Chapter 24
ANNA
I watch Holly walk away, shocked she’s leaving me alone with Leo after fussing the other night about my behavior with Brody. But I’m grateful, and even a little relieved, for a chance to be alone with Leo.
I’ve always respected Holly, but this gesture reminds me why. Of the three of us, she was the most in tune with our emotions, and before our obvious rift, she was also the most supportive and understanding of our feelings. She knew when we needed her, and when to give us space. Like now.
Her leaving us alone feels like the permission I didn’t know I was waiting for.
For once, she’s not trying to control the situation or judge my choices.
Maybe she sees what I’ve been trying so hard to hide.
Leo isn’t just another flirtation for me.
What I feel for him is real, and it’s terrifying. I need Leo as much as he needs me.
As I turn back to Leo, my eyes filled with wonder over Holly and my chest bursting with sympathy for this man—my friend—Leo’s gaze snaps to mine.
“How’s it going with you two?” His head tilts with a little quirk of his brow in the direction Holly went.
He scoots forward in his seat, leaning his forearms on his thighs, which brings his face near mine.
Our knees touch. I can smell the caramel notes of bourbon on his breath and the woody scent of cedar from his aftershave.
Longing fills me. Not just the usual flutter I get around attractive men.
This is different. This is the ache of wanting something more, something deeper. Like what Holly has with Jack.
The other night I heard them on speakerphone again.
She’d called him while I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed.
I lingered, leaning against the door so I wouldn’t interrupt.
But the tenderness in their voices pulled at me.
I want that. I want that with Leo. I’ve wanted this for so long, I’ve just been too scared to admit it.
Too scared to fail at it like my parents failed at being present for me.
Too scared to risk the chance of him leaving me, too.
“We’re better,” I answer his question about Holly and me, marveling at how much he’s like his sister, putting my worries before his own. But if he thinks I’m going to let him brush aside his own feelings, he’s got another think coming. He needs to talk about Ava. “Leo, about—”
“Tell me about your trip,” he interrupts.
“Leo.”
“Please.”
I give in. Maybe this isn’t the time or place for him to expose his heart about anyone: Zoe, Ava, or me.
“We’ve reached a truce,” I say with a we’ll-see-how-it-goes smile.
“I don’t know if Holly’s been so agreeable lately just so we can get through this trip, or if she genuinely wants things to work between us.
Something shifted in Bozeman. I’m doing my best not to annoy her, and she’s trying hard to let go of her stranglehold on control. ”
“Uh-oh.” He flashes a smile and takes my hands in his. “Looks like I’ll be taking you to dinner.”
There’s a jolt of excitement in my chest at the reminder of our bet at the start of this trip.
He didn’t think Holly would last until the end, that she wouldn’t be able to see past what happened in Greece and would bail before we reached Mexico for Zoe’s memorial, leaving me to finish scattering Zoe’s ashes, and treating Leo to dinner at Nobu.
I had a little more confidence in her, and still do.
And in the process, I prove to myself and Zoe’s parents that we—I—were worthy of Zoe’s trust. Bonus, a romantic meal with Leo, which I want to be real.
Not a bet or a joke between friends. But an actual date that’s planned, intentional, and meaningful.
I’m looking down at our hands, mine slender inside his larger ones, and I watch as well as feel him give my fingers a gentle squeeze.
“What’re you thinking?” he asks.
I shake my head as all the emotions over the last eight days come to a head. “Nothing, I’m just tired.” I smile and Leo notices it doesn’t quite reach my eyes.
“Nice try, but I know you better than that. Something’s bothering you.”
My expression is pained, but I’m also relieved he’s picking up on my mood and I don’t have to spell it out for him. Is this how Holly feels whenever she talks to Jack? Someone who understands her on a whole different level?
“We fly to Greece the day after tomorrow,” I say, electing to veer away from the topic of him and me, and what I’m only just beginning to acknowledge.
Beginning to? Who am I kidding? I’m in love with Leo. I’ve been in love with Leo for a long time.
During Zoe’s treatment, while Leo and I supported his sister in tandem, I was slowly falling for her brother. Every hospital visit. Every late-night text checking on Zoe that turned into hours of conversation with him, I was falling.
But I need to talk to Holly first. Yes, it was ages ago when she was crushing on Leo, and yes, she’s happily married now. But Leo is Zoe’s brother. And I don’t want to do anything that could risk the flimsy hold on our friendship.
Fearing my face is a bright marquee sign displaying my thoughts about Holly and feelings for Leo like a double feature, I avoid making eye contact.
