Chapter 42 #2
According to legend, the Underworld was made up of Seven Peaceful Realms and Seven Hells.
The Peaceful Realm’s first circle was reserved for the bravest and most selfless souls, heroes among men, with few ever making it there.
The sixth and seventh circles of the Peaceful Realms, and the seventh circle of Hell were where most of the population would end up, as most humanity was mostly good, but flawed.
The first circle of the Seven Hells was described as fiery pits of doom and was supposedly where the worst villains of the world would end up—murderers, traitors, and those whose souls were black, tarnished beyond redemption. At least, that’s what she was told when she was a child.
She had not considered that having a demon as a lover would impact her ability to get into the Peaceful Realms. Being young and healthy most of her life, judgement day was an abstract thought, not anything to worry about in the near future.
She had always assumed that if she were a good person, she would be granted entry without question.
A chill worked its way up her spine at the thought that she could live for eternity in the Seven Hells because of her time with Caspian.
“Thank you, Ambriel. You have always been so kind to me and have my best interests at heart. May I think about what you’ve said?”
“Of course, but I must remind you: The fate of the world may rest on you finding the lost amulet and learning how to destroy the portals, Elizabeth. There is nothing that could be more important.”
***
That evening, she cuddled up to Caspian, and he stroked her hair after a night of gentle lovemaking. He had held her during it with tenderness that soothed her heart. Even afterwards, he held her to his chest like she was something precious.
She nestled further into his embrace and splayed her fingers across his chest.
Was she really damning her soul by being here like this?
Would she one day reach the gates of the Peaceful Realms, only to be turned away and condemned to rot in the Seven Hells for her decision to take a demon as a lover?
Caspian had provided a welcome reprieve from her life and responsibilities. But the consequences of her choices had never felt so real—being forbidden to join her ancestors in the afterlife and doomed to spend eternity in suffering seemed like a heavy price to pay.
Surely, when the goods and evils of her life were weighed, they would understand what she had done and why she had done it. But then again, Ambriel had said she needed to leave at the first opportunity, and he seemed to notice she had been looking for reasons to linger.
She chewed her lip, and her fingers twitched from where they rested over Caspian’s chest hair.
The contract between them was set to end soon, yet she had been reluctant to pack. A small part of her had hoped to stay a while. Not forever—just for a little while longer.
She listened to the steady thump of Caspian’s heart and traced her fingers in lazy circles across his skin.
He wasn’t so bad, anyway. He was broody and could be cold … but he had a good side. She often thought that she had softened him, just a little.
As if sensing her warm thoughts of him, Caspian’s lips touched her forehead, lingering on contact.
She let her eyes drift shut and melted into him, her bones turning liquid. She drew a knee over his leg and had never felt more comfortable in her life. This was where she belonged, nestled against his chest. She inhaled deeply, letting his scent of woodsmoke and leather envelop her.
The thought of leaving, and never feeling his arms around her again, made her stomach lurch with something close to panic. As if wanting to hold onto him for as long as possible, she snuggled in closer.
If she were to leave after the last couple of weeks and the contract were up, she wanted to savour every moment with him.
It was then that she realized that she didn’t want to go.
Her fingers stilled.
The admission terrified her.
She hadn’t realized she’d actually grown to care for him—to actually enjoy his company.
The realization felt like being doused in cold water.
Friends, sure. Lovers, fine. But there was no way she had fallen head-over-heels for a demon.
No. Her throat closed. Please, no.
She didn’t want to—couldn’t love a monster.
She had guarded her heart so carefully. How could I have let this happen?
Images pressed upon her mind. Dead bodies—skinned and left like deer carcasses, goblets of blood, and women found in the woods with their throats ripped out.
Nasera’s words came back to her: Another woman disappeared last week—any friends of demons are no friends of mine.
She felt sick.
Her eyes became unspeakably sad as she stared at the wall.
Perhaps the angel was right to warn her.
Could she really blame an angel for denying her admittance to the Peaceful Realms if they knew she had stayed with a demon willingly?
That she had turned a blind eye to so many atrocities because the monster had a handsome face?
She swallowed.
