17. The Submission Game
THE SUBMISSION GAME
Damien’s voice seeped into my pores and saturated my blood like sweet, sinful venom, making my skin prickle in anticipation. I heard my own voice, darkened with desire: “Listen, we can only do this in private.”
“Did I give you permission to speak?” he chided imperiously, as though I were a servant ... no, probably even less than a servant. Normally, it would piss me off, but right now it only added to the fire already burning in my veins.
I shut up, but still glared at him defiantly, which seemed to excite him all the more.
He said in that domineering voice, “On your knees, alpha. Keep your eyes on me.”
I was mildly astonished by how confident he was, commanding me like that and believing I wouldn’t take offence and just punch him in his face.
But if that was a gamble, he bet it right.
Kneeling down before another alpha who was of a similar age to me felt ...
weird, like I was doing something inappropriate and humiliating, but that must be what I wanted, because the buzz of excitement only grew inside me.
I maintained eye contact with him, not even blinking.
When he gave me an approving smile and said, “Good boy”, a rush of warm satisfaction flowed through me.
Damien picked up a tiny cake covered in vanilla cream and held it to my mouth, saying, “Eat.”
My face was truly burning up right now; it must be showing, because I saw his smirk deepen.
I leaned in and took a bite from his hand, and the sweet, fresh cream melted on my tongue.
The cake was so small that I could finish it in three bites, and when I finished, he kept holding his hand out, with vanilla cream still coating his fingers.
“It’s a bad habit to be wasteful, Fenris,” he said, gazing down at me.
It was a challenge; I saw it in the gleam in his eyes.
I guess it made me a little ... competitive.
Still holding his gaze from under my eyelashes, I leaned forward and slowly, meticulously, licked the vanilla cream from his fingers, even sucking a little, until there was absolutely nothing left.
His breath quickened, and a small tent was already pitched under his tunic.
“You are being very good, my little wolf,” he said, as his fingers moved to touch my chin. “Now, we need to come up with a safe word. If it gets too much and you want it to stop, say the word, and I’ll stop. Nod if you understand.”
Safe word? That was an interesting notion. I nodded.
“Do you have any preferred words? It needs to be something you likely won’t say in your most passionate moments to avoid accidentally saying it,” he said, continuing to play with my warrior braids. “You may speak now.”
“Um ... I don’t know. I can’t think of any now.” I was telling the truth. My head was a mess, all I wanted was ... well, him.
“How about ‘serpent?’” he suggested softly.
Was it a reference to the incident that led to us being in that bathhouse alone?
I nodded. It was easy to remember and unlikely to slip out by accident.
“Perfect.” He then turned away from me and sat on the bed, while saying in an almost business-like tone: “So here are the rules. When we’re together, in one of these private times, you’ll obey me implicitly.
When I give you an order, you will carry it out.
If you fail, there will be punishments. You’ll place your trust in me, and I’ll take care of you and make decisions for you.
However, if you want to terminate the session, just say the safe word, and we’ll stop immediately.
These rules can be negotiated as we go. Sounds good? ”
I’d never played any kind of game like this. I heard some rumours about the debauched, strange lifestyles the southern wolves had, but I had never expected to be part of something like this myself.
Nevertheless, I said, in a raspy voice, “Y... yes.”
“Good. Now, stop talking unless I tell you to, come and sit next to me,” he said with that same regal voice.
I gulped, thinking we were about to have sex again. That would be a problem for my mark, as the more sex we had, the stronger the mate bond would be. Eventually, the mark wouldn’t fade at all ... and would become permanent.
I obeyed him anyway, sitting beside him on the bed, nervous like a virgin.
I could tell he was barely holding himself back. His pupils had dilated with lust, and his scent was flooded with arousal. But his expression was so calm, as though he were attending a council meeting.
“Bare your neck, alpha,” he commanded.
I took a deep breath, reminding myself that this was just a game, and tilted my head to my right side, baring my scent gland to him.