“I’m worried what’ll happen when we get there,” I add.
“That we’ll—” I pull my hands from his and flare my fingers alongside my head, miming an explosion.
Our truce is tenuous at best, more fragile than the glass stemware within reach on the table beside us.
“I’ve been reading your posts. That last one with you and Holly in Paris?
What I saw in that picture were two best friends having a special moment.
I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit.
You’re both older. You’ve been through hell and back, and I know you, Anna.
You go to battle for the people you love.
You’re the fiercest, kindest, most loyal friend anyone could have.
I also don’t need to remind you how alluring you are.
” His mouth quirks and I don’t miss the slight ruddiness to his cheeks under the soft patio lamplight when he says it.
There isn’t even a hint of teasing in his tone, and I feel a gentle flicker in my belly.
Alluring? He could have said hot, sexy, fun.
Words men usually use to describe me. But alluring?
That isn’t a word Leo would hand out lightly. It means something to him.
“You’re not going to let Holly leave this trip before you’re best friends again,” he is saying. “She’d be nuts not to forgive you, if she hasn’t already.”
“I hope you’re right,” I say, gnawing on my bottom lip. “Your dad didn’t have much faith in us. Me especially. Holly’s been reporting in to him about our progress.”
“Screw them both,” Leo says, and I hang my head, wishing I had his confidence.
“Hey.” He gently nudges up my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. “It’ll all work out. Say it with me,” he orders with a mock frown that pulls a laugh out of me.
“It’ll all work out,” I say, and repeat it again with him with more conviction, surprising myself when I feel better, even hopeful about Holly. We’re going to make it through Greece, I say to myself and grasp his knee. “Thank you. I needed that.”
“My pleasure.” He picks up my hand and rubs my palm between his, not letting go when the waiter returns asking if we’d like to order dinner.
We do, and when our meals arrive, we eat companionably while I share the highlights of Zoe’s quest. Our conversation veers to our jobs, as it always does when we meet up, then turns to Zoe, and back to Ava, which pleases me that he’s talking about them.
We eventually reach the point where I’m yawning in the middle of my sentences, and I can barely keep my eyes open.
Leo puts the bill on his room tab and asks if Holly and I are sharing a room.
I nod, collecting the keycard in the envelope with our room number she left for me on the table.
“I’ll walk you up.” Leo stands, offering his hand.
He threads his fingers with mine as we make our way to the elevator, and it feels so natural, so right, to hold hands on the ride up.
But when we reach my room, he stops. He doesn’t look at me, but over my shoulder at the door, his face forlorn.
Then he blinks and turns to me with a smile, his face more of a mask now than it was a moment ago.
I feel him moving away before he actually starts walking, as if he’s stuffing the vulnerable side that he showed us tonight back into a box.
Before he lets go of my hand, before he has a chance to pretend that he’s cool in hopes I won’t worry about him, I tug his hand until my chest is against his and his arms automatically wrap around me.
Cheek against him, my head tucks under his chin, my arms fold around his shoulders, and I hold him.
And he holds me, his arms bone-crushing around my ribs.
And we stand there, alone in the hallway, rocking side to side.
This is what I want, need. I want this, standing in a hallway holding the person that matters to me.
Being held like I matter. A knowing without words and being known completely.
After a few moments, his arms slide away and I step back, our eyes hanging onto each other.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He nods. “I will be.”
I pluck a piece of lint from his lapel and smooth my hand down his shirt, grateful he didn’t brush off his feelings.
“Tomorrow?” I want to know if we’ll see him in the morning.
He shakes his head. “I’m on the first flight out.”
“Mexico, then.”
“Six more days,” he says with a mischievous smile that’s all Leo.
Six more days to make things right with Holly.
And maybe, just maybe, six more days until I find the courage to be honest with Leo about what I want with him.
His hands find their way into his pockets and he’s backing up toward the elevator. “Sleep well, Anna,” he says with a wink.
I will as long as Holly doesn’t snore.
“Good night, Leo.” I blow him a kiss and retreat into the room.
The kiss is playful, typical me. But my hands are shaking as I close the door.
I lean against it, heart pounding, not wanting to wake Holly.
Which is good. I’m glad she’s asleep because I don’t know how to explain that everything I’ve said about not wanting to settle down has been a lie.
And I know she’ll see right through whatever old truth I try to wrap my real feelings with.
Because she’s Holly. And she’ll immediately know what I’m only now starting to understand.
What I’m finally ready to admit, even to myself.
Leo and I belong together.