Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
Once I’ve shown the police out, DI Blake saying they would be in touch, which had sounded more ominous than reassuring, I go back to the lounge to find Jack at the drinks tray.
Seeing the tense set of his shoulders as he stands with his back to me, I resist commenting, though I’m sick with worry: about his sudden propensity for drinking more than the odd beer, the unpredictability I hadn’t previously seen in him.
Also about the fact the DI Blake had seemed to be checking whether he had an alibi. Jack clearly knows she was.
‘You’ve changed your shirt,’ I say, my heart thudding as I wonder what his reaction will be.
‘What?’ He glances distractedly back at me.
‘Your shirt.’ I nod towards it. ‘You were wearing the denim one I bought you earlier. I remember thinking how nice it looked on you.’
‘Oh, right.’ He looks down at himself. ‘I pricked my hand on the rose tree when you got snagged. Got blood on it, so I changed it at the office before going on to the job.’
Is that the truth? I eye him suspiciously as he takes a sip from his glass. I’m questioning everything about him, I realise, and I hate myself for it, but how can I not? ‘You’ll need to soak it,’ I tell him.
‘I will,’ he nods, still distracted, and falls quiet.
‘I’m going up to check on Evie,’ I say, thinking someone should before Lina muscles her way in.
He drags a hand across the back of his neck and turns to face me. ‘I was just about to. You should try to rest,’ he says, running concerned eyes over me. ‘You shouldn’t be having to cope with all of this. You’re probably wondering what the hell you let yourself in for.’
I don’t comment. I don’t feel I can reassure him I’m fine. ‘We need to talk,’ I say, ‘but not now. I think we need to concentrate on Evie. She’ll be…’ I trail off, glancing up to the balustrade as Evie emerges from her room.
Seeing her, Jack gulps the contents of his glass back, then wipes a hand across his mouth and goes to meet her as she descends the stairs.
‘She left her bracelet here,’ Evie says, her gaze on the piece of jewellery she’s holding between her thumb and forefinger. ‘Her mum bought it for her birthday. It has her birthstone on it,’ she adds, tears sliding down her cheeks.
I walk across to her and glance down at the pretty Pandora bracelet and the bright red garnet charm attached to it, and another piece of my heart fractures, for Imogen and her mother both.
I know her mother will never get over this, that the pain will never go away.
For Evie, too, as I wonder how she will cope with it.
Two bereavements in her short life, her mother and now her best friend, is surely too much emotional trauma for her to bear.
Jack moves towards her, wrapping an arm hesitantly around her and drawing her to him. To his obvious relief, Evie leans into him, burying her face in his shoulder. ‘It will be all right, sweetheart, I promise,’ he murmurs.
She pushes away from him. ‘No, it won’t.
You know it won’t.’ She scans his face, her own a turmoil of emotion: shock and disbelief, but most of all fear.
‘She wanted to talk to me. She wanted to stay friends. She asked me to meet her in town, but then we argued again and she stropped off. She said she was going home. I felt bad so I went to her house, but she wasn’t there.
Why did she go to some car park on her own? ’
‘I don’t know,’ he says, his voice cracking. ‘We might never know, but it’s not your—’
‘It’s just like Mum all over again.’ Evie swipes tears from her cheeks.
‘Immy was my best friend before all of this shit. She told me she would always be, that she loved me, and then she fucking well tops herself. Why? Is it me?’ She stares at Jack in terrified incomprehension. ‘Did she jump because of me?’
‘No!’ Jack says vehemently. ‘Don’t you dare blame yourself for any of this. It was nothing to do with you.’
‘What’s wrong with me?’ Evie looks desperately from him to me.
‘Nothing.’ He moves towards her again. ‘Nothing,’ he repeats forcefully. ‘You’ve been through a lot. You’re bound to be—’
‘Messed up!’ She backs away from him. ‘I’m totally messed up, Dad. You know I am.’
‘Evie, don’t.’ Jack tries to catch her arm, but she yanks it away.
‘Why did Mum jump?’ she asks, her eyes frantic. ‘Why didn’t you stop her?’
He presses the heel of his hand against his forehead. ‘I tried.’ His eyes search her face, imploring. ‘She was out of control. I couldn’t hold on to—’
‘Where were you when Immy was throwing herself off a car park?’ Evie demands. ‘Why didn’t you answer your phone?’
‘Evie…’ The blood drains visibly from Jack’s face. ‘Just stop this, will you?’ He reaches again for her.
‘Don’t touch me,’ she hisses, then she spins around and races back to the stairs.
‘What in God’s name…?’ Raking a hand through his hair, Jack stares after her as she flies up them.
I look from his stricken face to the landing and then bolt up after her.
‘Evie?’ I knock on her door, then push through it, regardless of whether she wants me to. I can’t leave her like this.
‘Go away,’ she cries, from where she’s sitting on the bed, her knees drawn up to her chest. ‘I don’t want you here. You shouldn’t come anywhere near me. I’m cursed.’
‘Oh, Evie.’ My heart aches for her. ‘You’re not cursed, sweetheart. None of what’s happened is your fault.’
She doesn’t answer. Shuffling back towards the headboard, she grabs the raggedy rabbit she’d brought with her from Lina’s and clutches it to her.
I hesitate for a second, then sit carefully on the edge of the bed. ‘You’re upset, angry. You’re bound to be.’ I attempt to reassure her. ‘It’s all part of the grieving process. You’ll be feeling confused and guilty. I know how that feels, Evie, but you mustn’t blame yourself.’
‘You have no idea how I feel.’ Her aggressive response takes me aback. ‘You don’t know me. You’re not my mum. You can’t replace her. It’s you who’s confused if you think you can.’
‘I don’t.’ I shake my head, hurt and bewildered, even though I guess she’s just lashing out. ‘I never imagined I could.’
‘And while we’re on the subject,’ she goes on as if I haven’t spoken, ‘my nan is not confused either. She sees you for what you are, a money-grabbing cow!’
That pierces my heart like an icicle, and I stare at her, staggered. Where is all of this coming from? Lina, obviously. What has she told her? ‘That’s not true, Evie,’ I say shakily.
Evie’s expression is hard, her eyes hostile as she glares at me, and I feel tears rising so fast I struggle to hold them back. ‘I should go.’ I stand abruptly and hurry to the door.
‘I’m sorry,’ she blurts behind me. ‘I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.’
I falter. I shouldn’t just walk out, but I can’t do this. I just don’t feel strong enough.
‘It’s just that I heard you talking about drawing up joint wills even though you haven’t known each other that long, and I thought—’
‘Because we can’t get married yet!’ I spin around to face her, the tears spilling from my eyes. Surely Evie must realise I’ve no need of Jack’s money, that any discussion we’ve had about our finances was with her interests in mind. ‘We’re drawing up our wills to protect you and our unborn—’
Our eyes lock as there’s an almighty crash downstairs, followed by a shrill scream.
Evie’s face pales and she shoots off the bed. ‘Nan!’ she calls, skidding past me to the landing.