Chapter 38 A Birthday Surprise #2
“Well … my friend Charlotte and I would sometimes make one of our guards dress like a commoner so we could visit the lower city in the capital. We would spend the day pretending to be normal. Charlotte and I would talk for hours and,” She paused dramatically.
“we would giggle at the novelty of being able to order what we liked and eat ourselves sick. We would sip horrible wine in taverns, grin like fiends, and people-watch. And we would … slouch!” She chuckled.
“You naughty girl,” Caspian said. “Slouching and without a proper escort in a place you shouldn’t be. Drinking ale and playing cards with hookers, no doubt.”
She snorted loudly and swiftly clapped her hands over her mouth in horror.
A deep, booming laugh sounded in the air, and she gaped at the demon. Caspian was laughing, grinning from ear to ear.
She had never heard him laugh before.
The servants cleared their plates and set the most decadent-looking dessert in front of them. It was a dream of confectionery with swirled frosting of pale yellow. She took a bite.
“Lemon cake!” she exclaimed.
“A little birdie told me it was your favourite.”
“It is, thank you for remembering! It’s wonderful.”
He looked pleased, watching her eat.
“You must try a bite!”
He shook his head. “I don’t like sweets.”
She speared a piece and offered it to him.
“Be serious. Refusing dessert is the most un-evil thing you have ever done. The devil himself refusing to be tempted to sin?” she taunted.
He grinned and took the cake off the fork. He chewed, somehow making the process of eating cake look vaguely obscene.
She tucked into her slice of cake, and they passed into silence as she finished her plate. He stared at her the whole while, as if her enjoyment of the meal he had provided for her was the sweetest play he had ever watched.
“Shall we, Lady Ashcroft?” He stood and offered her his arm.
“Indeed, we shall, Caspian.”
He led her to the dance floor, and she was vaguely aware of a servant clearing the chairs and table from the floor behind them.
He bowed to her, gallant and handsome, and held out his hand.
Her face hurt from smiling so much, and she went to him. His hand was warm as he led her through the steps with expert ease—his feet sure-footed, his hips loose. He moved confidently to the beat of the lively tune. He spun her about the floor in a wide circle, her skirts and petticoats flaring out.
She knew this tune; it was a popular dance at balls. She was surprised he knew the steps.
“Dancing? A skill I didn’t think you would have.”
He spun her about the floor, choosing not to answer.
She would have never guessed in a million years that the devil could dance, and properly, too. His hips moved to the beat, and he had no issues stepping in time to the music. “Did you take dancing lessons for tonight?”
“I learned a lifetime ago,” he said, quietly. “Most noblemen can dance. It was a skillset I lacked, and one I wanted to have, even though it’s a fairly useless one.”
“But you hate balls. You must have had to pay the musicians handsomely, and you would have had to tune the piano before they arrived. What is all of this?”
“I wanted you to experience something like this in Arboras—with me.” He looked over her shoulder as he spoke, his gaze hardening.
“So ... you threw us a ball?” she pressed, curiosity getting the better of her.
“This is not a ball. You know I do not care for balls.”
“It looks remarkably like a ball,” she said drily, with a nod at the musicians.
“It is not. It is a … party just for you and me. The rest of the world can burn for all I care. There is only this that matters.” He pulled her hand to his lips, pausing for a moment, and then twirled her away.
Several turns and lines of steps later, she came to face him once again, his hand settled on her waist. Her hand rested on his neck, and she held another behind his back. He dipped her low, and she rose, bringing the two of them nearly nose to nose.
Not for the first time, she wondered what his angle was tonight, what reason he could possibly have for throwing her a private ball for her birthday.
She circled him. “But it is rather like a ball, the music, the dancing, a charming man leading me through the steps. You must admit.”
“I admit nothing. You wanted a ball. I despise practically everyone in the kingdom and have no desire to invite others into my home. This is a happy middle ground and a fun evening for you and me. So, we both get what we want.”
“And what did you want?” she teased, leaning in.
He remained silent for so long she thought he had forgotten the question entirely.
Finally, he spoke, “I wanted … to make you feel special, and make you feel like the high-born lady you are. I wanted to stand here, as if I were a born nobleman and you were a fine lady who descended the grand staircase with eyes only for me. That is what I wanted.”
The words should have melted her defenses, but instead, Elizabeth felt her walls slamming back into place.
How many women had he said similar things to?
How many had fallen for this exact performance?
She forced her expression to remain pleasant even as her heart began to ice over.
“That’s ... thoughtful of you,” she managed, her voice carefully neutral.
“Out of curiosity, when did you arrive at the ball where we met?”
“I was there the entire time. I saw you descend with a pretty little smile and giggle with your friends at court. I watched you hungrily. The gem of the Rhodean nobility. In this dress, you look like a princess.”
She laughed. “I am not a princess, though. I’m just a lady.”
“You may not be a princess … but you can be my queen for tonight.”
She snorted. “Is that a serious offer?” she quipped. “What happened to ‘if I want to be someone’s wife, I should marry Duke Howard’? Hmm?”
“He would have never made you happy,” Caspian said seriously.
“And you would?” she teased, but beneath her court mask, she was growing irritated.
“I have given you everything you have ever asked for,” he said as he twirled her.
She came back to face him and placed a hand on his chest as they moved to the next steps of the dance. “But I have asked you for nothing.”
He strode past her and walked in a circle, then came face to face with her again. “Then you cannot blame me for not giving you more things or blame me for your stubborn self-sufficiency.”
Stubborn.
“Better to be stubborn and self-sufficient than have my life subject to the whims of those around me,” she snapped. The sharp reply left her lips before she had time to think.
“There she is.”
