CHAPTER THREE
Jessica
At thirty weeks pregnant, Jessica had stopped wearing shoes with dignity.
She sat on the edge of the bed looking at the pair of black flats Alex had bought her two weeks earlier after declaring her swollen feet a humanitarian emergency.
They were practical. Comfortable.Hideous.
She put them on. Pregnancy had defeated vanity through attrition.
Behind her, Alex emerged from the dressing room fastening his watch. He wore charcoal trousers, a white shirt, and the expression he wore when he was mentally three meetings ahead.
Jessica’s stomach knotted..
“You remember what time we’re leaving?”
Alex looked up. Then toward the clock. Then at her. There it was again. That fraction of a second when she saw the truth before he arranged it into something kinder. “Your appointment.”
“At ten.”
“Right.”
“You have a meeting.”
He crossed the bedroom. “I can move it.”
“You don’t have too. I know work is ... a lot right now.”
“Jessi.”
“It’s routine.”
He ran one hand through his hair.“This Belmont issue came up last night.”
“I know.”
“The Ashford committee wants the revised presentation before the ceremony.”
“It’s fine.”
“I said I would come.”
“And I’m releasing you from your sacred obligation.”
Alex’s expression hardened.“That isn’t fair.”
Jessica looked at him.“Which part?”
“The way you said that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize.”
“Apparently I do.”
He drew a breath.“Do you actually need me there today?”
The question hurt more than she expected. She stared at him.
Alex immediately looked regretful. “I mean medically. Is Jackson doing anything different?”
“I don’t know. That would be why I have an appointment.”
He rubbed his jaw. “Damn it.”
Jessica stood slowly.“Go to your meeting.”
“Jessi.”
“I mean it.”
“I can send Graham.”
“And you’ll spend the entire appointment answering emails because you’re worried about what Graham is doing.”
“That’s not fair either.”
“No, Alex. It’s accurate.”
Silence stretched between them Sophia moved.
Jessica pressed one hand to her side. Alex looked at the motion automatically.
His face softened. The sight almost made Jessica surrender.
Tell him she wanted him there. Tell him she was scared.
Tell him the headaches had become more frequent and yesterday she had seen flashing spots while standing at her drawing table.
Instead she picked up her handbag.“I’ll call you after.”
Alex stepped toward her. He kissed her. Not a distracted brush. A real kiss. His hand curved around the back of her neck. For a moment, Jessica remembered exactly why she had married him. Why eleven years hadn’t made his lips against hers feel ordinary.
Alex rested his forehead against hers.“I love you.”
“I know.”
His eyes opened.
She smiled before he could hear what was missing.“I love you too.”
Dr. Jackson frowned at the blood-pressure reading.
Jessica had begun to hate that expression.
“You’re making a face.”
“I’m thinking.”
“It’s not an attractive thought.”
“Neither is this pressure.”
Jessica’s fingers tightened around the examination table.“How bad?”
“Higher than I want.”
“Dangerously?”
“I’m not going to frighten you with adjectives.”
“That is a deeply doctor answer.”
Dr. Jackson gave her a small smile.“Your labs from last week were reassuring. I want repeat labs today. I want you resting more, and I’m increasing how often I see you.”
Jessica swallowed.“Is this preeclampsia?”
“We are watching you for a hypertensive complication. I’m not going to diagnose you based on one piece of information.”
“But it could become serious.”
“Yes.”
The honesty settled more heavily than reassurance would have. Jessica looked down at her hands. Her wedding ring had become painfully tight. She worked it over her knuckle with difficulty.
Dr. Jackson watched. “Swelling increased?”
“Yes.”
“Hands too?”
“Apparently.”
Once the ring came free, Jessica stared at the pale indentation around her finger. She suddenly felt exposed. Dr. Jackson handed her a tissue.
“For the ring?”
“You look like you might cry.”
“I’m not.”
“Also useful for the ring.”
Jessica laughed despite the pressure behind her eyes. She threaded the ring onto the delicate chain around her neck beside the small gold pendant Alex had given her on their fifth anniversary. There. Still close.Just not where it belonged.
Dr. Jackson pulled her stool nearer. “I need to ask you something.”
“That sounds ominous.”
“Do you have enough support at home?”
Jessica looked at her.
“Yes.”
“Alex is available?”
“He works.”
“So do most partners.”
Jessica’s face warmed.“That wasn’t what I meant.”
“I know.”
“He’s helping.”
Dr. Jackson nodded.“Good.”
No accusation. No judgment.Which somehow made Jessica feel worse.
“My sister is close too.”
“Good. Keep people close right now. This is not the stage of pregnancy where anyone wins an award for independence.”
Jessica almost laughed. Awards.Alex’s ceremony was in four days. The Ashford Medal. He pretended not to care when the nomination came through, then spent twenty minutes reading the email in the kitchen after he thought Jessica had gone upstairs.
She knew what the award meant. Kane Hill had nearly failed twice in its first five years.
Alex had borrowed against everything. Worked every weekend.
Taken projects other architects considered beneath them.
He had built his firm through a combination of talent, stubbornness, and a frightening inability to sleep.
Jessica had been there when they had two employees. She had painted sample boards at midnight when a client changed colors the day before a presentation. She had ordered food for interns and answered phones when their assistant quit.
The Ashford Medal belonged to Alex. She wanted him to have his night. So why did she feel like she was already preparing to apologize for interfering with it?
