Chapter Sixteen #2
Dr. Mercer closed the door. “I’ll sit here. You can both speak to me or each other. Theo, remember what we said. You can stop the meeting at any point.”
Theo nodded again.
I stayed standing.
Theo frowned. “You can sit.”
“Do you want me to?”
He looked annoyed. “That’s why I said it.”
I almost smiled.
I sat in the chair across from him.
Not beside him.
Never assuming.
His eyes moved over my face.
“You look bad,” he said.
“I know.”
“I told you not to cry.”
“I’m not.”
“You look like you might.”
“I am trying harder.”
His mouth moved.
Almost.
Then his face shut again.
“Is Serena pregnant?” he asked.
Straight to it.
No warm-up.
No mercy.
“No medical proof says she is,” I said. “The test she used was not hers.”
“So she lied.”
“Yes.”
“About a baby.”
“Yes.”
His jaw tightened.
“That’s sick.”
“Yes.”
“Did you know?”
“No.”
“Did you think maybe it was true?”
I looked down for one second, then back at him.
“Yes.”
He flinched.
I hated myself.
“Why?”
“Because I gave her the chance to make that lie possible.”
His eyes filled with anger. “That’s not an answer.”
“It is the cleanest one.”
“I want the ugly one.”
Dr. Mercer said softly, “Theo.”
“No,” he said. “I want it.”
I took one breath.
“I slept with her more than once,” I said. “And I was careless at least once.”
Theo looked away fast.
His face twisted.
Dr. Mercer leaned forward. “Theo, do you want a pause?”
“No.”
But his voice cracked.
I gripped my knees so I would not move toward him.
“I am sorry,” I said.
He looked back at me. “I told you to stop saying that.”
“You did.”
“You still said it.”
“I did.”
“Why?”
“Because some words are useless and still true.”
He stared at me.
Then he looked down at the box of stones on the table.
He picked up a dark one and rolled it between his fingers.
“Were you happy with us?” he asked.
The question was so soft I almost missed it.
Then it went straight through me.
“Yes,” I said.
“Then why wasn’t happy enough?”
I had no fast answer.
Good.
Fast answers had ruined enough.
“I treated happy like it was something that would stay safe on a shelf,” I said slowly. “Something I could come back to after work, after stress, after ego, after bad choices. I thought because I loved you and your mother, the love would survive my neglect.”
Theo stared at the stone.
“Neglect means ignoring.”
“Yes.”
“You ignored us?”
“Yes.”
He nodded.
Pain moved over his face, but not surprise.
That hurt worse.
“I felt that,” he said.
“I know.”
He looked up sharply.
“Don’t say you know. You weren’t there.”
I swallowed. “You are right. I was not there enough to know.”
He stared at me a long moment.
Then he said, “Better.”
Dr. Mercer wrote something down.
I almost laughed and almost broke.
Theo leaned back against the sofa.
“Mom cried a lot.”
“I know.”
He gave me a look.
I corrected myself.
“I believe you.”
“She cried without sound. That’s worse.”
My throat closed.
“She does that when she doesn’t want someone to hear.”
“I heard anyway.”
“I am sorry you had to.”
“Did you cry?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
The word hit me strangely.
Not cruel.
A child’s justice.
I nodded. “Fair.”
He rolled the stone again. “Are you going to try to make Mom take you back?”
“No.”
His eyes lifted.
I kept my hands still on my knees.
“I want her back,” I said. “But wanting is not the same as trying to force my way into her life.”
Theo studied me like he was looking for a trick.
“What if she likes Caleb?”
My chest tightened.
There it was.
The other man.
The man who waited.
The man whose house felt safe to my son.
I could have lied.
I could have said she did not.
I could have made myself feel bigger by making Caleb small.
Instead, I thought of Madeleine on the terrace, almost falling because of Serena’s lie.
I thought of Caleb catching her.
I breathed through the pain.
“Then she likes Caleb,” I said.
Theo blinked.
“You’re not mad?”
“I am many things. But Caleb helped you and your mother when I was the reason you needed help. I do not get to punish him for standing where I should have stood.”
Theo looked at the stone again.
“He’s nice.”
“I know.”
This time Theo did not correct me.
“He doesn’t act like he owns the room,” he said.
I almost smiled, but it hurt too much.
“No. He doesn’t.”
