Chapter 27
twenty-seven
. . .
Sadie
"How do these look? Cooked enough?" I lifted the frying pan so Finn could see them from his stool at the kitchen island.
"Those are perfect. Hate my eggs runny. Don't know how anyone can eat them like that."
The toast popped up. I buttered two slices and set them on the plate next to the eggs and two slices of bacon.
Finn and I had gotten into the habit of getting up early to hang out over breakfast. I knew I was going to have to enter the real world soon and this short stint of fun would end, so I was making the most of it.
I sat with my plate of runny eggs. Finn scrunched up his nose. "Daring woman. What are you up to today?"
"I think we're going to take a trail ride this morning. Then I have an interview at Family Portraits at eleven today. I've got to get back to work."
"Family Portraits," Finn said it as if there was a sour lemon in his mouth.
"Doesn't sound like your kind of job." He already knew me so well.
Sometimes it was hard to line up the man sitting next to me, with his marshmallow mound of white hair and the crinkly lines on his face, with the hard-ass dad who'd raised five boys with an iron fist and, at the same time, with few guardrails.
"It's not but it'll pay the bills. I need tires for my car.
It's safe now, so I'll have to get back to my apartment, get my life back in order.
" I reached over and patted his hand. It was a hand covered with scars and age spots.
I was sure there were countless stories involving those big, thick hands.
I also got the feeling not many people had ever reached over to pat Finnegan Wilde's hand, but I felt entirely comfortable with the man.
"I want to thank you so much for letting me stay here.
My own family—well, I've never felt like I belonged with them. Do you know what I mean?"
His chuckle was aged and raggedy and genuine.
"I know the feeling, sweetheart. I never felt like I fit into this community, or state or planet, for that matter.
When I was a young man, I never pictured myself a parent to five boys.
" His chin moved back and forth in thought.
"I know I made a lot of mistakes with them.
My only model was a man who thought every answer should include a fist or a belt strap.
I just had to look grumpy at the dinner table, and I'd end up with a raw hide and no dinner. "
I squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry you went through that, but I'm also sorry your boys had to go through that."
Finn's mouth turned down. For a second, it seemed he'd gone back in time.
Layers of regret and remorse streaked through his expression.
"Can't take back what's already done. But I fought to keep all my boys.
I wasn't going to give any of 'em up. I might not have shown it in traditional ways, but I love every one of them. "
My chest tightened as I imagined what it was like for the boys growing up with this man.
It must have been so confusing and unstable.
Yet they all managed to make it to adulthood.
Two were even fathers themselves now and good ones, according to Colin.
They'd learned from their dad, too, but unlike Finn, they'd learned not to follow his lead.
"Why not give up the apartment and live here at the ranch?" Finn asked.
"Wow, you just received the golden ticket to the chocolate factory," Nate said as he walked into the kitchen.
He really was stunning to look at, even with morning hair and stubble.
The stubble might have even enhanced his appearance, if that was possible.
"Even his own kids don't get that kind of invite. "
"What do ya mean?" Finn asked gruffly over a bite of bacon. "You're here, aren't ya? Don't see ya out on the street living like a homeless person."
"Wow, someone is getting very sensitive in his old age." Nate looked at me. "And I'm his favorite or so I've been told."
"You're all on my old man shit list. Sadie's my new favorite."
I peered up at Nate over the rim of my coffee cup. "Sorry bout that, buddy. It is what it is."
Finn laughed. "And that's why she's my new favorite."
"Who's your new favorite?" Colin asked. He kissed me and walked straight to the cupboard for a cup.
Nate dropped two slices of bread in the toaster. "Sadie. Dad has decided his actual children are not worthy of the title."
Colin poured a cup. "No big deal. You were always the favorite, so now you know what it feels like to be down the list."
Nate grabbed the bacon out of the refrigerator. "I guess I had the farthest to fall so it hurts the most."
Finn rolled his eyes my direction. "Poor little guy has had his feelings hurt. Do you have time for a game of chess before your ride?"
I glanced over at Colin who was just drinking his coffee. "I've got no urgent plans. Go ahead. The horses are probably still eating breakfast anyway."
