13. Olivia #3
It was impossible to have a running log of every time we’d exchanged those three beautiful little words to each other, but a montage still went through my head.
Us in bed together, covered in sweat and breathless, lost in the way we made each other feel.
When he cooked me a wonderful breakfast for dinner afterward, complete with fresh crepes that made my knees weak.
When, on a particularly rough weekend when the world seemed so heavy due to a lot of events happening across the globe, he loaded up a YouTube playlist of hopecore videos, interesting conservation efforts from bluegrass groups, and successful animal adoption or rehabilitation.
So many moments of affection and happiness, but all of them were contained within the walls of his house.
How had I not realized that?
“Hey, it’s okay. I never took any offense.
I know you’re a private person, and you’ve always shown it in your actions when we’ve been out.
You never seem ashamed of holding my hand, you’re always quick to give me a kiss on the cheek or laugh at my jokes.
To me, the words have been written into so many things that you do, it’s like you’re shouting it at me all the time. ”
“That’s very generous of you, but I should say it out loud more often.
I’m sorry I haven’t. And although this doesn’t make up for it, I want you to know that I love you.
” I stood up from the table. “I love you.” I stepped around my chair and walked over to Keith’s side of the table so I was looking down at him, our hands still joined. “I love you.”
I kissed him. It wasn’t heated or rushed. In fact, it was downright soft and tender. But I didn’t care who saw, didn’t care if anyone judged us. I wanted Keith to know he filled my heart with so much warmth.
Once I pulled away, I made sure to finish the point that I was trying to make.
“I love you, and not only do I not care if anybody knows it, I want everyone to know it. If I could, I’d put it up on billboards, have it advertised on YouTube videos, have the nightly news run a story with it.
You’re incredible, Keith, and I love to brag that you’re mine to anybody who will listen. ”
Except my family.
I drop-kicked that thought, shoved it into a box, then chucked that box into a simmering fire in the back of my mind, not wanting to ruin the moment. It was getting harder and harder to dodge it. The longer this went on, the closer I got to the wall I’d eventually crash into.
Just another month. Or two. If life could just let me enjoy our one-year anniversary, then I’d be able to make a decision with a clear head.
Oh, who the hell was I kidding?
But Keith, with that impeccable timing of his, kissed the quandary right out of my thoughts until there was nothing but him and me. When we parted and he stood, holding me steady, I was over the moon again.
“How about that fried chicken?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Hand in hand, we headed out of the restaurant, and I was a little startled to see the rain had stopped. I hadn’t realized we’d been in the restaurant long enough for the weather to change.
“Are we walking or driving?”
“We can drive if you want, but it’s just down the street and around the corner. Maybe about… five, six minutes? What would you prefer?”
When I was wearing my nice heels, I would take the car ride every time, even though I was a wolf with enhanced healing abilities, but I was wearing comfortable wedge boots that were easy to walk in and made me feel like a Parisian fashionista.
“I’m fine with walking. Are you?” Although Keith had an impressive appetite, he still couldn’t reach mine and I didn’t know if he was a bit too full. At first in our relationship I’d tried too hard to seem like I had normal caloric needs, but I’d gotten a lot more lax about that.
Maybe too lax? Keith never judged me for it, though, so I figured it was fine.
“I’d love to walk with you.”
Hooking my arm through his, I got to have another long stretch of being a Hollywood lead in a romcom living her happily ever after.
Keith’s estimate of our stroll was as accurate as his woodworking, and we arrived shortly after our order was ready.
From the moment we stepped into the mom-and-pop shop, I knew it was good, not that I had expected anything less.
Keith had made it clear that he took my birthday incredibly seriously, and I was long past doubting him.
If only I could be open about him with my family. He could plan my birthdays then and maybe my family would be a little more well-behaved.
“Do you want to take this bucket home or eat it here?” he asked as they handed over a massive container of chicken.
“Do you think it’ll stay warm on the drive home?” It was at least half an hour’s drive.
“I bought an insulated bag for this, so it should.”
Be still my heart.
It was such a little thing, just a bag that delivery drivers used to keep food hot and ready, but it was so thoughtful that I was…
touched. It was wild having a partner who anticipated every need before I even had it.
With him, I was never the one who had to save the day.
Never the person who had the responsibility to anticipate every possible variable and prepare for it.
We were equals who supported and loved each other as best we could.
It was all too much. My throat constricted. Did it look like I was getting emotional over fried chicken? Perhaps. But I tried to maintain my composure as best I could.
It turned out my best wasn’t quite good enough, because Keith stopped before we left, his expression curious.
“Is everything okay, Olivia? I don’t mind if you want to eat it here.”
So silly. So, so, so silly, and yet that was what made tears begin to well in my eyes.
“Everything is perfect,” I blurted, and uh-oh, that was the last vestige I had before the floodgates really opened.
“I’m so happy, and I can’t believe my life can be like this.
And I’m sad because I spent so much of my life thinking I could never have something like this.
“You make me laugh, you make me feel safe, and even the simplest things with you are so damn wonderful. I love it! I love it, and I love you, and… and… and… thank you for giving me the best birthday I could ever ask for! I want to spend the rest of them with you.” That last word ended up drawn out into something that sounded a bit more like “yoohuhu”, but mi amore seemed to understand every word out my mouth.
“Aw, baby, I wanna treat you good,” Keith said, setting the chicken down to pull me into his big, strong embrace.
It never failed to regulate me. From the full body pressure all over, to his scent, to the soft murmurs that always escaped him as he gently rubbed my back, I felt so loved and tended.
I had no idea what the employees of the chicken shop thought of me having a breakdown, but I hoped that they took it as their food smelling so amazing.
“You treat me better than good!” I practically wailed. In reality, my voice was only slightly louder than usual, but there was so much going on in my head and my heart.
I truly loved Keith with every fiber of my being and felt so respected and cared for when I was with him.