Chapter 16 #2
A swathe of desperation clamoured in my chest. As much as I needed Hawk to guide my journey towards balance, he was also the only beast I believed could truly help me get my husband back. A Deviant with more powers than any could hope for.
I grimaced as my salvation took another huge swig, wind rumbling in his chest as he rubbed it. An all-powerful, painfully rare and blessed Deviant. He belched, a satisfied smile spreading over his face, and I had to question Evella’s sense of humour.
But my time to convince him to help me was running out. I had to try once more.
‘How many days till we find the insurgents?’ I asked.
‘With you for company? Too many.’
‘If I remember rightly, you chose to accompany me.’ Damn it, Sorrow, diplomacy.
He barked out a laugh, opening his tattered notebook and pulling out a short pencil before scratching in his notes. I’d tried to peer in once or twice, but his script was far too small, too swirled for my eyes to make sense of his secrets.
‘Lucky old me.’ He strode over to his half-finished hare, tossing the remains to Pab, who gladly lay down and gnawed his extra meal. Hawk sat awkwardly in the grass, scowling at his book as he took another swig. ‘You lot have been nothing but a pain in my ass since you stole my boat.’
‘Ha,’ I laughed, prodding the mole with the toe of my boot. My meagre tea threatened to reappear. ‘We didn’t steal your boat. We commandeered it in an international crisis, and you’ve been promised a rather significant reward for your troubles.’
It was Hawk’s time to laugh. ‘I think you and I have very different ideas about what counts as a significant reward.’
‘Perhaps you could help me, then. I know you don’t have any gifts.’ He swore under his breath. ‘But you’re well-travelled. You’ve probably picked up a few things in your time.’
‘One or two.’ He eyed me over the flames and my pulse skittered. ‘You’re different to the other Deviants I’ve known. Surely if you just listen to those gifts, you’ll balance? Put a bit of faith in who, what, you are?’
I rolled my eyes, opened my mouth before he interrupted me.
‘If I help, will you shut up?’
‘Possibly.’ He was always a step ahead of me.
If I could just pluck some crumbs of advice from him?
He was also strong enough to subdue my threads should they deviate once more.
‘My mentor, Glesni Grace, a Deviant, died before she could teach me how to balance and despite Pab’s best efforts… I’m not doing too well.’
Hawk narrowed his dark gaze at me. ‘If I had to mentor you, I’d choose death too.’
‘Not funny.’
He offered me his bottle and despite the temptation to take a swig, numb the agony pulsing within my chest, I shook my head.
‘I can access both gifts. Claim them and set them free, but something isn’t working.’ I looked at the mole. ‘It’s like there’s some… key, some knowledge I’m missing out on.’
He shrugged, taking another chug. ‘I don’t know much about it,’ he said, peering at something he saw in the twinkling skies, ‘but I reckon you might need something a bit fresher than a week-old rat.’
I bit my cheek, pushed my rage back down. We both knew he could help me. Ale swilled out of his bottle as he used it to point at the mole. The wolf lifted his amber eyes to meet mine.
‘He eats anything fresher,’ I said. ‘I appear to get the dregs.’
‘Know the feeling.’ Hawk sat up, narrowed his gaze at the mole. ‘Just see if you can… make it walk.’
‘It’s got three legs.’
He barked out a harsh laugh. ‘Shouldn’t stop it. Give it a try. Really try.’
Really try? Perhaps I would just try once more, and hope the putrid creature launched an attack on him.
I swallowed down the chasm within my chest. The one filled with regret for the loss of Glesni.
Matthias hadn’t lied when he’d said she was the best mentor on all Eusis.
Tears, hot with despair, pinched the back of my eyes.
All this power writhing in my veins and I didn’t have a single hope of being a Deviant half as impressive as Glesni.
I cracked open one eye, groaning as Hawk, stick in hand, prodded the mole.
Tutting, I grabbed it from him and threw it away. ‘You’ll make it angry,’ I warned.
‘Angry? It was happy digging holes in heaven and then you come along and bring it back. Of course it’s angry.’
Closing my eyes, I dug within till the increasingly familiar violet ribbon threaded upwards.
It was eager, ever eager to be released.
I hesitated, my skin prickling as I checked it remained intact.
My arms relaxed as the threads heeded my commands.
They spread out, hesitating at the mole, almost insulted with the offering.
For a moment, I heard them calling their silver opponents before I shoved them back.
Violet crept forward, recoiled before realising there was no alternative, then shot within the tiny creature.
It twitched. Empty sockets opened, and I hissed as its pain echoed through my chest. Its front leg spasmed, unwilling to allow my mind fully in as I had with Glesni on the beach.
Something about overtaking a decomposing mole’s mind and accepting it into my own lacked any appeal.
It wanted to scream, but without any lower jaw, no sound escaped.
There was nothing left of the creature it had been.
It was as pointless as trying to control a diafol.
I sucked the violet ribbons back. They protested, slamming into my chest as the mole collapsed once more. Hawk chuckled and I glanced over, a wide smile on his face. Gods awful man. I cursed, rubbing my chest.
I grabbed the stick he’d thrown and started digging into the ground.
‘What are you doing now?’
I paused, peering through the strands of my escaped hair before scoring into the damp earth once more.
‘What does it look like?’