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Hey gals,
Welcome back to the U.S. (at least for a couple of days)!
I know you’re still processing what I shared about Ava.
Thank you for sitting with my truth, for holding space for me and my twin.
Now you understand why I’ve always been so desperate not to be forgotten.
I don’t want what happened to Ava to happen to me.
My dear sister could only live in my memory since my parents avoided any talk about her.
But now that I’m gone with the knowledge that I’ll live on through your memories, I can rest knowing that Ava will, too.
You both must be completely exhausted by now.
I could apologize for making you traipse all over rather than being strategic about destinations, but—and you knew this was coming—I have my reasons.
Looking back now, I have an appreciation for what each destination gave us.
Maybe I’m forcing meaning on events that just were, but I can’t help marveling at how the universe gives us what we need at the perfect moment.
I loved every one of our trips, but Aspen holds a special place in my heart.
It was the last trip we took before I got sick again.
I felt like the world was ours for the taking.
Anna was doing well with her new business, Holly was making her mark at the school, and I was about to start writing my memoir on survivor’s guilt.
Aspen was the one trip we took that wasn’t planned to perfection. I admit, I had my reservations. Who could have imagined that three control nuts would embrace a control-free trip? But we did, Holly included! And Aspen ended up being our best.
My favorite memory was the night we had dinner at the Sundeck restaurant on Aspen Mountain.
I don’t know if the food was particularly amazing because we’d hiked up and were starving and would have eaten an entire cow, but it was delicious.
Then running to catch the last gondola back down!
Anna had to sweet-talk our way out of riding with that family and their three overtired littles.
(Seriously, what parent keeps their kids up that late?
!) But the best part of that day was that nothing had been planned.
So, here’s my request for this leg of the trip: let go and find a spark of joy like we shared that first time.
Put aside everything that’s happened until now and shelve any apprehension about what’s still ahead.
There is no second letter for this trip because I want you to embrace the moment.
You’ll find the right place to release my ashes. I have all the faith in both of you.
Don’t forget me! Or Ava! Thank you for carrying us both with you.
xo,
Z.