A finger lifted her chin to tilt her face up to his.
“Elizabeth, my beauty, what’s wrong?” Caspian asked in concern.
She looked at him—those green eyes so sincere, so human. She touched his jaw, staring into his eyes and trying to find the words to say that. Yet, even though he had regained some small measure of his humanity while being with her, it wasn’t enough.
I just realized I’m half in love with you, and I will either be the enemy of my heart if I leave or damn my eternal soul if I stay.
“Tell me what’s bothering you, so that I can make it better,” Caspian said seriously, his hand coming to rest gently on her back.
Slowly, she said, “I am thinking about returning home soon. And consequences. I am thinking about consequences.”
He raised his brows. “Whatever you need, my carriage is yours. It goes without saying.”
“Thank you,” she murmured, but the words felt hollow.
Home. Where she was an outcast—a disgrace. Where she would be paraded about for the court hens to gossip about.
“Why do you look sad?” he asked, tilting his head and smirking. “Did we not just make love?”
“We did, and it was nice. I just … I feel like I am becoming a ruined woman.”
“Yes, but you’re my ruined woman,” he growled. “So, you are perfect.”
My ruined woman. The possessiveness in his voice sent heat spiraling through her even as it confirmed her worst fears. She was his. Completely. And that felt like the most beautiful and terrible thing in the world.
“You would say that.” She raised an eyebrow and gave him a wry smile, ignoring the twisting in her gut.
He smiled broadly—a rare moment of peaceful joy written across his face. “But tell me, what’s troubling you, my beauty, so that I can fix it.” He stroked her arm comfortingly.
My beauty.
Even his pet name for her reeked of possessiveness. A demon had offered her safe shelter, and she had willingly wandered into his waiting claws.
She turned her face into his chest, avoiding eye contact and breathing in his scent. How could something that felt this right be so wrong? “I just … I feel like I am damning my soul,” she whispered against his skin.
His fingers stilled on her arm. The silence grew tense, awkward.
“I feel like I will have consequences for being here. With you,” she said miserably.
“What do you mean?”
The words came out in a rush, like poison she needed to expel.
“I worry about my judgement day, when my rights and wrongs are weighed.
I may not get the answer I want to hear.
Because of this time with you. When I spoke with an angel, I realized humans and angels are on one side of the table … and I am now on the other.
“There will be consequences for damning the rules and staying here with you. Maybe not now, but someday, there will be consequences.”
And the worst part is, I don’t care. I should care. I should be terrified. But lying here with you, damnation feels like it might be a fair trade. Like the world could burn around us, and I’d be happy, so long as I have this.
“I’m pretty sure you enjoyed it when I fucked you. You’re not that good of a liar.”
She recoiled at his words.
She lifted her face to look at him, heat flooding her face. “Don’t be so crude.”
“I’ll be as crude as I want. There’s not an inch of you that you didn’t beg me to see. You wanted the devil to worship every inch of your body, and I did,” he said, venom on his lips. “You don’t get to blame me for the choices you made, Elizabeth. You came to my room that night if you recall.”
Each word he said was a lash.
He smirked, convinced he was right, and the sight made her blood boil.
Elizabeth spoke slowly, trying to keep her words calm and even.
“I understand I sought you out. I understand we shared some tender moments, and I don’t regret them.
I mean, now, as in currently, I feel like continuing to get deeper and deeper with you—our friendship, being your lover—makes me concerned that it will damn my soul. ”
“Being my lover. What are you really saying? Because you are not as high and mighty as you seem to think you are. You want to talk deadly sins?"
She scoffed. “I don’t think you can compare my sins with yours—”
“Oh, really? You are one of the biggest sinners of pride I have ever met. Your pride gets in your way, and you wouldn’t even be here with me if it weren’t for your unbending pride.
“In addition, you are one of the most vain, conceited people I have ever met. Conceit. Pride. Adultery. Let us not forget avaritia, or did you not think I saw how many suitcases you arrived with? How many dresses and gems you hoard? Vain as a dragon you are. Quite the list, don’t you think?
If you’re going to pretend to be perfect and throw stones at me, think again. ”