Alex called as she was leaving the office.“How did it go?”
Jessica unlocked her car.“They’re increasing monitoring.”
Silence.“Why?”
“My pressure is higher.”
“How much higher?”
“I don’t know the exact number.”
“Jessi.”
“I don’t.”
“You need to pay attention to those numbers.”
Jessica stopped beside the driver’s door. A pulse started behind her left eye.“I am paying attention.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Okay.”
“What did Jackson say?”
“Repeat labs. More rest. More appointments.”
“Anything else?”
“No.”
“Good.”
Jessica closed her eyes.
“Good?”
“I mean good that she didn’t send you to the hospital.”
“She’s concerned.”
“But you’re home.”
“I’m standing in a parking garage.”
“You know what I mean.”
She did. She wan’t admitted. No emergency. Therefore the fear belonged in a smaller box.
Alex continued. “You scared yourself for nothing last week with that machine.”
Jessica opened her eyes. The parking garage seemed suddenly too bright. “What?”
“I just mean those readings were inconsistent and you thought something was wrong.”
“I didn’t think something was wrong. I called because Dr. Jackson told me to monitor it.”
“I know. I’m saying there’s no reason to jump ahead.”
“To what?”
“To the worst outcome.”
Jessica stared through the windshield of the car parked beside hers. “I didn’t.”
“Jessi.”
“You did.”
He fell silent.
Jessica’s voice lowered.“You’re the one who decided I’m panicking.”
“That wasn’t what I meant.”
“It’s what you said.”
“I said it badly.”
“Yes, you did.”
“I’m sorry.”
She rested one hand beneath her belly. “Okay.”
“Are we okay?”
The question made something inside her ache. “Yes.”
“Jessica.”
“It’s fine.”
She heard the words. So did he.Alex exhaled.
“I’ll come home early.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
“I’m going to Natalie’s for lunch.”
“Then tonight.”
“Okay.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
This time, after hanging up, Jessica sat behind the wheel and cried. It wasn’t dramatic. Tears simply slipped down her face while she stared at the concrete wall in front of the car.She wiped them away before starting the engine.
Alex did come home early, at six thirty. He found Jessica soaking in the bathtub with her hair piled on top of her head and a glass of sparkling water balanced on the edge.
He leaned against the door. “Is this a private event?”
“Yes.”
He began unbuttoning his cuffs.
Jessica narrowed her eyes.“What are you doing?”
“You said private, not exclusive.”
He rolled up his sleeves and sat on the floor beside the tub instead of climbing in.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re doing that staring thing again.”
“You’re beautiful.”
Jessica looked away. “Flattery will not rehabilitate you.”
“I’m not trying to rehabilitate myself.”
“Liar.”
He picked up the shampoo bottle. “Turn around.”
“Why?”
“I’m washing your hair.”
She stared at him.
Alex raised an eyebrow. “Is there a problem?”
“No.”
“Then turn.”
Jessica obeyed. She sank lower into the warm water while Alex carefully removed the clip from her hair. Dark strands fell over her shoulders. His fingers moved through them gently. Jessica closed her eyes. The intimacy hurt.
He knew exactly how much shampoo to use because he had done this before. When she was sick. When she was tired. Once, after their miscarriage, when Jessica had been unable to make herself shower and Alex had climbed into the tub fully dressed because she couldn’t stop crying.
That man hadn’t vanished. He was sitting beside her now. Maybe that was why she kept forgiving the man who came home later and later.
Alex worked the shampoo through her scalp.“Too hard?”
“No.”
“Water okay?”
“Yes.”
“Headache?”
Jessica hesitated. “Little one.”
His hands slowed. “Do you need to call Jackson?”
“She said call if it becomes severe.”
“Is it severe?”
“No.”
“Vision?”
“Fine.”
“Pain?”
“No.”
“Sophia moving?”
“As aggressively as ever.”
His shoulders lowered.
Jessica watched his reflection in the mirror.
“You get scared.”
Alex looked at her. “Of course I do.”
“You don’t act scared.”
“What would that accomplish?”
The answer hurt more than she expected.
Jessica turned slightly in the tub. “Maybe I wouldn’t feel like I’m doing all the scared for both of us.”
Alex stared at her. For one second, she thought he understood.
Then he touched her cheek. “You don’t have to be scared.”
Jessica almost laughed. Instead she turned back around. “Rinse my hair.”
His hands hesitated. Then he did.
Later that night, Jessica stood at the bedroom mirror trying to slide her wedding ring back onto her finger. It would not pass the swollen knuckle.
Alex entered behind her. He stopped. “What are you doing?”
“It doesn’t fit.”
His gaze dropped to the ring. Something like alarm passed through his face.
Jessica understood instantly. “You thought I took it off because of you.”
Alex came closer. “You’ve never taken it off.”
“I’ve also never had hands shaped like dinner rolls.”
He looked at her reflection.
Jessica threaded the ring back onto her necklace.
Alex visibly relaxed. The observation lodged beneath her ribs. She wished she didn't notice everything. She wished he did.
Alex rested his hands on her shoulders. “Four more days.”
“To the ceremony.”
“To the ceremony,” he confirmed. “Then Belmont gets turned over, the award nonsense is done, and I become a human being again.”
Jessica met his eyes in the mirror. “You promise?”
“I promise.” He kissed the crown of her head.
Jessica wanted to believe him so badly that she didn't tell him she had added Natalie as her second emergency contact that afternoon.