26. The Secret Is Out
THE SECRET IS OUT
Rydel’s words exploded in my mind, sending a shockwave of panic through my body.
What?! How? I had only shifted once since I reapplied the concealer ...
Was it rubbed off when Rydel tried to choke me with the hammer’s handle?
I frantically tried to kick him off me, and I managed to succeed. It didn’t change my situation, though.
I suddenly realized we were way too close to the royal pavillion, close enough for the people in the front row to see me clearly, including the mark on my neck.
Rydel stepped back, an amused and disdainful look on his face, as he shouted so loud that everyone in the royal pavillion could hear him clearly say, “Who knew? Our mighty Lord Fenris has a mating mark! He has been claimed by another alpha!”
Eyes, so many eyes, their gaze intertwined into a trammel net, closing in on me from every direction. I suddenly realized how exposed I was under the scrutiny of thousands of people. Instinctively, I slapped my hand over the mark to cover it, but it only further confirmed Rydel’s words.
I heard murmurs, gasps, and snickers ripple across the observing crowd like the sizzling of a frying pan. I looked up and met Damien’s gaze. He was shocked, if not petrified. Next to him, Valerian’s face was unreadable, but Cassandra didn’t bother to hide her shark-like smirk.
I didn’t dare to look in Leif’s direction.
I had to leave, had to run, had to hide. That was all I could think of. I shifted into my wolf form again, counting on my fur to cover the mark, and darted toward the gate.
I ran and ran and ran, everything around me blurring into a murky shadow. I sprinted out of the stadium and plunged into the woods, and I didn’t stop until my strength failed me. Wolf form consumed three times the energy of human form, after all.
My body shifted back to human form as I stumbled and crashed to the ground.
I was so exhausted that for a few minutes, I couldn’t pick myself up from the mossy forest floor, couldn’t even move a finger.
Cold, clammy mud stuck to my naked body, making me shiver, yet I wished it would suck me in, swallow me whole, so I wouldn’t have to face the fact that now, everyone in Erevos knew I had willingly submitted to another alpha.
My worst fear had become reality, in the worst possible way.
I curled my legs up, hugging myself like a fetus. I couldn’t stop the violent shiver, and it wasn’t all caused by the cooling night air.
How could this happen? Was it a setup? Did someone change the concealer, or was it the hammer choke that rubbed it off?
I should have listened to Damien ... Should have called it off ... Why didn’t I listen to him?
Was there some way to deny it? To fix it? But so many people had seen ...
Did it even matter now? Since the dirty secret was already out... how long would it take for the news to travel back to the North, to Winterthrope, to my father’s ears? The very thought made me nauseous.
I wasn’t sure how long I lay there, perhaps it was hours. I wondered if I could just hide there forever, never to return.
When the crescent moon climbed to the zenith, I knew I had to go back.
Leif would be worried, and soon they might send guards to search for me.
I picked myself up, bracing against the fig tree to steady myself, breathing deeply to stop the trembling, yet I failed miserably.
I stumbled back to the stadium, only to find it mostly empty.
The Games had concluded for the day, and all the spectators were gone.
I gathered my last strand of strength to change into a wolf, then slipped through the gate, avoiding any guards or lingering fighters. I had to hide behind columns or doors several times, and I heard two of the southern fighters chatting.
“I’d never have thought he’s a kneeler. He acts all tough and mean, can’t imagine a male alpha like that taking another alpha in the arse.”
“I wonder who the other alpha is, must be a scary guy if he can make a big, tough northie like that submit.”
“But it’s a mating mark. He must have been willing. I guess if he likes you, you can make him submit, too.”
“Oh shut the fuck up. I like my soft, pretty omegas, so no thank you.”
“To be fair, he is pretty enough. I wouldn’t mind lending him my big ‘sword’ if he begs, honestly.”
“Ewww! You are disgusting!”
Their voices faded in the distance, and I spent another few minutes in the shadows to stop my body from shaking in rage. I knew I would hear things like this, but I didn’t expect it to happen so soon.
Was I doomed to listen to similar shit-talk for the rest of my life?
I sneaked into my preparation room, shifted back into human form and changed into a spare set of clothes I kept there, pulling my collar up high.
Someone had gathered my weapons and armour pieces from the arena and left them here.
