Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Callie
“Why am I struggling with this?” I try to attach the mic once again, but it gets stuck on my bra.
“I think it has something to do with you being very off lately.” Lex places the camera on the ground and walks over to me. “Take off the shirt.”
“No dinner first?” I strip off my shirt, leaving me in my bra.
“Well, aren’t you domesticated. No wonder you’ve been cranky. You’re not getting laid in a flesh-colored bra that’s squashing your tits like that.” She snakes the wire and mic through my cleavage, and my back arches from the ice blocks she calls hands.
“Jesus, do you have any circulation?”
She stops what she’s doing. “Do you want my help or not?”
“You threw the first dagger, making fun of my bra.” I haven’t told Lex I’m pregnant, so I can’t tell her that my boobs are so sore I need them to be squashed so my nipples don’t drag across anything.
“It’s just some friendly girl-to-girl advice. Doing my due diligence. I mean, you are with all those Chicago Colts guys all the time. I’d be showing off my assets if I were you.” She gets the wire secure, and with my help putting my shirt back on, we get it into place.
“One of them is my brother, and the others are his good friends.”
She scoffs. “You don’t really abide by the brother’s best-friend rule, do you? I think that goes out the window when your brother is a pro athlete.”
I grew up around Hayes and his baseball buddies, so I’m used to being around athletes. Them being professional athletes makes no difference to me. If anything, it just brings more drama to the situation. I wouldn’t mind a regular guy as long as he has an edge to him.
“Well then, I’ll go buy more appropriate undergarments after we film just for you.” I wink.
“And I’ll expense some hand warmers.”
“Thank you, I’d appreciate warm hands feeling me up next time.”
We both laugh, and she goes back to pick up her camera. We leave my apartment, but as we’re about to go down the stairs, Jerry’s walking up.
“Well, hello, Slummy, how are you this morning?” Lex says.
I knock her with my hand.
“Funny.” He narrows his eyes at Lex. “I was just going up to look at your garbage disposal.”
I stop in the stairwell. Jerry is a good landlord.
He always fixes things when I need him to, and he didn’t raise my rent last year.
But I’m not sure if it’s his swollen belly that hangs over his pants or the fact he wears white T-shirts with matching velvet jogging suits, but Lex isn’t completely off base when she calls him Slummy.
Although I think it’s mostly because he tried to hit on her once and had a hard time accepting the answer no.
“Oh, nothing is wrong with my garbage disposal.”
He glances at Lex and back at me. “Huh, maybe I had the wrong apartment.”
“Do better, Jerry. You only have six to remember.” Lex walks down the steps. “Come on, I don’t have all day.”
“See you, Jerry.” I leave him at the top of the stairs and follow Lex.
“Don’t forget to talk to your brother about those tickets,” Jerry says. “You know my property taxes are going up this year, and I’d hate to raise rent here.”
I sigh, and Lex gives me a look as if to say, what the hell, he’s blackmailing you?
I raise my hand, not turning around. “On it.”
“Get on it faster.” He laughs.
Lex’s face transforms as if she’s going to throw up.
We push through the vestibule and onto the sidewalk.
“He’s so creepy.” She does a full-body shudder.
“He’s just lonely.”
“There’s something about him,” she mumbles, setting up her camera as we walk toward the corner.
I need to find someone who looks interesting and might spare some time to talk with me. We walk down the street as I search for someone who looks as though they’ll give us good content.
I spot a mom with a kid in a stroller, one strapped to her chest, and a fresh iced coffee drink in the cup holder.
“Let’s try her.” I walk toward the woman as Lex sighs behind me.
We usually shy away from the moms. They’re generally doing too much multitasking with too many distractions for us to have a good conversation.
“Excuse me, my name is Callie, and I have a podcast—”
Her eyes widen. “I know who you are.” She stops and glances to my right. “Lex!” She acts as if they’re long-lost best friends. “Oh my god. I can’t believe this is happening to me. Just wait until everyone hears at pickup later.”
Lex shoots me a look like told you it was a bad idea.
“So, is that a yes? May I join you wherever you’re going so that we can have a conversation for the podcast?”
She lets go of the stroller, and it starts to roll away, but she grabs it quickly. “Oh that would’ve been bad.” She sticks out her hand, and I take it. “My name is Amelia. Nice to meet you.”
