Chapter 67
SIXTY-SEVEN
KARA
Lina refuses to move from Natalia’s side even as the ambulance arrives.
I wrap my arm around her and give her a gentle squeeze.
Even after all she’s done, I can’t help but feel for her.
I’m not sure I’m convinced she isn’t capable of realising the physical harm she could have caused me and my baby, but she’s clearly extremely confused, living her life half in the past, half in the present.
She was obviously being coerced by Natalia, desperate to stop her, desperate also not to lose her again, and in so doing losing Evie.
‘We have to move away now, Lina,’ I urge her.
Lina shakes her head. ‘I can’t leave her,’ she says, blinking bewilderedly at one of the paramedics. ‘I’m her mother. I have to go with her. She’ll be so scared on her own.’
That surprises me. She clearly had loved her daughter. I hope it will have been of some comfort to Natalia to have heard her say it before she took her last breath. ‘I think Evie needs you, Lina,’ I try to coax her. ‘She’ll be scared too. She’s in the kitchen. Do you think you should go to her?’
Lina’s eyes travel that way. ‘Oh, the poor girl,’ she murmurs. ‘She’ll be so confused.’
‘Come on.’ I steer her gently away. ‘Let’s give the paramedics some space, shall we?’
‘My Natalia does love her, you know?’ she says as we head towards the kitchen. ‘She loves Jack too. Sometimes the person you love most is the person who causes you the deepest pain, though, isn’t it?’ She glances meaningfully at Jack as we pass him by the door.
My mind shoots to what she’d said about Derek, why he’d left and what she claimed to have told Jack when he’d turned her away from their house. Was that the truth? If so, why did he not pass the information on to Natalia? Was he trying to protect her? Or to alienate her? I can’t help but wonder.
Natalia claimed it was Jack who’d pushed her.
Lina believed he had too, but she only had Natalia’s word for it.
She was repeating things at her daughter’s behest. To what end?
To convince me that Jack was all Natalia had said and split us up, presumably.
But Jack hadn’t been responsible for her fall in Antigua.
By her own admission, Evie was the one who’d pushed her.
Yet Natalia had been so adamant that Jack was unpredictable, violent and manipulative, coercing her into believing that everything that was wrong in their marriage was because of her.
What had she been going to tell me about his parents? A new worry niggles away at me. More about Jack’s upbringing, the reason she considered he was the way he was?
She’d said he was unfeeling, that he himself wondered whether his father had beaten any feeling out of him.
As I go back to the lounge to see him wiping tears from his face, it’s clear to me that he’s feeling every painful emotion.
Natalia had to be lying, or else she was just wrong.
She was undoubtedly struggling with her mental health.
Isn’t Jack bound to have been psychologically affected by all that’s happened, though, both now and before the tragedy in Antigua?
His marriage must have been fraught for some time, and he had to have been badly traumatised as a child.
It occurs to me then that he’s never really talked about his life before Natalia, and I wonder how well I really know him.
I go to him as the paramedics attend to Natalia. He’s clearly bereft, his head bowed, his shoulders slumped, and my heart bleeds for him and Evie both. ‘Jack,’ I say softly, placing a hand on his arm.
He looks up sharply, as if he hadn’t known I was there.
‘It’s my fault,’ he says, his voice hoarse.
‘I should have been there for her, been all she needed me to be, that Evie needs me to be. What do I do, Kara?’ His eyes are haunted as they search mine.
‘I tried to protect her. I couldn’t. I can’t. What do I do?’
‘You need help to come to terms with this, Jack,’ I tell him, hoping to God that he agrees, for all our sakes. ‘Bereavement counselling. Evie does too. She’s obviously been bottling her emotions up.’ Until they exploded, I don’t add.
I wonder about what both Natalia and Jack had said about a genetic link.
Natalia had implied that there was a connection between Jack’s abusive behaviour and his father’s.
Jack had told me he suspected Natalia’s volatile behaviour might be genetically linked via her biological father, who suffered with dissociative identity disorder.
I’ve no way of knowing the truth from the lies, but it’s clear that Evie is struggling with mental issues too.
‘You need to persuade her, Jack,’ I add. ‘She needs a safe space where she can talk her feelings through.’
Emitting a shaky sigh, he nods. ‘Will you stay in Evie’s life?’ he asks, his expression a combination of uncertainty and fear. ‘I know she needs help. Much more than I can give her. She has for some time, but…’ He trails off, his gaze going to the door.
I glance over my shoulder to see Evie with Lina, holding tightly to her grandmother’s hand, her face paper-white as she watches her mother being taken away. ‘I’m here for her,’ I assure him, ‘if she wants me to be.’
I’m not sure how we will get through any of this, where our future lies.
I’m carrying this man’s child, though, and one thing I do know is that whatever Natalia said, whatever internal battles he’s struggling with, there is a big part of Jack that is loving, that’s worth loving.
Am I strong enough to help him fight his battles?
I don’t know. I do know I can’t just abandon him.
‘I’ll be there for you too,’ I tell him.
‘I can only do that, though, if you’re honest with me.
You haven’t been, and I need you to be. I know you’ve lied to protect Evie, but I need the truth now, Jack. All of it.’