands in his.
“Vivienne, sweetheart, let me help you,” he said in a low voice. “I can’t stand to see you in pain—please.”
I blinked through my tears and looked at him uncertainly.
“You…you really want to help me like that? You don’t think I look disgusting—all swollen and leaking?”
“Disgusting?” He looked at me incredulously. “Baby, you’re beautiful. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. And yes, I really want to help you.” He looked earnestly into my eyes. “Look, just let me suck the nectar out. I promise it won’t lead to anything else.”
“Well…” I wanted to say yes—I wanted this pain to end. But I still felt so guilty…
Kor seemed to read my mind.
“We won’t be breaking the Unbreakable Laws,” he promised softly. “I won’t be breeding you. I’ll just be helping you. Please.”
I think it was that last “please” that did me in. That and the fact that I trusted him and knew he wouldn’t hurt me.
“Well… all right,” I said at last. “But I need to take a shower first—I’m all sticky.”
Kor nodded.
“All right, but don’t take too long. You’re already in bad shape—I don’t want you to get Nectar Poisoning.”
“I’ll hurry,” I promised and scurried into the bathroom.
Oh Goddess, I thought, as I turned on the shower and peeled off my nightgown. Was I really going to let him do this to me? Was I really going to let him suck the nectar out of my swollen breasts.
It seemed that I was, and the realization brought equal amounts of guilt and relief.
But Kor was right—I couldn’t let myself die just because I had internalized all the judgment and guilt of everyone in Blackridge.
The Pack would be scandalized if they knew I was having my first real Heat Cycle at forty—and they’d be horrified if they knew I was going to let Kor help me through it—at least part of it.
But why should I care what they thought, I asked myself? My entire time here they’d treated me as an outsider and an outcast. None of them even liked me and I didn’t like them either. Why should I let them dictate my life now that Carter was dead and gone?
With those self-affirming thoughts swirling in my head. I rinsed off quickly in the shower and then wrapped myself in a big, puffy white towel.
I was going to let Kor help me, but I wasn’t going to go any further than that, I promised myself. I wasn’t going to die just to please the narrow-minded, judgmental people of Blackridge Pack.
And I held firm in that commitment…until I walked back into my bedchamber and found Kor waiting for me.