We move to the edge of the sidewalk, and she puts the baby in the second section of the stroller. It didn’t look that hard. The baby is sleeping, and my stomach tugs at how adorable he is.
“Okay, hook me up.” She holds out her arms.
Lex rolls her eyes. I really need to talk to her about hiding her judgmental expressions.
After Amelia is hooked up, we start walking.
“So, this is a lot.” I wave toward the stroller.
“And I have one at school in first grade too. It’s my life, but I couldn’t love it more.” Her perfectly slicked ponytail swings as she bounces in her running shoes that are paired with a matching jogging suit I’m wondering if she’s ever sweated in.
“Did you always want to be a mother?” I ask.
Lex moves the camera to the side and looks at me. I usually try not to steer my guests in a specific direction with my own questions, at least at the beginning. It’s more about allowing the person to say whatever, however they want. The conversation is always best when it flows organically.
“Who wouldn’t? Children are our greatest gift.” She picks up her drink and sips from her straw.
“I think there’s a case to be made for women who don’t want kids.”
“They might change their minds if they knew what they were missing. Raising children, making them good adults, molding and shaping the next generation… there’s nothing better.”
Her answers are so polite and politically correct—there’s nothing raw here.
Lex moves in front of us as we cross the street.
I rarely have to cut these conversations short because they’re not working, but this is exactly what I hate now that my show has gained popularity—the fact that people know me and what the show is about.
I don’t want manufactured answers. That’s not what my listeners want either.
“Yeah… right.”
We turn a corner as she takes another sip of her drink.
I place my hand on her arm and turn off my mic. I don’t want to waste my time or hers. “Hey.”
She stops, and her smile still doesn’t leave her face. I really can’t tell if it’s fake or not. “Did I do something bad?”
I shake my head. “No, of course not.” I wave Lex over.
“It’s just… you seem to have a great life and love being a mother.
You obviously know my show is called If I’m Honest, which is kind of a confessional about what you don’t want other people to know.
Something you might be keeping to yourself or advice to give others once you’ve gotten through a difficult situation.
It’s awesome that you don’t have either of those.
Admirable, but it just won’t work for the show. I’m sorry.”
She huffs and looks at the stroller. The baby fusses a little, and the toddler kicks his feet as if they sense their mother’s mood shift. “Do you mind if we go to the park? I have to nurse, and he needs to get his energy out?”
“Amelia…”
She raises a hand. “I get it. I do. I actually do have something I want to share.”
Lex raises her shoulders as though it’s my call. I’m not someone who can just turn away when there might be something there, and my intuition said that she was someone I wanted to talk to.
“Sure. You lead the way.”
We walk again, Lex filming in front of us.
“I did always want to be a mother. I’m sure there are women out there who are appalled I didn’t want more for my life.
But I wanted a husband, kids… a family because I never really had one when I was younger.
” Her bubbly personality slowly fades. “God, I’ve told no one this…
my husband obviously, but everyone else… well, I reinvented myself.”
My head tilts to the side. “Why?”
“Because in the world I live in, a deadbeat dad and a mother who needed sex to feel loved isn’t desirable.”
We reach the park, and she undoes the straps on the double stroller for her toddler, allowing him to play on the small swing set while placing a blanket over herself and positioning the baby to feed.
“How did you reinvent yourself?”
“Full disclosure… I went to college to meet a husband, and that meant leaving my life behind and starting new.”
She continues, telling me how she was smart and got into a good school on financial aid, but once she got to campus, she never talked to her mom again and has no idea where her dad is.
She made friends, then borrowed clothes and makeup from them.
When she met her husband her sophomore year, they fell in love.
“That’s the funny part,” she continues, her gaze never leaving her toddler.
I watch her body tense as the toddler approaches the stairs to the small slide.
He pushes off and falls on his butt at the bottom but jumps up and claps. “Mommy!”
“Way to go!” She smiles as the bubbly voice she used earlier returns for a second.
“He’s been trying to gain the courage to do that for weeks.
” She lifts the baby and places him on her shoulder.
“My husband is everything I ever wanted, my end goal. Comes from a wealthy family, prestigious pedigree, great job, he’s handsome…
but underneath that country club exterior is the sweetest person I’ve ever met.
