Chapter 65
SIXTY-FIVE
EVIE
I should feel something as I watch my mother flail backwards, her body tumbling and bouncing off every step of the stairs.
I don’t feel anything. Because you see it all now, don’t you?
whispers a knowing voice in my head. I do.
I see her. Who she is. What she did. Where before there was nothing but broken images, that whole day in Antigua now plays through my mind like a bad movie.
I’m right there, walking back to the harbourside restaurant with my dad.
The sun warming my face feels good. After having a fun time sightseeing with him, an unusual calmness envelops me, the constant chatter in my head stilled by the soothing sound of waves lapping against the harbour walls.
I glance upwards. Candyfloss clouds skitter across an azure sky, promising a beautiful day.
It wasn’t a beautiful day. She spoiled it.
She spoils everything. I see her standing at the quayside as we approach the restaurant.
She glances over her shoulder, making sure Dad sees her, lifting her arms, scooping her hair back, all the better to show off her boobs to the tanned, sparkling-white-teeth sort whose only attraction as far as I can tell is his great big fucking yacht.
I glance at my dad. A telling tic goes in his cheek. He’s angry, his mood dark suddenly, as if a fat grey cloud has descended over us, yet still he smiles, a heart-crushingly sad smile as he looks at me, attempting to reassure me.
She doesn’t speak as she saunters across to us, walking straight past my dad with barely a glance. She looks lingeringly back at the flash guy with the yacht, though, who’s watching her go, his eyes glued to her backside.
My dad’s face is thunderous. He’s pissed off, the voice whispers.
I know this. It’s obvious by the way he’s kneading his forehead as he turns to follow her to the trail loop we decided to walk, taking in the stunning clifftop views.
As if he wants to see them with her flirting with some wealthy wanker right in front of his eyes.
‘Why are you doing this, Natalia?’ he asks her, as she walks ahead of us.
‘Doing what?’ She turns around, blinking innocently and almost tripping over the stupid toe-bar sandals she’s wearing.
‘You know very well what.’ Dad’s look is somewhere between anger and deep humiliation.
‘I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. Are you sure it’s not all in your mind, Jack?’ she asks, arching her eyebrows amusedly before turning to stroll on.
I’m heading reluctantly after her when I realise my dad’s not following. I glance back to see him standing with his head bowed, his body language utterly defeated, and fury sparks inside me. ‘Cow!’ I snarl, catching up with my mother. ‘Why do you have to keep hurting him?’
She looks at me in surprise. ‘I’m not hurting him, Evie.’ She sighs. ‘It’s complicated, sweetheart. We—’
‘He works his guts out for you,’ I snap. ‘He’s trying to build up his business with nil support from you. He does everything he can to try to make you happy. And you just throw it back in his face.’
‘Oh, his business.’ She laughs cynically.
‘It’s my income from the hospital that pays the bills, Evie.
I think that qualifies as me supporting him, don’t you?
’ She glances indifferently towards my dad as he approaches.
‘He does work hard, I’ll give him that. It’s not me he’s working to impress, though. Is it, Jack?’
Shaking his head in despair, my dad says nothing.
‘He’s not quite the saint you think he is, Evie,’ my mum adds, walking on.
Dad shrugs apologetically and gives me another one of those smiles that don’t reach his eyes. I can’t remember the last time he smiled properly.
We walk on in complete silence. So much for the family day out together. It’s all ruined. Because of her. I fix my gaze on her back, fury spiralling dangerously inside me no matter how hard I try to quash it.
She stops after a while, and gazes out over the panoramic clifftop view. ‘Come and look, Evie,’ she says, glancing over her shoulder at me. ‘It’s breathtaking.’
I shrink back. I want to step forward, but I daren’t. I can hear the waves crashing against the rocks below, and the thoughts that creep uninvited into my head scare me.
Dad approaches, tentatively. As he stops by her side, she doesn’t acknowledge him. Doesn’t look at him.
He sighs heavily. ‘Can we not do this, Natalia?’ he asks. ‘Can’t we just pretend to get along for the rest of the holiday, for Evie’s sake?’
‘Pretend? Ha!’ She laughs. ‘You’re good at pretending aren’t you, Jack?’ She twists to eye him with sheer contempt, and my heart drops to the pit of my belly.
I see his despair, his hurt. I can feel it. How can he just stand there taking that shit? Why doesn’t he say something? Fight back?
She drags her gaze away. ‘I want you out of the house,’ she says after a moment.
‘What?’ My dad looks bewildered.
‘It’s not working,’ she goes on, still not bothering to look at him. ‘It’s never going to. I want you to leave.’
‘Right.’ His expression hardens. ‘And if I refuse?’
‘Then I’ll change the locks.’ She shrugs. ‘And if you try to force your way in…’
‘Force my way in?’ He laughs, incredulous. ‘What the hell are you on about, Natalia?’
‘…I’ll call the police,’ she finishes.
He falls silent for a moment, then nods slowly. ‘Would you like to tell me why?’ he asks.
‘Are you serious?’ She emits an astonished laugh. ‘You’re cheating on me.’
‘Jesus.’ My dad bangs the heel of his hand against his forehead. ‘I am not cheating on you. I told you, nothing happened.’
‘Liar!’ she hisses. ‘I saw you going into her house. I saw you trying to leave, pretty difficult with her draped around your neck. After that, I saw her damn message inviting you over. And your reply. For God’s sake, stop lying!’
Dad draws in a terse breath. ‘It was perfectly innocent. She was upset, I’ve explained all this. I’ve also explained that I felt it was too risky to leave you on your own because you were having one of your depressive episodes.’
‘Bullshit,’ she snarls. ‘It was just another attempt to make me feel guilty. I suppose it’s my fault you fucked her as well. Did you sell her a sob story, tell her you were feeling lonely? So bewildered by your poor bonkers wife’s behaviour, you needed someone to comfort you? Was that it?’
Dad stares icily at her. ‘It’s not me who’s been cheating in this relationship, Natalia,’ he says, his voice tight with suppressed anger. ‘And you know it.’
‘You’re a liar, Jack Conley!’ she cries. ‘You pretend to be a paragon of virtue and you’re not! You twist things. You make everything my fault. And it’s not. You make me feel I’m not worthy of love because you can’t love me. I need you to go. As soon as we get back, I want you to—’
‘Okay!’ Dad shouts over her. ‘I’ve got the message. I’ll go, if that’s what you want.’ He pauses, studying her carefully. ‘But Evie comes with me.’
‘You are joking?’ She scans his face. ‘You would do it, wouldn’t you? Take my daughter away from me to punish me? You absolute bastard. Don’t you dare. I’ll kill you, Jack. I swear I will if you even try to take her. You don’t love her. You’re incapable of loving anyone.’
‘So you say,’ Dad replies, his jaw tense. ‘And do you think anyone will believe that, Natalia? Do you imagine for one minute that the authorities will allow her to stay with someone with your history?’
She’s stunned into silence. Then, ‘You’ll get custody of her over my dead body!’ she screams. ‘Do you hear?’
‘Loud and clear.’ Dad moves towards her. ‘We’ll talk about it when you’re less irate, shall we?’
‘Do not fucking patronise me,’ she hisses, pushing him away.
My heart flips over as Dad almost loses his footing, but still she goes after him, shoving him again and again. ‘Will you just stop!’ he yells, grabbing hold of her. ‘For fuck’s sake, stop, will you? You’re completely… Jesus Christ, Evie, stay back!’