Chapter 5 #3
‘From the sounds coming out of the throne room, I imagine I’ll be spoilt for corpses soon,’ I joked. ‘Hopefully they won’t all turn and attack those I love.’
Asher snorted. ‘Never thought I’d feel sorry for the wolf.’
I ran my fingers through his still-bristling fur. Part of me wanted to tell Asher about the sparrow, about Mama, but instead, I sniffed.
‘Is there a reason you’re walking without a guard, again?’
I pretended I couldn’t hear his exasperated huff as I continued on, my gaze resolutely ahead.
‘Sorrow?’
‘I’d forgotten how cold this damn place gets.’ We arrived at the top of the wide stone steps leading to the great hall. Tears prickled at the back of my eyes. Images of Matthias and I leaping to the cobbles, tearing away with our hands entwined.
Asher gently pulled on my elbow until I faced him.
‘I’d like to get to my rooms, Captain.’ I tugged my arm, but Asher held firm.
‘Sorrow…’
‘It’s cold.’ My voice trembled as Asher’s dark eyes met mine. ‘I’m exhausted. I’m back in this shit hole and my wolf has decided I need to bring vermin back from the dead to attack whoever is unlucky enough to be close by, so if you’ll excuse me—’
‘I lost him too,’ he said, so quiet the words caught me off guard.
The courtiers, guards, the servants around us all blurred as my breath caught.
My hand clutched the banister as I slumped back, my eyes closed tightly as though that one act could force my husband from my mind.
‘Matthias. He’s my best friend. My king.
My ally. And I left him on that beach with that…
that bitch. I left him so I could ensure my queen, the woman he loves, would survive the carnage we fled from. ’
Pablo nuzzled my hand. I exhaled a half sob.
‘I don’t,’ I shook my head. ‘Please, Asher. I—’
The captain rubbed my arm, tilting his head. I prayed to Evella that wasn’t pity shining in his eyes.
‘Sorrow?’ Enfys, surrounded by her guard, turned the corner. ‘I was worried till I’d noticed Asher had slipped out too.’
Skye approached behind her, careful to keep a distance between her and Asher. I forced a weak smile.
‘I’m fine,’ I lied, thankful she hadn’t arrived a few minutes earlier to witness my failure with the dead rat. ‘It all got a bit loud in there.’
‘I’m about to take a light supper with Oskar.’ She reached for me, but instinctively, I curled my fingers, tucked them away. ‘We’d love it if you’d join us.’
Gods, supper with the sour-faced brat was not what I needed right now. I’d rather gouge out my own eyes than willingly sit in a room with that child. And what if Enfys wanted to finally talk about Mama? What if she learnt her sister was still a catastrophic liability?
‘I didn’t get much sleep last night,’ I said, and even in the darkness I saw the flicker of disappointment sweep through her blue eyes. ‘I really need to catch up.’
‘Of course,’ she said. ‘I’ll be in Papa’s old chambers if you change your mind.’
That would have been handy to know last night I thought as my sister turned away, both of us knowing I had no intention of accepting her invitation.
Gripping the wolf, I turned towards the corridors where my own chambers lay, already dreading the memories lurking there. Asher fell into step with us.
‘You’re pushing everyone away – again.’
I shook my head. I’d no desire to examine my mountain of burdens. Think of all I’d lost just as we’d discovered each other again.
‘I’m hurting too, but I talk to Skye; she’s lost her brother. Both her brothers. Enfys has lost her father. You’ve lost Matthias. Shit, Sorrow. You’ve lost Glesni.’
‘And a huge amount of sleep after last night. So, Captain—’
He held me in place and I glared at him.
‘What I’m trying to say, and badly by the way you look like you’re about to cry, is that we need to support each other. Enfys is strong, kind. You should give her a chance.’
I crossed my arms. If he knew what I’d done to Enfys as a child? How she’d turn away the moment she learnt the truth about the curses writhing in my veins.
‘We need to stand together. We can be so much stronger, Sorrow. We’re living under the same roof as Romero’s supporters. The ones who would still rip your throne from under you. Those from The Alliance who grinned as they stabbed you and Matthias in the back. And we’re begging them to help us.’
I pursed my lips, and Asher threw his arms in the air. Clutching Pablo, I descended the deep steps across the keep.
‘I know when I’ve lost, my queen,’ he called after me. ‘If you don’t want to sit with your sister, I’ll be in Skye’s rooms, getting drunk. We’ve found a portrait of Danté we’re about to deface.’
A weak smile flickered across my face. If I weren’t so fucking empty inside, I may have been tempted to join them.
‘Please think on it, my queen, please.’
Queen? Of what? I snorted. ‘I’ve no crown. No throne. We’ve lost Asmar,’ I called back, crossing the great hall, desperate for the solitude of my rooms. ‘So, please, Asher, do not call me your queen.’
My steps echoed for a few moments before Asher spoke. ‘You’ll forever be my queen,’ he said. ‘Forever.’
I didn’t turn back.