He pressed his nose against my neck, inhaling as though starved for the smell. He even kissed the mark gently, almost reverently, making my body shiver in anticipation and need. I wanted him to do more, to rip my tunic open and pin me to the bed, to do exactly what he did in the bathhouse.
“Mine ... you are mine ...” he whispered into my ear, as though casting a spell. His right arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me firmly against him in a possessive manner. I leaned into him, surrendering completely. At that moment, I knew I would allow him to do anything he wanted to me.
But then, he suddenly pulled away, standing up, and straightened his tunic as though he was getting ready to leave.
I blinked in confusion. What the hell was he doing?
“I have a meeting later. You can go now,” Damien said unceremoniously, as though he hadn’t just smothered his face in my neck seconds ago, as though there wasn’t a very obvious tent pitched under the hem of his tunic.
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” I blurted out.
“Tsk, tsk, already breaking the rules?” He grinned like a devil. “I was heeding your concerns. If we have sex again before the mark fades, it will only strengthen the bond and slow down the fading process. I don’t want to put you in a difficult situation.”
THIS WAS A DIFFICULT SITUATION!!! How could he rile me up like that and then leave me hanging?! Was he trying to make me beg?!
Yet, I didn’t dare speak again. I glared at him murderously.
“There are still ways to have fun, though. We just need to be patient,” he said gently, stroking my cheek. Then he turned to leave, adding casually over his shoulder, “Oh, as for your punishment, no self-gratification until I grant you permission. And don’t try to cheat, I’ll know.”
WHAT?!
I wanted to protest, to shout at him and demand that he come back and finish the business, but he didn’t give me permission to speak, so all I could do was watch him leave through the door, leaving me seething with frustration.
I was not in a good mood when I waited at the stable for my brother and his secret lover to return, for obvious reasons.
Some courtiers and grooms came and went, casting concerned or frightened glances in my direction, possibly due to the murderous look I was wearing.
What game was Damien playing?! I thought he said he wanted to have me again, so why had he left when I was ready to offer myself to him? Was it really out of concern for me, or was he just toying with me?
It would take six months to a year for the mark to fade. Was he really going to wait that long? Could I really wait that long?
He wasn’t regretting it ... was he?
He wasn’t laughing at my submissive behaviours with his friends behind my back ... right?
Doubts and insecurities hadn’t plagued my mind like this since I was a teenager. Not to mention that I was still worrying about Leif.
I waited for almost two hours before my brother finally decided to show up.
Leif was laughing happily, his hair a little dishevelled, likely from riding. Otherwise, he seemed unharmed. The rider beside him was an alpha, probably my age, tall, strong and handsome in a polished, patrician sort of way, with a tanned complexion and auburn hair. He must be Allan Eclipse.
The merriment on Leif’s countenance vanished the instant he saw me leaning against a pole near the stable, arms crossed, ready to bite someone’s head off.
“Fenris! What are you doing here?” he asked nervously.
Allan Eclipse’s dark blue eyes locked with mine. We sized each other up, silently measuring each other’s strength and intentions.
“Where have you been this whole day, Leif?” I asked in a dark, menacing voice.
“I ... A travelling circus arrived in Erevos yesterday. We went to watch their show in the marketplace,” Leif said casually, trying to downplay the fact that I had just caught him sneaking out.
“Yes, I suggested Leif come with me, because the circus was going to perform several scenes from Leif’s favourite book,” Allan Eclipse chimed in cheerfully as he dismounted.
He stepped toward me with a broad, bright, friendly smile.
His hand extended in a cordial, inviting gesture.
“I’m Allan Eclipse, Son of Gillian. It’s an honour to meet the greatest warrior of Winterthrope finally. ”
I didn’t shake his hand, merely glared at him coldly. Flattery would get him nowhere.
He withdrew his hand naturally and smoothly, without even a single trace of embarrassment at my rejection. “Leif has told me a lot about you. I’ve been eager to introduce myself.”