He knows my story and doesn’t judge me. He truly loves me for me and not the superficial girl he met at that frat party. ”
I lean back on the bench. This is why I do this podcast, because I never would have thought this was her story. I was looking for a mom who looked like her life had always been on a perfect path to lend me some wisdom on how I’m to navigate this new path I find myself on.
“So you really did get your happily ever after.” I smile at her.
She laughs. “Believe me, I love my family and my life, but when I was younger and imagined it, there were no bad days. I imagined myself waking up refreshed and me being the patient mom who always explained things calmly to her kids. That’s not what my life is.
But even when it’s crazy and the baby won’t calm down and the other two kids are fighting, or when I’m salty at my husband for coming home late, I would never trade it for anything.
I’m not sure if that’s because I know what it’s like on the other side or if this is just what I was meant to do.
I’m sure some women think I’m a sellout.
That we could hire a nanny, and I could want more for myself.
I feel their judgment sometimes. But in the end, I’m happier than I’ve ever been and isn’t that what life is about… being happy?”
I wipe a tear about to fall from my eyes. “Yes, absolutely. That’s the point of life for sure.”
“And I hope I’m making good humans too.” She glances at her toddler, who is still smiling, and I wonder if it’s because he conquered one of his fears.
“Thank you so much for talking to me.”
“Sorry about being so fake in the beginning. It’s an old habit sometimes, but you really got me to spill my guts, and now when—or if—this airs, people will know my past.”
“I won’t air it if you don’t want me to. Or I could keep you anonymous.”
She shakes her head. “Nah. It’s about time I tell my truth. For my sake and theirs. They need to learn that they’re enough no matter what they endure. Learn to survive and that there’s always something good coming after the bad.”
Lex lowers the camera, and even she is no longer giving me those this was a bad idea eyes.
“Thanks again.” I pull out my card and hand it to Amelia. “Here’s my card, and if you want to give Lex your info, we’ll be in touch when it airs. If you change your mind, just let me know.”
She takes my card and slips it into the pocket of the stroller.
“I won’t. Man, when I woke up this morning, I thought I’d go get a coffee, head to the park, and have my usual day.
I didn’t think I’d be divulging all of this to a complete stranger.
But it feels freeing.” Amelia turns to me as she places the baby back in the stroller.
“What a great job you have. Freeing people from the truth they keep chained down.”
“It only works with courageous people like you.”
We say goodbye to her, and on our way out of the park, neither of us says anything. I think we’re both reflecting on the story we just heard.
But then my phone vibrates.
I pull it out of my pocket and look at the screen. “It’s Jarrah.”
We both stop as I answer and put it on speaker phone. I’ve been waiting for her call for a week.
“Hey, Jarrah.”
“They’re biting…”
My shoulders sink, and Lex’s lips thin. “That’s all?”
“Hey, they’re the biggest streaming platform on the planet, give me a break. They’re willing to commit. They just need one more thing from you…”
My forehead wrinkles. “What is it?”
Lex perks up, staring at the phone.
“They want you to interview five celebrities. They think this everyday people thing won’t work—”
“But—”
“I know, Callie. I told them, but they have a point. After the tour last year, people are more familiar with you, and if you can’t get an authentic story, then what’s the point?
They think you need to up the caliber of your guests.
Intersperse public figures with the general public.
So they want proof you can get five people with a public persona to talk to you, which shouldn’t be a problem. You have an ace in your pocket.”
“Hayes,” Lex whispers.
I nod, already knowing who Jarrah is referring to. It’s been a constant in my life as Hayes’s younger sister—everyone sees a way I can use and abuse him to get what I want.
“Easy peasy. And once you have the five and they hear the conversations, I suspect you’re in. They’ll give you a contract.”
I’m silent because I’m not sure where I can find the people they want.
And unfortunately, I don’t want to put my brother in a situation where his friends and people he knows feel as though they have to do it.
Have to tell the truth to the world and be judged for it.
My guests need to be willing, not strong-armed into it. That’s the only way this works.
And honestly, it would be all athletes. That probably wouldn’t work. But they’re the only kind of connections my brother has.
“I have to go, but this is good news. Now go be that killer I know you are and make us both a lot of money.” She hangs up.
Lex and I look at one another.
I don’t know how, but I have to find a way to make this happen for us.