Chapter 23
NIK
“ I f you come in and talk to Duncan, I know he’ll put you back on a probation period,” I said, leaning against my car in Sunrise’s parking lot, holding back my urge to push. Walt had been on the phone with me for the last twenty minutes, and I could tell he wasn’t sober. What he was on I had no fucking idea, but he was definitely messed up.
I was supposed to be on my way to Micah’s already, but I didn’t want to let Walt go when he was like this. No one had heard a peep from him in days, and if I let him go now, we might never hear from him again.
“C’mon, you know that’s not how it works. It’s not how it works ever. You mess up, and then people cut ya off,” Walt said, his gravelly voice rumbling through the line. “I wanted to show I could get better. I wanted to prove to my kids I was worthy to be their father, and—ah, hang on a second.”
Walt started talking to someone, but the conversation was muffled. I poked a finger in my other ear, straining to figure out where the hell he was.
I kept him on the line and listened. The sharp wit of the person I’d grown to respect had dulled. Walt was the kinda dude who had a personality that would take up the entire room, and people loved it. He didn’t have a single gripe with anyone at work, and everyone there had a bone to pick.
“You ever think maybe it’s better to not get clean?” Walt asked, his voice wobbly. “Everything I touch turns to rot. Maybe... maybe this is how it was all meant to be.”
My throat hurt from holding back tears. Every addict felt that way at some point, but I knew from his tone that his words were a red flag. One so bright I knew all it would take was one wrong turn and Walt would be permanently gone.
He continued to talk, but I could barely hear him over the sudden burst of voices in the background. Fuck it, if they got him off the line, at least I tried.
“Hey, why don’t you tell me where you’re at and we can hang out?”
Walt huffed a dark laugh. “Relax. I’m not doing that shit. I just hit up an old dive I used to go to, okay? I won’t do anything stupid.”
I tilted my head up to the sky, the head of the sun baking into my skin. “Are you drinking?”
“Don’t you pull that judgment with me, son,” Walt said with enough bite that I winced. “I could be out on the streets picking up whatever the fuck I wanted. At least I’m not doing that.”
I bit my tongue to stop me from snapping back. The slippery slope back into using always started with bargaining. Drinking was better than pills, which was better than snorting coke, which was better than shooting meth. In the end, it all came out the same in the wash.
“But you’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” I asked. “You’re thinking about going down to the street and scoring. All it takes is one choice.”
The answering silence was enough for me to push forward. “Let’s meet up. We can talk about this more. I can even take you to my support group tomorrow.”
“Sure,” Walt said, his tone detached. I knew immediately that I’d lost him. “Hey, I gotta go, but I’ll call you soon, and we can talk about that more.”
He hung up before I got another word in. A part of me wanted to go and scout every fucking bar Walt ever mentioned in passing, but I knew that doing it wouldn’t amount to anything. All I could do was keep my line open and wait for his call.
I shot a text to Micah letting him know that I was on my way. It was easy to distract myself from my conversation with Walt by driving, humming along to the radio, and keeping an eye on traffic. It made me crave Micah’s presence, and the closer I got to his apartment, the more excited I was to see him.
When I started walking toward his apartment, I knew something was wrong. Micah’s door was cracked open, and a woman was screaming.
“Micah, tell me now where the fuck my shit is or I am going to rip this entire place apart, I swear—” The door was yanked open, revealing a woman who shared Micah’s raven hair and icy blue eyes. There was no mistaking who she was.
To someone else, she may have looked tired, but I could see in the hollow of her cheeks and the deadness in her eyes that she was strung-out.
“Who the fuck are you?” Ada said, turning to Micah and pointing at me. “Who the fuck is this?”
“Nik,” I said, extending my hand. Ada looked at my hand and rolled her eyes, breathing out a curse before disappearing back into the apartment.
Micah heaved an exhausted sigh and covered his eyes. “Sorry, she showed up and was causing a scene outside, so I had to let her in.”
“No need to apologize,” I said, heading into the apartment. Micah’s hand shot out, and he yanked me back. There was alarm in his eyes, like he was scared to let me inside.
“I don’t think you should see this,” he whispered, the fear bubbling in the back of his throat.
I gently pulled his hand off my arm and raised it up to kiss his palm. “You trust me?” Micah pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and nodded. “Then I ain’t going anywhere. Whatever’s inside, there isn’t anything I haven’t seen or done before.”
He allowed me to come in just as something crashed against a wall, and he practically sprinted toward the sound. I looked around and shook my head at the disarray Ada had left in her wake. It wouldn’t do any good to start trying to straighten things up now, so I went into the kitchen to find something to do while I waited out the storm.