“You do.”
“I did.”
“You still kind of do.”
“Then I need to stop.”
Theo stared at me. “Can you?”
“I don’t know. But I’m trying in ways that don’t require you or your mother to clap.”
His eyes changed.
That one reached him.
Not fully.
But enough.
He placed the stone back in the box.
“Mom says there will be custody stuff.”
“Yes.”
“She said Audrey will handle it.”
“Yes.”
“Are you going to fight her?”
“No.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I will not fight to punish her. I will not use custody to get near her. I will not make you choose sides. We will make a plan with lawyers and a therapist, and it will be based on what helps you feel safe.”
His mouth twisted. “So I live with Mom?”
“For now, yes.”
“You agree?”
“Yes.”
“Because she told you to?”
“Because it is right.”
He looked down.
“I want to see you,” he said quietly.
My heart went still.
“But not all the time,” he added fast.
“Okay.”
“And not at the penthouse yet.”
“Okay.”
“And not with Grandfather Rourke.”
“Never, unless you ask and your mother agrees.”
He looked relieved.
That told me too much.
I leaned forward slightly. “Theo, did he say something to you?”
His face closed.
“Theo.”
He looked at Dr. Mercer.
She said, “You can answer, or you can wait.”
He waited.
I forced myself not to push.
After a long moment, he said, “He called me this morning.”
My body went cold.
“My father called you?”
Theo nodded.
“How did he get your number?”
“He has always had it.”
Of course.
Stupid.
Obvious.
“What did he say?”
Theo picked up another stone. White this time.
“He said Mom was confused.”
I felt the old rage rise.
I held it behind my teeth.
“He said Caleb was taking advantage of her. He said if I wanted my family fixed, I had to come home and talk sense into her.”
I gripped my knees hard enough to hurt.
“What else?”
Theo’s voice got smaller. “He said the baby thing happened because Mom left you alone too long.”
For a second, I could not see.
White anger covered everything.
Dr. Mercer spoke softly. “Bennett. Breathe.”
I did.
Barely.
Theo watched me.
This mattered.
If I exploded, he would stop telling me things.
So I breathed again.
Then I said, very carefully, “What my father said was cruel and false.”
Theo’s eyes stayed on me.
“Your mother did not cause my affair. Your mother did not cause Serena’s lie. Your mother did not cause any possible baby, real or false. Caleb did not cause this. You did not cause this. I caused the betrayal. Serena caused her lies. Victor is responsible for the cruelty he just gave you.”
Theo’s lip trembled.
“He sounded so sure,” he whispered.
“Cruel people often do.”
He nodded.
Then the tears came.
No sound.
Just tears.
Like his mother.
I stayed in my chair.
Every bone in my body screamed at me to go to him.
But he had said no hug.
So I stayed.
“Theo,” I said, and my voice broke, “I want to hug you. But you told me not to. Do you still want no?”
He covered his face.
For one second, he did not answer.
Then he shook his head.
I moved before the answer could disappear.
I crossed the room and knelt in front of him.
Not beside him.
Not above him.
On my knees.
He leaned forward and grabbed my shoulders with both hands.
Then my son broke against me.
I held him carefully at first.
Then hard, when he held me harder.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered once into his hair.
He did not tell me to stop this time.
He cried like a boy.
Thank God.
Not like a Rourke.
Not like a man.
Like my boy.
Dr. Mercer said nothing.
I did not know how long we stayed like that.
Long enough for my knees to ache.
Good.
Let them.
When Theo finally pulled back, his face was red and wet.
He looked embarrassed.
I handed him a tissue.
He snatched it and wiped his face.
“Don’t tell Mom I cried like that.”
“I won’t.”
Dr. Mercer cleared her throat.
Theo glared at her.
She lifted both hands. “Therapist privilege.”
He nodded like that made sense.
I sat back on my heels.
Theo looked at me.
“You look weird on the floor.”
“I feel weird on the floor.”
“Good.”
“Fair.”
He almost smiled.
Then his face turned serious again.
“Can you tell Grandfather Rourke to leave me alone?”
“Yes.”
“Can you make him?”
“Yes.”
“Promise?”
I stopped.
Promises had become dangerous.
Theo saw me hesitate.
His face fell.
I reached for the right truth.
