Chapter 27
NIK
S ports camps had already begun at the Collective, and there were kids of all ages running around and having the time of their lives. I was a bit jealous of their energy; I was dragging my ass around for the second day in a row from a night of stressful sleep.
But I came because Ada asked me to be here, and I wasn’t going to leave unless she wanted me to.
I found Duncan standing out the community garden, studying the new crop, as if somehow everything would grow if he willed it. The garden had grown a lot in the last six years. The first year I got clean I spent a lot of time in here, digging around in the dirt. It was like a helpful friend when I needed somewhere to go.
“Morning,” Duncan said, blinking over at me sleepily. He looked like he didn’t get a lot of rest either. “How long did you stay with Walt last night?”
I hung my arms over the fence and stared at the growing sunflowers. “Like, three hours. He complained about how bland the food was between crying about how he fucked everything up. By the time I left, he was asleep.”
Duncan hummed. “His sponsor’s been in touch with me. They’re talking about treatment plans. I told him that when the time comes, we’ll have a spot open for him.”
That was Duncan through and through. He always made space when people needed somewhere to go. He used to run himself into the ground doing that, but he learned over the years that if he didn’t take care of himself first, he’d be unable to be there for the people who needed it. Chance had a lot to do with that, and Duncan was a better boss and mentor because of it.
Micah could learn a thing or two about taking care of himself first.
I missed him. We hadn’t spoken to each other except through a couple awkward text messages. He was juggling a lot with Ada, and I knew he was stressed as fuck, but I still wanted to be there for him.
Duncan nudged me with his elbow. “I’m glad you came.”
“No problem,” I said, rubbing the toe of my shoe into the dirt. “Not entirely sure what I have to offer, but I’ll do my best.”
“I think Ada wanted someone she knew would be in her corner,” Duncan said, tilting his head toward me. “There’s a reason she called you.”
“You know, I’ve done hundreds of calls for Never Alone, and none of them made my blood pressure rise like that. But somewhere in the back of my head, I couldn’t get rid of the image of Micah finding out something bad happened...” I licked my lips, unable to finish.
“I know. Hopefully, she’s ready to make a change,” Duncan said, his voice soft. He nudged my arm and jerked his head toward the back entrance. “C’mon, it’s time to go inside.”
“Right,” I said, blowing out a long breath, and tried to ignore the knot in my throat as I followed him. Ada stood next to two people who must’ve been a part of the coordination team. She fidgeted as they spoke to her, from nerves or withdrawal, I wasn’t sure.
Probably both.
Micah rounded the corner, stood behind Ada, and rested his hand between her shoulders. Seeing him sent a burst of butterflies fluttering in my stomach, and I couldn’t decide what to do. A part of me wanted rush over and pull him in my arms, but I didn’t. This was about Ada.
When Ada saw me, she straightened, her eyes widened with surprise, likely because she didn’t expect me to show. She didn’t know that I’d been lucky enough that people were there for me when I was stuck in the hospital after I nearly died, so if Ada needed a friend, I could be that for her.
The coordinators and Micah looked to us, and we exchanged the usual polite introductions before they went on about what the meeting would be about. Micah didn’t talk, but he kept looking at me, his shoulders stiff, his mouth pulled tight.
He looked dead tired too, like he’d been up all night. Knowing him, he probably had been, worried he’d wake up in the morning and find his sister gone.
Eventually he looked away, then interrupted the conversation by asking in a firm tone, “Can we get started?”
The coordinators were used to dealing with family members who’d reached the ends of their ropes, so they complied, leading us to a meeting room upstairs. It was a bit of a tight fit for six people, but we managed to make it work. After the coordinators went through the usual rigmarole, they began to ask personal questions to Ada—how long had she been using? What was her drug of choice? How long had it been since she last used, and what was it?
Ada answered them numbly, staring a hole into the table. This part of the whole process was the fucking worst, and no matter how many times someone went through them, it was absolute hell.
“Why don’t we take a break?” Duncan said after the first set of questions. “There’s some snacks and drinks in the kitchen if y’all are interested.”
In the hallway, one of the coordinators said they were going to step outside for a smoke. Duncan ended up in a conversation with the other coordinator about the new hires at Sunrise.
I stood off to the side trying to be out of everyone’s way. Ada asked about where to find a bathroom and took two steps toward it before spinning around and saying to Micah, “Go for a walk. If we start the meeting again, I’ll let them know you’ll be back.”
Micah looked stupid enough to protest. Sensing Ada’s anxiety, I jumped in. “They ain’t gonna send her to detox without you getting to tell her goodbye, I promise.”