“I’ve heard nothing about you,” I said curtly.
Leif had also dismounted and handed the horse to a groom. He came to my side sheepishly. “I wanted to tell you, but you were sleeping in this morning.”
“You could have woken me! It wasn’t an issue for you in the past.”
“Oh my Great Wolf, can you just ... let it go? It wasn’t a big deal! Can’t you just let me have fun for once without making me feel guilty about it?!” Leif said with annoyance, as though I were the one who sucked all the joy out of his life.
Allan tried to smooth things over, sensing my scorching anger. “Sorry, Fenris, we should have let you know.”
“There is no ‘we’!” I snapped at him. Then I glared at Leif. “You come with me, now!”
“No,” Leif declared with a raised chin. “You don’t get to tell me whom I can go out with. You are not my father!”
I blinked several times. Was everyone determined to get on my nerves today?
“Fine, suit yourself,” I hissed, then turned away. All these fights for an alpha he had just met a few days ago were getting really tiresome. And if he decided to choose this Allan over me, then so be it.
What else could I do? Lock him up?
Before storming off, I still looked back one more time, staring Allan dead in the eyes, and said in the calmest and most chilling voice I could muster: “If you dare to hurt my brother in any way, I’ll kill you.”
Damien’s Diary Entry, Day 13
June 25, Waning Crescent,
Today, I did something bold. I played a game with him, and to my immense surprise, he took it very, very well.
I had never played this game with another alpha before. It was usually with an omega or a beta, to whom submission to an alpha was natural and instinctive. But with Fenris, I didn’t know what to expect. Worst case scenario, he might even attack me for trying this on him.
But when I raised the wine glass to his lips, he actually drank from my hand, even though he looked a little perplexed. He was probably expecting something else when I left him a note, asking him to meet me secretly in this storage room.
You couldn’t imagine the level of surprise and exhilaration that filled my heart and ...
somewhere else, watching the dark crimson liquid stain his lips and trail down his long neck.
He finished every drop of it, not even stopping to take a breath.
And once he finished it, I couldn’t help but grab his hair and push his head toward me, seizing his lips with mine.
I tasted the wine on his lips, in his mouth, then along his neck.
I was drawn to the mating mark on his scent gland, the very monument of my claim on him.
The shape of my fangs etched luridly on his skin, making me want to devour him ...
But then, he said in a conflicted tone that he wasn’t sure if this was a good idea. If we made love again, it would strengthen our bond, and the mark would take much, much longer to fade.
My heart sank. Disappointment gnawed at me, and my alpha brain told me to push through, to reassure him and sweet talk him into it.
But I held myself back and gave him some space to decide if he wanted this or not.
I didn’t want him to experience regret later, it wouldn’t be fair for him, and he would hate me.
“Do you want me to stop then?” I asked.
After a few agonizingly long moments, he said, “No, I don’t want you to stop.”
I hoped I didn’t grin like an imbecile.
I continued to push my luck, but he continued to amaze me.
He even kneeled when I told him to, and when I ordered him to eat that tiny cream cake from my hand, he made a little show of it, darting his tongue out to lick the cream, looking up at me from under his long eyelashes, half challenging, half enticing.
When he licked the cream off my fingers, the soft, warm sensation almost made me lose all control, and I had to pull some distance between us before I tackled him down and took him like a savage.
We decided on the safe word: serpent, as I suggested, then I told him to sit beside me. I made out with him for a while, then, I stopped.
I swear it was one of the most difficult things I had done in my life. I didn’t even know I had such strong willpower to remove myself from Fenris, who was all flushed and ready to give me everything ...
I saw the murderous frustration on his face, and I admit part of me loved teasing him and not giving it to him.
I guess I am an evil bastard, after all.
I want him to desire me as much as I desire him, and so, I had to let the newly awakened lust burning in his eyes stew a little longer, so that there wouldn’t be any room for doubt left.
The best wine is worth the wait, and it applies to love, too.