I shoved the armour pieces into a backpack, then found the bottle of concealer and threw it in, too.
I needed to know if someone had swapped it, because then ... it meant this whole thing was a setup.
I found my horse in the stable and rode back to Vesperfort Palace.
It was almost one a.m., though for werewolves, it wasn’t that late.
Many grooms were still bustling about in the stable, fixing horseshoes or cleaning the stalls.
When I showed up, they all stared at me like I were some kind of foreign animal.
I tried not to care and left my horse to one of them, then headed back to my room.
I tried to keep my gaze straight, holding my head high, and walked as confidently as I had before.
Even though it was growing harder as more courtiers and servants paused on their way to stare at me, whispering and snickering among their groups.
The omegas and betas at least tried to keep their voices down, but several alphas outright whistled at me.
An earl I recognized from Rydel’s friend circle grabbed his loins and yelled at me, “Hey! Lord Fenris, I have something you’ll like here! ”
I gritted my teeth, trying to ignore him. But when he began to follow me and kept spilling out dirty talk, I snapped. I swung around and punched him in the face. I used way too much strength than I had planned, and he spat a broken tooth onto the floor, mixed with blood.
“You cock-sucking bitch!” he screamed, lunging at me, but his friends held him back.
They’d chosen to use a different set of insults now, only because I was a claimed alpha.
I left, no longer bothering to keep my composed facade. My walking pace turned into a scurry until I was back in my room. I slammed the door shut and locked it, as if I could lock the nightmare outside.
I stood there, breathing heavily. Before I could push away the panic that was once again welling up inside me, the door to Leif’s room opened.
My body froze, and I didn’t dare to turn around.
“Fenris?” came Leif’s cautious voice.
Every muscle in my body tensed up. It took all my gumption just to turn around. I could feel Leif’s gaze lingering on my neck.
“Where have you been? I was worried.” He approached me gingerly, like how he would walk around an easily startled lamb.
“I’m fine,” I grunted, moving to drop my backpack next to my clothing chest. “I’m tired.”
“W ... what happened?” He seemed not to get the hint that I didn’t want to talk about it.
“Didn’t you see?” My tone was unnecessarily sharp, but I didn’t exactly have the mental capacity to care. The way he tiptoed around the topic annoyed me.
“I mean ... when did you get ... that?”
He spoke about my mating mark as if it were something too sordid to be put into words, and it stung me unexpectedly. I glanced at him and said mockingly, “You mean my mating mark?”
He seemed to recoil slightly, but nodded his head. “Did it happen ... here?”
“Of course it happened here. I didn’t have it back home, did I?”
“Were you forced?”
“No!” I snapped, wanting to get out of this conversation, yet I couldn’t find a way out. “A mating mark wouldn’t have formed if I weren’t willing.”
My acerbic words seemed to get on his nerves, too. He spoke in a tone mixed with disbelief and disappointment. “You wanted to be marked? But you are an alpha!”
“Thank you for stating the obvious, but yes, I know I’m a fucking alpha.” Suddenly, the room felt too confined and muggy, the air congealed like curdled milk, and I couldn’t breathe. I ripped the top few buttons on my tunic open.
Instantly, Leif set his eyes on the mating mark. An emotion flickered across his face, and he looked ... pained.
“It’s ironic, isn’t it?” he said with a bitter laugh. “I came here to become Prince Damien’s mate, yet it was you who was marked. Who did this to you?”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it matters! The heir of Winterthrope is now claimed by another alpha! How will anyone take us seriously after this? Father will kill you!”
I knew Leif was telling the truth. This was the reality I couldn’t run from. I sank into the couch and buried my face in my palms, feeling a dull ache throbbing behind my eyes.
A gentle hand settled on my shoulder. I heard Leif’s sigh before he sat next to me, saying in a scared, lost voice, “What should we do?”
“I don’t know, Leif ...” I whispered. “I need time to think.”
I sat on the couch, pouring myself another goblet of wine. I wished I had some stronger liquor here, but I didn’t want to call for the servants to bring me mead.
After helping me address my wounds from the fights, Leif had gone back to his room, leaving me alone to stew in my thoughts. However, I couldn’t think of anything that could make the situation better.
Perhaps the only way out was to leave Erevos. To run away like a coward. Even though the news would still reach Winterthrope, at least it would only be my reputation that would suffer.
