38. Tanner
TANNER
It’s dark when my eyelids flutter open, the clock on the nightstand indicating it’s just after midnight, my body in the same position I fell asleep in as Deacon’s words lulled me into unconsciousness.
He loves me.
It’s enough to bring tears to my eyes, because he loved me so completely yesterday—comforting me when I was sad, being present with my family, taking care of my body.
My heart.
I felt his love and adoration in each thrust, each stroke—each kiss—the way he somehow made me whole again.
Wetness covers my cheeks as I try to steady my breathing and dry my face without disturbing Deacon.
“What time is it?” he grunts, his breath on my shoulder sending a zing of electricity to my cock, creating some late-night emotional whiplash as I pray my voice doesn’t betray me.
“Midnight.”
I can feel the change in Deacon’s breathing, the soothing rumble of sleep replaced by an alertness that will be all too knowing.
“What’s wrong?”
Sighing, I turn in his arms and drape my leg over his thigh, noting the soreness of my backside as I do.
I like it.
I like the reminder that I’ve given that part of myself to him.
“I love you.”
“You…”
“I love you.”
“I told you that you didn’t need to say it.”
“And I told you I needed a nap.”
Deacon smiles, his paw of a hand clamping down on my hip as he presses a light kiss to my mouth.
“Fair enough.” Pulling back, his hand moves to my face, his thumb wiping away the last few lingering tears. “What’s this then?”
“It’s realizing that I’m allowed to be happy.” Swallowing hard, I add, “That I’m allowed to be me.”
Deacon clears his throat, and even in the dark, I can see the rapid fluttering of his eyelids like he too is trying to stave off the tears.
It’s a night of revelations, no doubt about that.
“I love who you are. I love that you continue to amaze me every single day.”
“I couldn’t have gotten here without you.”
“I’ll be honest,” Deacon muses. “I don’t know how I would have stomached another man’s hands on you.”
Fingertips skate across my shoulder and down my back before his palm splays across my ass cheek.
“You don’t need to worry.”
“I may need some reassurance.”
“And I may need that shower.”
“Both sound good to me.”
DEACON
Butter sizzles in the skillet as I turn the first grilled cheese over and then the second, the bread golden brown and nearly done.
It’s the most perfect kind of night—not just the intimacy but how completely normal this feels as Tanner talks animatedly about what’s happening at Vetted Paws and the plans he and Sorren have for the future.
“Cal brings the boys cross-country team to Vetted Paws a couple of times a week, and they take some of the dogs on their morning run. The kids love it and so do the dogs. It helps them socialize and get exposure. We’ve had a ton of adoptions that way too.”
Tanner smiles as he sits on the stool by the island, subtly shifting every once in a while, no doubt sore after his first time. But I made sure to take care of him in the shower, soaping him up and massaging his scalp before getting us both off in between messy kisses and wandering hands.
His first time.
A rush of emotion slams me in the chest like it does every time I’ve stopped to think about it. When I was younger, sex had meaning but it was still just sex—the emotional ties were far less than they are with Tanner.
Maybe it’s because we’re older, or maybe it’s because he was closeted while married to a woman before me. Either way, I’m a lucky bastard for being able to share this with him.
“I’ve read the articles Arden wrote about it and just for the record, you look sexy as hell in those company polo shirts,” I tell him over my shoulder, a blush creeping up his neck as I wink.
“Sorren makes me do all the press stuff,” he groans as I flip the stove off and plate our sandwiches. “He hates the spotlight, so unless it’s absolutely necessary, that falls on me.”
“But you don’t just do interviews,” I prompt, taking a bite and immediately regretting not letting it cool down as cheese the temperature of lava hits my tongue.
Dammit.
Tanner snickers and shakes his head, twisting off the stool and making his way to the fridge. “Briggs does the same thing.” He smirks, handing me a bottle of water before returning to the island.
“You tired me out. And I figure I have to get you off at least once more before we go back to bed.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“That’s not what you were saying when I was balls deep inside you.”
Tanner’s face flames, the bottle of water in his hand halfway to his mouth as he gapes at me. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
“It’s true,” I reply, lifting one shoulder and letting it drop as I round the counter and stand between his legs. Tilting his face back to look at me, I grip his chin and dip my head until we’re eye to eye. “And I’m real fucking excited to do it again.”
Instead of letting him answer, I take his mouth in a hard kiss, my tongue sweeping languidly against his until he’s whimpering and trying to pull me closer.
“Fine,” Tanner pants, “but less frat boy next time.”
“I’ll make love to you, Sweetheart, if that’s what you want.”
“It’s the words,” he groans. It’s exasperated instead of sexy, but I like that too. I like seein’ him all riled up and turned on even when he’s not quite sure he should be.
“We’ll work on it then.” Pecking another quick kiss to his lips, I return to my now moderately warm sandwich and take a bite. “But for now, eat up because I have a kitchen to remodel in the morning and I need something to think about while I’m ripping out cabinets.”
“Sounds hot.”
“You wanna come watch? I’ve never been into role play, but I think I can make an exception if that’s what you’re into.”
“Not right now,”—he pauses thoughtfully—“but it’s not off the table.”
“Good to know.”
Really good to know.