The front door opened and shut. Zander walked in wearing work boots and a cap. "Colin, Nate, since you two aren't doing anything, muck the stables. I'm heading to work. They're fed but the poop is piled high so have fun." Zander stopped at the coffeepot and poured a cup.
"Bring the cup back later," Finn called to him on his way out. "He takes all my kitchen supplies and never returns them."
Nate looked perturbed. "I'm no longer the favorite and now I'm a do-nothing who is ordered to shovel horse shit. When did my big bang of a future veer so badly off course?"
"At least you voluntarily took yourself off the fame circuit," Colin said. "You didn't crash and burn."
Finn leaned closer. "Where are our tiny violins?"
I snickered behind my cup. "Technically, you crashed. I didn't see any flames after your fall."
Nate looked at me and then Colin. "I thought you two only just met."
"We did." Colin leaned against the counter with his cup.
He was wearing a white T-shirt that hugged his muscles so nicely, I felt my cheeks warm just looking at him.
"Turns out Sadie was out on the mountain taking photos for the online sports magazine she used to work for.
She was one of the many people standing on the spectator side of the run when I humiliated myself. "
"And you still like the guy?" Finn asked.
"I do. I've always gravitated toward the underdog. I do have one really great shot of you just before the crash. It's a cool picture."
"I'd love to see that," Finn said.
Nate sat with his toast. "Yeah, me too. Did you get a picture of the crash, too?"
I looked sheepishly at Colin and was starting to regret bringing up the photos.
"Go ahead, show 'em the full scope of my humiliation."
"You're sure?" I asked.
Colin nodded. "Yep, go ahead. I wouldn't mind seeing me BC, before crash, back when I was still an award-winning athlete instead of a limping old man."
Finn shrugged. "Nothing wrong with being a limping old man. By the way, Nate, bring me that ice pack from the fridge. I need to ice my knee. I'll be out on my chair setting up the chessboard."
Nate stopped mid bite and sighed. "From rock star to serving boy in a few days. This just keeps getting better."
I got up. "I'll get the ice pack, then I'll go up and get my bag.
I think the snowboarding photos are on my spare digital camera.
" I pulled the bright blue ice pack from the freezer.
Finn used it a lot. He told me it was an old injury, but it wasn't from sport or a fall.
A man who owed him money brought a baseball bat instead of payment, and before Finn could jump out of the way, the man took out his knee cap.
From what Colin told me, it was one of the few times he knew about when someone had gotten the upper hand on his dad.
Usually, his opponents were the ones limping away in pain.
"Here you go." I placed it on his knee. "Anything else?"
Finn smiled up at me. "Think that's all for now, but I'm still waiting for that chess game."
"You're on." I hurried upstairs and dove into the closet for my gear bag. I was going to need the charger too, so I carried the whole thing downstairs.
Nate and Colin were sitting in the family room looking at their phones.
"Oh good, something more entertaining than this toxic social media crap on my phone," Nate said.
"I think that's my biggest beef with being in a band.
Led Zeppelin didn't have to worry about people stealing or slamming or making fun of their music. "
Colin laughed. "Oh yeah, I'm sure they never had to deal with anything like that." He rolled his eyes.
I set my pack down on the ground and rummaged through it for the camera and cord. "I haven't used this camera for a while, so I've got to plug it in. It'll take me a second to find the photos."
"This should be entertaining," Nate said.
Colin hadn't said a word. I looked up, regretting that I'd brought up the stupid pictures in the first place. His face was solid as stone as he stared down at my bag.
"I don't need to do this now. We can look at them another time. I can help with the mucking." I zipped up my bag.
"That neon yellow ribbon," Colin said with an eerie calm in his voice.
I lifted the ribbon and let it drop. "It's been tied there for a few years.
I was on a crew with a lot of photographers, and almost everyone had black bags.
I found an easy fix. Never picked up the wrong bag after that.
" I explained the whole dull thing airily, but there was nothing airy about the air in the room.
Colin's whole body was tense as he continued to stare at the ribbon.