But then ... I might never see Damien again. Even if I could survive Lovelorn disease, even if we were to meet sometime in the future, he would already have chosen a mate and married.
That very thought sliced into my heart like a rusty knife.
The pain wasn’t sharp, but it seesawed repeatedly on the beating flesh, as the poison slowly percolated through my blood.
I hated the feeling because I should have been worried about failing my mission of finding an ally for my clan, about disappointing everyone in my life, about my whole world being turned upside down, not the non-existent relationship I had with Damien.
Just then, a faint, yet clearly intentional knock came from the window. I looked up, and my heart almost stopped.
Damien was balancing himself on the narrow windowsill, grabbing at a trim, apparently having just climbed up three stories from the outer wall. He waved at me with a stupid smile.
What the fuck was he doing?!
I hastily opened the window. He slipped in soundlessly, landing on the tiled floor with feline-like grace, without making a single sound.
I nervously glanced at the door to Leif’s room and said in a hushed voice, “What are you doing here?”
Damien didn’t speak. He grabbed the front of my nightshirt and pulled me toward him.
I let myself fall into his chest, feeling his strong arms wrapping around me, hearing the steady thumps of his heartbeats, and smelling his mist-dampened scent.
Just like that, the heartache was gone, and I was ... better.
“Too many eyes are watching your door, so I thought I’d climb up to your window like an old-fashioned paramour.”
His deep, magnetic voice trickled into my ear, soft as a feather falling.
“You shouldn’t be here ...” I closed my eyes, inhaling him greedily. “What if someone sees you?”
“Then they see me,” Damien said, rubbing his chin against the top of my head.
“You are fucking crazy!”
“Are you alright?” He pulled back a little, looking me over.
Are you alright. He was the first to ask me this after everything went to shit. I should say “I’m fine,” as I always did, but for whatever reason, it felt okay to tell him the truth.
“No ...” I said dryly. “I fucked up.”
“Did you apply the concealer John gave you before the fight?” Damien asked. Of course he was aware of the concealer. John must have told him.
“I did,” I said. Which reminded me of the bottle I had. I rummaged through the backpack, pulled out the concealer, and handed it to Damien. “Can you take this to John to have a look? It smells off.”
Damien secured the bottle to his belt.
Just then, I heard noise from Leif’s room, and my heart leapt to my throat.
“Fenris?” came Leif’s voice, closer to the door now.
I had it locked from my side, but still, Damien shouldn’t stay here any longer. “You need to go!” I pushed Damien to the window. He complied without a fuss, leaping onto the windowsill and sliding outside. But in the last moment, he grabbed my hand, squeezing tightly.
“It’ll be okay, I promise,” he whispered firmly, as though he knew it for a fact, before jumping onto the trim one story lower.
I watched him climb down the wall with incredible agility, then disappear into the shadows.
Somehow, at that moment, I believed him, despite how hopeless the whole situation was.
Damien’s Diary Entry, Day 23
July 6, Waxing Gibbous,
Fenris’s mark was exposed today, in The Games, before thousands of spectators.
I knew it was fishy when Fenris told me Cassandra had talked him into fighting Allan and Rydel together. I should have insisted he call it off, or forced Graham to cancel it, even if Fenris would have hated me for it.
Everyone knew Fenris was out for blood. He wanted to punish Allan for Leif too badly, and Cassandra used it. She always has a knack for sniffing out people’s weaknesses.
Did she know about Fenris and me? I could never be sure with her. I don’t even understand why she does what she does anymore.
Fuck … Did she target Fenris because of me?
Have I ruined Fenris’s life?
I need to fix this … My original plan of skipping the Mate Selection Ball will not work anymore, since Fenris won’t be in tomorrow’s matches. Perhaps I can use the ball to make a big splash and distract everyone’s attention from Fenris?
Since everyone knows I’ve been almost assassinated once (whether the serpent incident was an assassination attempt is still debatable), perhaps I can hire someone through Johnny’s connections and fake a semi-successful assassination during the ball.
Then, during the chaos, Fenris and I can run away.
We can go to where my loyal Steel Legion soldiers are currently camping and then take the north by force.
We can even start our own clan …
Johnny will probably call me crazy and refuse to help me … But I’ll try. I’ll make this right.