“I promise I will use everything I have to keep him away from you unless you choose otherwise,” I said. “If he finds ways around me, I will stop him again. That is the promise I can keep.”
Theo studied me.
Then nodded.
“Okay.”
The meeting lasted twenty more minutes.
We talked about school. About phones. About what he wanted from contact. He said he wanted texts, but not every day if I was going to be “weird and emotional.” I agreed.
He said he wanted one dinner next week, neutral place, no press, no penthouse. I agreed.
He said he did not want to talk about Serena unless he asked. I agreed.
He said he wanted me to tell Mom the truth faster than the internet did.
I agreed hardest to that one.
When the meeting ended, Dr. Mercer left first to get Madeleine.
My whole body tightened.
Theo noticed.
“You’re nervous.”
“Yes.”
“She looks pretty today.”
My throat tightened.
“She always does.”
“She also looks tired.”
“I know.”
This time he let the words pass.
The door opened.
Madeleine stood there.
For one second, I forgot how to breathe.
She wore simple dark trousers now and a cream sweater. Her hair was tied back. No makeup except what remained from last night. Her face was pale, but her eyes were clear.
She looked at Theo first.
Always Theo first.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“Ready?”
“In a minute.”
Her eyes moved to me.
Everything inside me went quiet.
“Bennett,” she said.
“Madeleine.”
I stood slowly.
My knees hurt.
She noticed.
Her eyes flicked down, then back up.
Theo said, “Dad got on the floor.”
Madeleine’s mouth parted slightly.
I looked at Theo. “You weren’t supposed to make me sound dramatic.”
“You are dramatic.”
Madeleine almost smiled.
Almost.
It vanished quickly, but I saw it.
I would probably live on that almost smile for a week like a starving man.
“I’m glad you talked,” she said to Theo.
“Me too.”
She looked back at me. “Thank you for respecting the rules.”
The words should not have felt like treasure.
They did.
“I will keep respecting them.”
Her face did not soften.
But it did not close either.
Audrey appeared behind her in the hallway.
“Time.”
Of course.
Theo picked up his hoodie from the sofa.
Before he left, he turned to me.
“Text me when you land.”
My chest tightened. “I will.”
“Not too much.”
“Not too much.”
He walked past Madeleine into the hall.
She stayed one second longer.
I knew better than to move toward her.
So I stayed where I was.
“Serena’s lie,” I said quietly. “I am sorry it reached you like that.”
Her eyes flashed with pain.
“Everything reaches me now.”
“I will try to make sure less does.”
“Try quietly.”
“I will.”
She nodded once.
Then she started to turn away.
“Madeleine.”
She stopped, but did not face me fully.
“My father called Theo.”
She turned back.
“I know,” she said.
Of course she did.
Theo told her everything first.
Good.
“I will stop him,” I said.
Her eyes narrowed. “Do not turn this into a war that makes Theo the battlefield.”
“I won’t.”
“Your father already has.”
The words landed cold.
“Yes,” I said. “And I will not answer him in the same language.”
She looked at me for a long moment.
Then she said, “Good.”
One word.
It should not have mattered.
It did.
She left.
The door closed.
I stood in the small therapy room and let the silence settle over me.
Martin was waiting outside by the car when I stepped out.
“How did it go?” he asked.
I looked toward the door Madeleine and Theo had used.
“I got to hold my son,” I said.
Martin nodded once.
For him, that was emotion.
We drove back toward the airfield.
For the first time since the vow renewal, my chest did not feel completely empty.
Then Martin’s phone rang.
He answered, listened, and his face changed.
“What?” I asked.
He looked at me in the mirror.
“The source of the leak to Victor about the therapy location has been identified.”
“Who?”
“Not Audrey’s team. Not ours.”
“Then who?”
Martin’s jaw tightened.
“The request came through a school administrator at St. Anselm’s. Victor has filed emergency papers claiming Madeleine is isolating Theo from the Rourke family and exposing him to emotional instability in another man’s home.”
My blood went cold.
“On what grounds?”
Martin hesitated.
“Say it.”
“He is asking the court to appoint a temporary guardian over Theo’s trust and education decisions.”
I stared at him.
“Victor filed that?”
“Yes, sir.”
“In his name?”
Martin’s eyes met mine in the mirror.
“No, sir.”
My stomach dropped before he said the rest.
“He filed it in yours.”