Chapter 15
NIK
T he Collective was heavy with the smell of barbecue, the front lawn and wraparound porch were packed with people. There was an enthusiastic game of soccer happening in the backyard, but it looked more like a take on multiple sports all at once. Tristan stood off on the sidelines in his coaching pose, his back straight and arms crossed, his husband Kurt by his side.
Kurt saw me first, poking Tristan in the side with his elbow, then nodding at me. Tristan’s face lit up when he saw me. “Hey, I was wondering when you’d show up.”
“I’m barely late,” I said with a wave. Tristan was big on schedules, and even though today was a tentative time to meet up, I knew he’d be here right as the Sunday potluck started.
Tristan lifted his sunglasses on the top of his head and peered down at his fancy watch. A swift breeze brushed through, pulling tufts of his blond hair over his forehead. “Thirty minutes is pretty significant.”
I knew deep down he was just giving me shit, but I’d be damned if I was going to let him get away with it. “Chance coordinated the meetup time, which means it’s flexible at best. If we go by his standards, I’m on time.”
Kurt laughed, lifting a finger up like he was taking count of a score. Tristan rolled his eyes.
“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be on my?—”
Tristan’s retort got cut off as the cluster of kids rushed past us, Maddie chasing after them, yelling like a rebel. It was impressive how her three-year-old legs could keep up with kids who had a solid two years on her.
When the kids landed on one another in their determined attempt to catch the fleeing ball, Kurt exhaled a sigh that was filled with fondness. “I better go sort things out before our daughter gets crushed in that mess.”
We watched Kurt jog over to the kids, quickly interrupting the game to allow him to take part so he could keep the injury level to a minimum. It didn’t take long until Kurt ended up trapped with the kids surrounding him, and Tristan laughed.
“He’s going to be at that for a minute. So, how’re you doing?” Tristan asked, a linger of worry in his gaze. He was always being the big brother to everyone and upped it a few notches when it was someone he really cared about.
“I’m chill,” I said, happy that I meant it. Even though last night got heavy, waking up with Micah next to me was one of the best ways to wake up. “I did some calls this morning, and one of them ran longer than usual.”
Caleb had crushed his pills and snorted today, which always made him more emotional than usual during our conversations, where he usually ended up talking about wishes that no one but himself could grant. It could get hard to listen to because they hit so close to home.
I really didn’t know what I’d gotten myself into when I started. And I want to get clean. I really do. But I just end up back where I started.
I’d heard that countless times on these calls. From what I’d seen and heard last night, it sounded like there was a possibility that Micah’s sister was in the same place.
“It’s incredible how you can do that weekly,” Tristan said with awe. My neck heated which then spread to my cheeks. Tristan said this all the time, and I never got used to it.
“It’s scary when you have to call the paramedics because you never know if they’re going to make it,” I said, keeping my eyes on Kurt chasing Maddie, her loud giggles helping calm the ache in my chest that threatened to unlock memories I didn’t want to visit. “If I could, I’d save them all, but I can’t. But I can listen and make sure that they get to live a little longer.”
We didn’t talk about the calls when the people didn’t make it. At first those calls haunted me for days, but over time I learned how to work through them in therapy, my support groups, and talking to other operators in the area.
Suddenly, the kids started a new game involving chasing Kurt into a tackle and piling on him. After going down for the third time in a row, he wheezed for help, which had Tristan and me cracking up, lifting the heaviness in the air.
“I better go rescue him,” Tristan said with a long sigh, but the smile on his lips showed nothing but adoration. We fist bumped before he jogged toward Kurt and said over his shoulder, “You better get some food before it disappears.”
The line for food stretched almost all the way around the Collective’s house, with people eagerly waiting their turn. Sundays were always the busiest days here, especially when the days had warmed up after winter. It was nice to be out and say hello to families of the kids I coached at kickball or catch up with other people I knew from a support group.
After I found a seat under the shade at an empty table, Leon had walked over and pointed to an empty chair. “Care if I sit here? I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“Yeah, it’s been a hot minute,” I said after mauling a mouthful of potato salad. “But I always figure you and your guys are always busy coming up with some new genius plan that is going to save the world.”
Leon laced his hands behind his head and grinned. “I’m going to take that as a compliment.”
“Absolutely is. I’m not in the habit of shitting on good people,” I said, going to town on my pork sandwich. “Y’all always have good food here, so that helps too.”
“That’s just luck. We have so many food trucks interested in our events that we can barely keep up.”
“Keep it up. This is lit.” I set down what little I had left of my sandwich and wiped my mouth clean. “No offense, but I know you didn’t just sit down for chitchat. Whatcha need help with?”
Leon ducked his head and rubbed his knuckle against the side of his nose. “Damn, if that’s my reputation, I need to change tactics.”
“Naw, don’t. People need someone to give them an option when they’re too scared to ask for help,” I said, nodding toward the crowd. “So, hit me with it.”
“Remember when you said that we should figure out a way to get trainers to do the Never Alone hotline? Well, we worked it out with the Never Alone organization to create a local team for training. The Collective will host the first training session in a couple of weeks.”
“Hell yeah, man, that’s great,” I said, unable to contain my excitement. “This is huge. Damn, what kind of magic do you work to make all this happen?”
Leon laughed under his breath. “That was all Toryn, not me. He’s the one who gets people on board; I just help facilitate.” I gave him a look like I didn’t quite believe him, but Leon brushed it aside and said, “Which is why I wanted to know if you’d be interested in being a guest speaker. The class is filling up pretty quickly, but I think someone coming in with experience is helpful.”
“Come again?” I said, looking at Leon like he’d lost his head. “You really think I’m good enough for that?”
“Of course I do. I really believe that your story resonates with people.”
Leon spoke so earnestly that I had to look away. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard that over the years, but this wasn’t just me talking to people who were just out of rehab. This would be people who had family or friends, people who felt a calling to help. The idea of handling that on my own was scary as fuck.
“Okay, I’ll do it,” I said, getting up and grabbing my trash.
Leon joined me, his joy radiating off him. “I’ll text you the date and time, and you can let me know if that works.”
We were halfway apart when I stopped and called Leon’s name. “Thanks for giving me a chance.”
“Hey, thanks for taking it,” Leon said, lifting a hand for a wave.
I found Tristan and Kurt off to the side, cleaning up Maddie’s face, which was covered in dirt and barbecue sauce. I looked at Kurt and snorted. “Yo, you look busted as hell.”
“Try getting tackled by ten kids of various sizes and ages and tell me how you’ll fare,” Kurt said under his breath while he redid Maddie’s ponytail.
The rest of the afternoon went by quicker than I’d expected. By the time I got home, I was tired in a good way. I cleaned up and chilled for a bit before heading to bed, knowing that my fuck-thirty phone alarm would ring soon. While I drifted off to sleep, I reached out next to me, wishing Micah was there.