Chapter 16-A Child He Cannot Want
The palace celebrated Vinaya's pregnancy as though Krishnagiri itself had been reborn.
Musicians played in the courtyards.
Offerings were made in every temple.
Queen Lakshmidevi ordered sweets distributed to the poor.
King Amarendra smiled more openly than Vinaya had seen since arriving.
Everyone rejoiced.
Except Vikram.
He did not forbid celebration.
That would have been easier to understand.
He simply removed himself from it.
Whenever someone spoke of the baby, his expression closed.
Whenever Lakshmidevi discussed nurseries, physicians or preparations, he found some reason to leave.
And whenever Vinaya entered a room, his eyes dropped—almost involuntarily—to her abdomen.
Then away.
At first, Vinaya tried not to take it personally.
He was frightened.
She understood that.
Priya had died giving birth.
Their son had never lived.
Of course another pregnancy would reopen wounds.
But understanding did not make loneliness easier.
By the fifth month, Vinaya had stopped mentioning the baby to him entirely.
Until one evening when Vikram entered the family sitting room and found her alone by the window.
She was reading.
Or pretending to.
He paused.
"You should not sit so close to the open balcony."
Vinaya looked up.
"Why?"
"The air is cold."
"I am wearing a shawl."
"You could become ill."
Vinaya stared at him.
Months of silence regarding the child, and now he was concerned about a breeze.
"I am fine."
He shifted.
"Mother says you have not been eating enough."
"Your mother worries excessively."
"She worries because you are carrying—"
He stopped.
Vinaya waited.
Vikram looked away.
"My child," she finished softly.
His jaw tightened.
"Our child."
The correction surprised her.
For a moment, something tender almost appeared between them.
Then Vinaya's breath caught.
Her hand flew to her stomach.
Vikram went still.
"What?"
She stared down.
Another flutter.
Stronger this time.
Her face changed.
"Oh."
Vikram took one step closer.
"What happened?"
Vinaya looked up.
"She moved."
Silence.
"She?"
"I don't know. It feels like a she."
Another movement.
Vinaya laughed softly, almost disbelieving.
"She moved again."
Her eyes filled.
For months the child had been an idea.
Now suddenly there was someone inside her.
Someone alive.
Vinaya pressed both hands to her belly.
Across the room, Vikram stared.
His face had gone white.
"Do you want to feel?"
The question slipped out before Vinaya could stop herself.
Vikram looked at her.
Then at her stomach.
For one painful second, she saw longing.
Then fear crushed it.
He stepped back.
"No."
Vinaya's smile disappeared.
Vikram turned away.
And as their child moved beneath her hand for the first time, Vinaya stood alone while her husband watched from across the room as though love itself had become something dangerous.