“Who?”
He smiled. “The Elizabeth Ashcroft that no one else gets to see.”
“I have nothing to say to that,” she said, feeling affronted.
She glanced at his eyes and was surprised to see they were green again. She didn’t know what it meant when they were green. She looked at them, wondering again what caused his eyes to change colour around her, or if it was some kind of spell.
The music slowed to a romantic song written for lovers. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, and their feet drifted to the music.
She fought to keep herself tense, but as they continued to turn to the music, she relaxed and melted into his arms. His body was warm and comfortable against her.
After a time, he spoke again. “I would try more, you know. To make you happy if there is something in particular that you wanted.”
“And what if I don’t know what I want?” she said, looking up at him, half joking.
“I don’t know what I want either,” he admitted. “I don’t know if I want one woman, or to chase a hundred, or to spend all my days alone. All I know is that this … this I like.” His hand on her waist tightened, his grip possessive.
“Honesty becomes you,” she said tartly.
He grimaced. “Your virtues have been rubbing off on me. Soon, I’ll be nothing but a preachy, good-for-nothing angel.”
They swayed, with her head coming to rest on his shoulder. He laced his fingers through hers and held her hand while they drifted on the ballroom floor. She didn’t think it was fair of him to hold her so tenderly, not after he had just called her stubborn.
“You only want me because I haven’t given you my heart yet,” she cautioned. “I almost like the distance between us. The secrets we keep. Because if we go too far down this road, I fear it will end poorly.” The closest to honesty she had come.
“No, I want you because I have glimpsed your soul, and it has intrigued me beyond all reckoning.”
“You’re a lousy liar,” she said softly.
He brought her head to rest against his shoulder and held her with a tenderness that cracked her heart.
They swayed on the spot, and he was quiet for a long moment.
“I think often of the day that demon came to steal you from my lands. He wasn’t my friend, but he was a demon I knew and respected, and now I’m happy he’s dead.
I don’t know what I want, but I feel that if I lost you, I would not be the same. ”
Elizabeth said nothing; she didn’t want to poke holes in his logic. She felt herself emotionally distancing, not wanting to say how little she believed him. He didn’t know her at all, and frankly, she was angry he thought he did.
Elizabeth created walls in her mind, securing them against infiltration and attack, waiting for him to strike, waiting for some small sign he was just saying this to try and mess with her head, but no assault on her mind came.
She brooded as they danced, her thoughts occupied. It was all lovely to hear, but his words meant nothing.
His eyes searched hers, looking for some answer buried there.
“I just told you I want to keep you safe, always, and you are always on my mind. And that sharp tongue had nothing to say. Tell me why I feel like I am losing you,” he said, pausing. “Every time I feel like we connect, our minds and bodies and souls, I feel you slip further away.”
She was silent for a long moment.
Deciding on bluntness, she said, “I found out you change my thoughts to make it more pleasurable when you feed from me.”
He looked at her in surprise. “Did you not want me to?” He paused, hesitating. “I would never want to hurt you.”
“I would have liked to choose.”
“I did not consider that.” After a split second of consideration, he chuckled. “That is an easy remedy. Is that all?”
He looked relieved, as if some answer had finally clicked into place. She hated that he thought his transgression was so easy to fix. No apology in sight for changing her feelings and mind without her consent.
She searched his face and saw he would never apologize.
“Thank you,” was all she was able to say. She struggled to keep her words polite.
They danced for several songs, until the night turned dark and the stars winked into existence outside.
The musicians seemed to sense the shift in the room and continued to serenade them with slow music. She held her head against his chest, and they drifted in silence.
He held a hand to her cheek, hesitating, and tilted her chin up to meet him. Giving her the option, letting her choose what she wanted to do.
She kissed him once, softly, quickly, and then pulled back.
“Thank you for the evening. It was wonderful,” she said, as she felt her walls go up. She took a step away from him.
“Would you like to take a turn about the courtyard?”
She nodded, and to her surprise, he took her hand.
His hand was warm and sure in hers as he led her through the castle. Elizabeth looked down curiously and saw he was still holding her hand as they walked through the courtyard gardens. The fountains burbled softly, and soft music from the ballroom filled the air.
Caspian stopped and turned towards her, his face illuminated with moonlight. “It’s a beautiful night.”
“It is,” she said quietly.
It was the perfect moment. The whole evening had been perfect. Well thought out, romantic, designed to make her fall to her knees.
“If I get to choose, then I choose that we don’t do that tonight,” she murmured.
It’s a shame she’s not more clever, or I might have been genuinely interested.
His thoughts that she had overheard played in her mind over and over. How dare he think her simple and uninteresting, then have the arrogance to say he knew her well.
“I am confused.”
“Why are you confused?”
“Elizabeth, we have already slept together. We’ve shared each other many times now, and I have done nothing wrong that I can see. You have no secrets left from me. I must ask, why the change?”
“If we have no secrets left between us, then why do you still pursue me as if you are unsure of what my response will be?”
“You have a silver tongue. But the point remains, we have shared each other many times. I’ll ask again, what changed? What is different tonight?” he asked with what might have been genuine concern in his eyes.
“You’ve done nothing wrong. I am just not interested tonight,” she said, her voice tired.
He sniffed and gave her a pointed look.
She flushed. They had danced together for hours, their warm bodies rubbing against each other. An evening of sweet nothings was whispered in her ear. She refused to be blamed for her body’s response to his affections.
Her mind did not want to sleep with him tonight, and that was all that mattered. So, she rolled her eyes, lifted her chin, and walked away.
She felt a hand wrap around the back of her neck.
Frightened, she panicked, and her fingers scrabbled at his hand.