“Fine,” Micah said, walking past me and down the stairs without another word.
Ada wiped her nose, avoiding looking at me. “He won’t believe me, but I’m so tired of living like this. It’s all-consuming. It ruins everything. And you know what else it is?”
I hummed in question, and Ada looked up at me, her icy blue eyes blurred with tears. “Boring.”
“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean,” I said, rubbing my knuckles over my scarred veins. I jerked my head toward the direction Micah went. “I’ll go with him.”
Ada nodded, lifting her shaky hand up to her lips. “I hate how much I hurt him. He thinks I don’t notice or care, but I do.”
“I know,” I whispered.
She wiped her eyes and rolled her shoulders before turning and heading toward the bathroom.
Micah was sitting on the front porch steps, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped between his legs, watching a group of kids do drills for one of the football camps.
I leaned against the column on the opposite side and crossed my arms. “She’s worried about you.”
Micah huffed. “That’s a first.” He flipped his hair out of his eyes and adjusted until his back sat against the stairwell. “If you think she’s going into rehab after detox, you’re delusional.”
The bite in his voice stung, and I gritted my teeth to stop myself from wincing. “Maybe. Maybe not.”
I didn’t recognize the toneless chuckle that came out of Micah. It was dark and cold, nothing like the light and warmth he always brought to me. “Which is it, huh? I say I want to help her, and you basically tell me I’m doing it wrong. Now you’re standing there acting like Ada may get clean. I’m trying to pick which way to turn, and you keep running me in circles.”
“Bro, all you’ve been doing is trying to turn back time,” I said, unable to hold back my frustration. “You’ve been shoving your head in the goddamn dirt refusing to believe the person in there is your sister. Well, guess what? She is, and she needs you. I can’t tell you what will happen tomorrow, but I can tell you I’ve been on calls way worse than the one I had with her, and you’re fortunate as hell I didn’t have to tell you what morgue her body was at.”
The front door opened, and Duncan poked his head out. “Hey, Micah, the meeting’s starting back up again, and Ada’s asking for you.”
Micah nodded, pulling himself up. Duncan looked at me and raised an eyebrow in question, clearly asking me if I was coming. I shook my head and said, “I’ma hang here until y’all are finished.”
Duncan didn’t push, which was a holy blessing. He stepped back and left the door open for Micah, leaving us alone. I watched as Micah walked up the steps and inside the house, wondering if he would look back at me, but he didn’t.
The meeting continued for another hour, and I kept an eye out for everyone while I sat at the table under the tree, away from all the summer camps going on. Someone had come up with the brilliant idea of renting two bounce houses, and the kids were jamming like it was New Year’s Eve.
When Duncan came outside with the coordinators, I headed to them and asked, “Everything okay?”
Duncan nodded and poked his tongue against his lip ring. “It went well. She’ll be out in a minute, and we’ll take her to detox.”
Ada came out the front door with her eyes red-rimmed and her cheeks flushed from crying. Micah came out after her looking very much the same. They hugged before they joined the rest of us, and Ada said, “Okay, I’m ready.”
We watched her walk away with the coordinators. Duncan’s gaze darted between me and Micah. Then he nudged my arm and said, “I’m going home to take a nap. Call me later, and we can get dinner. Micah, you got our numbers, so call if you have any questions.”
Micah came down the steps, his hands in his pockets. He waited until Duncan was a healthy distance away before he spoke. “She didn’t want me to go with her,” he said, almost like he was talking to himself. “Said she didn’t want me to watch her walk into places strung-out, that she wanted me to see her walk out of them clean.”
“That’s probably for the best.”
“Probably,” Micah said, his voice wobbly. He blinked several times and sniffled as a tear rolled down his cheek. “I need to get a few things squared away for Ada while she’s in detox, and I gotta make up for work because I had to call out.”
“For sure,” I said, rubbing my arms so I could resist reaching out and brushing his tears away. I wanted to crawl under the blankets with him and hold him while he slept so that when he woke up tomorrow, he wouldn’t have to do it alone. “Do you want me to go with you?”
“I’ll be okay,” Micah said. It wasn’t a real answer, just something in between, and it felt far worse than a flat-out rejection. “All right, I’m gonna go, or else I’m going to fall asleep in my car. I’ll see you.”
I hummed in agreement, my throat too tight to speak. I didn’t know what this meant for us, but he didn’t tell me to get fucked, so that was something. I had to focus every ounce of energy I had to keep myself standing until he walked away.
Before he did, Micah leaned in and brushed a kiss to my cheek. “Thank you,” he whispered.
I closed my eyes at the tickle of his stubble against my skin. When I opened them again, he was gone.