"Shit, Colin, what's your problem?" Nate asked. "We won't look at the pictures if you don't want."
"The yellow ribbon," Colin said, cooly. "You were on the sideline with your equipment."
Everything inside of me felt wobbly. I had no idea what was going on, but I wasn't sitting across from the man who I'd laughed with and made love to for many glorious days.
"You said it was something neon yellow," Finn said grimly.
"The flash of color that yanked your attention away from the slope.
You can't blame Sadie for your attention problem.
That you got from your mom. She never could keep herself focused.
" Finn chuckled again, but this one wasn't genuine. It was forced. And it wasn't helping.
"Seriously, bro," Nate said. "You don't know that's what did it."
Colin stood up. "I've got stables to clean. I don't need any help," he added sharply. He stomped out of the house.
I sat there frozen on the couch with my equipment bag and the stupid yellow ribbon trapped between my feet.
"He'll be fine. Just give him time," Finn said.
"I caused his crash. It's all my fault and then I added insult to injury by getting involved with him. He lost his team, his sponsors, his apartment." My voice was breaking like a dry soda cracker. "I ruined his life." Tears started to fall. "Why am I not the least bit surprised?"
"Now, Sadie," Finn said quietly.
"No, I'm a life ruiner. It's what I do," I sobbed.
"Excuse me." I grabbed my pack and raced upstairs to the bedroom.
I threw the bag across the room and heard the cameras clack together.
I dropped to my knees and cried myself into a major case of hiccups.
This was the ending I'd feared. Well, not exactly.
This wasn't something I could ever have predicted, but I knew this was all too good to be true.
Happiness wasn't my thing. I'd been chasing it my whole life.
I traveled around the world on that quest, but always, in the end, things went south.
This was topnotch heartbreak, like I'd never experienced.
I needed to go. Staying would only prolong the agony.
I hurried around the room and swept up my clothes.
We'd been having wild nights … and days and it seemed every article of clothing I owned was strewn around the room.
I snatched up a white shirt that I realized belonged to Colin.
I lifted it to my face and breathed in deeply.
The scent of his soap lingered on the fabric, just like the sweatshirt.
I had that packed deep in the bag. I'd keep it as a reminder to never fall in love again.
I'd tried it. I'd dipped my toe in that water, but it wasn't for me.
I was better off alone. That was how I'd felt most of my life, trying to be noticed or connect with a family who wouldn't have noticed me if I'd spontaneously burst into flames in the middle of the living room.
I'd brought trouble to them. I was sure Dad would be happy never to see me again, and Ace already told me he was through being the big brother to a spoiled brat.
It was funny. I could be a brat. Of that, I had no doubt.
My teachers would have agreed wholeheartedly, but I never felt like I was spoiled.
I'd all but fended for myself since high school, while my brothers had been given cars, college accounts and down payments on first houses.
I'd finally showed up to stay with my parents because I had literally nowhere else to go, and I felt like an unwanted guest in my own home.
A knock on the door sounded loud and jarring in my tense state. "Sadie, it's me, Finn. I chugged my crappy knees up those stairs to talk to you, so don't turn me away."
I wiped any residual tears from my eyes, but I knew my pink nose and eyes would give me away. I opened the door.
Finn's gaze went right to the backpack in my hand. "You don't need to leave, Sadie. He's just stewing about everything that's happened. You didn't make him crash and lose the title. He managed that all on his own."
"I really should get back to my apartment. I need to shower and get ready for my interview. Thanks again, Finn, for everything."
He ran his thick fingers through his hair.
"Guess I can't convince you to stay then.
Well, take care of yourself, Sadie. It was nice having you here at the ranch.
You did Colin a lot of good. Hardly seen him smile since the accident.
" He paused, realizing he'd brought up a very sore subject again.
"Anyhow, if you're ever in need of a good chess partner—"
I was certain Finnegan Wilde wasn't the hugging type, but I gave him a quick one anyhow. "Tell Colin goodbye for me, and tell him I understand completely." My heart knotted up in my chest as I said it. Only Sadie Rivers could have ended a perfect relationship with such a crummy twist.
Maybe it was time to give up my cameras completely.