“I can’t believe you got rid of my things,” Ada said, sounding on the verge of tears.
“As I’ve said before, I didn’t get rid of your things. I put them in storage,” Micah said with an exhausted sigh that made me wince. I’d heard that same tone out of my own brother, like he knew if he gave me any more rope, he’d only be hangin’ himself.
“Yeah, and you didn’t tell me,” Ada said, anger picking up some gas again, a cue for another blowout about to happen. I opened the cupboard where Micah kept his glasses and pulled out two mugs.
“Ada, how am I supposed to tell you when you leave me on read and turn off your location? Can’t you see I’m not trying to fuck you over? I want to get you help so you can get better.”
“No, what you want is for me to be someone I can’t be anymore. You say you love me, but you don’t. You love a ghost, Micah. That’s what you love.”
“That’s not true, I do love?—”
“You don’t. You think I wake up and want to be like this? You think I want to go work a job I hate and push through my shift so I can get loaded again?” Ada’s voice shook with tears. “It’s not that I want it, Micah. It’s that I can’t stop.”
“You can, Ada, but not by yourself. Please let me help you,” Micah said, his voice insistent.
How many times had I heard that exact line? More than I could count. And the fact that this person who meant so much to me was stuck on the idea that it would be better for Ada if she went to rehab again made my stomach churn.
He really didn’t get it. If he couldn’t see how fucked that logic was with someone who was an active user, how could he understand my own recovery?
The front door slammed hard enough that the mugs shook on the counter. Micah was at the front door ready to bolt after her, but I managed to get in front of him and block him.
“Let me go talk to her,” I said, tilting to the side when Micah tried to get his hand on the knob. “Hey, your sister isn’t gonna listen to a single word you’re saying, feel me? I told you, whatever she’s doing, I’ve either seen or done myself.”
Micah stepped back his hands up in surrender. “Fine. I’ll go clean up the mess she left behind.”
Ada hadn’t gone far. I found her sitting in front of someone’s car, typing furiously on her phone. As I walked closer, she jumped, hiding her phone under her thigh before her eyes narrowed at me. “I swear to god if you don’t go away, I’ll start screaming.”
I stayed where I was and raised a hand. “Hey, I ain’t coming any closer. All I ask is you listen for a sec, and you ain’t ever gotta hear from me again.”
The suspicion in Ada’s voice was heavy when she said, “Fine. You have three minutes before my ride show up.”
“You can go about and do whatever it is you wanna do. But if you’re in a situation you can’t get out of, how many numbers you got to call?”
Ada raised an eyebrow. “What the fuck does it matter to you?”
I squatted so that we were eye level and shrugged. “Consider me curious. But I’d bet good money that your options are slim after Micah.”
At this, Ada turned away, her arms twitching. “You’re wasting your time coming out here trying to lure me in with sugar and lead me to a trap. I know guys like you. You’re a dime a dozen.”
“Naw, I ain’t one of those dudes. I know all the alleys you visit, all the places you wake up at, wondering how you got there. I know the people you hit up when you need a fix and how good it feels when you get it,” I said. Ada’s back stiffened, and I knew I had her attention. “So, when shit gets real, you wanna be able to call me or not?”
“Screw it,” Ada said, with a shrug that looked too sharp for apathy.
I only got a chance to give her my number before a truck on the most obnoxious-ass lifts came barreling in, flashing its brights at us. Ada scrambled upward, jogged to the truck, and got in. It did a sharp U-turn that nearly ripped apart the bumper of another car, tires squealing away.
When I returned to the apartment, there was a small stack of boxes in the living room. Micah stood in the kitchen, his hands braced on the counter, head hanging low.
“Sorry you had to see that,” he said, not looking up. “She’s always been a force of nature, but now she just blows through and leaves destruction behind.”
“I get it.” I looked at the stack of boxes, knowing it was filled with whatever was left of Ada’s things. “She’s not the first to do it and unfortunately won’t be the last. You’re not alone.”
Micah nodded, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. He drank it until it was finished and put it in the sink. When he turned around, he smiled weakly and said, “I know this is shit timing, but my parents invited me to the dinner they’re hosting at their place, and I was hoping maybe you would go with me.”
I froze, not sure what to say. I had no desire to get in the middle of his family drama. I’d seen enough to last me a lifetime. But I absolutely wanted to be there for him no matter what he was facing, so I made myself relax. “Sure. Just tell me when.”