16. Olivia #2
“Why would you looking any sort of way affect your sexuality?” I asked gently.
Amanda was a kind and caring individual, so I wanted to be there for her with whatever was going on in her head.
Whether she was asexual or simply needed to heal from someone abusing her trust, I was happy to help.
“Isn’t that kind of like when people tell any sporty girl she’s a lesbian and every single man in drama club that he’s gay? ”
“Um… I guess it kind of is. I just, ya know, I get what people expect of me and sometimes I feel like I’m some alien because I don’t wanna act like that.
I don’t wanna be sexy. I don’t really care about mashing privates with someone.
I like kissing, cuddling, and holding hands, but the rest? It’s take it or leave it for me.”
“Amanda, babe, you can’t live your life trying to adhere to what people expect of you.” Boy, talk about a subject I was all too familiar with! “You are your own person no matter what their preconceived notions of you are.
“And let’s say you are asexual. So what? Yeah, it means you should probably have a conversation to establish what your preferences are for a potential partner, but it doesn’t mean it’s somehow unfair for you to date someone.”
“Are you sure? Because it feels like I’ve been hiding this really important side of me from him, and that it would kind of be tricking him to accept a date after leading him on.”
Goodness. If she wasn’t so earnest in her stress, I would think that she had somehow found out about me hiding the fact that I was a shifter and was trying to show me through a parallel example of how silly and destructive it was that I hadn’t confessed to the man who I was now certain was the love of my life.
Or maybe my conscience was making everything a bit too much about me. Either way, I used my incredibly helpful albeit unhealthy habit of punting my inconvenient thoughts out of my head and focused on my best friend.
“You’re not tricking him by being yourself.
And why would you have discussed it with him up until this point?
It wasn’t like you were actively seducing him.
The two of you had chemistry, and he asked you out.
What you decide to do should be entirely based on what you want and not anything that you might be afraid of. ”
There was silence on her side of the line for a drawn-out moment, and I was worried that I’d somehow put my foot into my mouth even though I had been genuinely trying to give the best advice I could about a topic that brushed a little too close to home with some of the things I was struggling with.
But then, after several beats, I heard a relieved sort of sigh from her. “You know, it sounds so simple when you put it that way.”
Phew! It looked like I had earned my gold star in friendship for the day.
“I like to think I’m a good sounding board. Sometimes it helps hearing your own thoughts from another person.”
“It does. And thank you, for the advice, and also for being so cool with the... you know.”
That vulnerability again, and I thought back to when she’d hauled me all over a shopping center and held my hand like the terrified and insecure woman I had been. I owed so much to her, and I wanted her to know that I was going to be repaying that kindness for the rest of my life.
“Amanda, I don’t care if you’re gay, bisexual, asexual, transgender, or even like crunchy peanut butter. You’re my friend no matter what, and I love you for you.”
Silence again, but this time I was patient.
“Really?” she asked, and I heard her sniffling.
Good Lord, she was breaking my heart in all the right ways. It was a shame that I had gone so much of my life without having any strong relationships outside of my family, but I would be eternally grateful that Amanda was my first one. “Really-really. On God and also my mother’s pasta recipe.”
“Oh.” Amanda laughed. “Now I know you’re serious!”
“You bet I am! And always will be.” There was such warmth flowing between us, which might be why I decided to broach a subject I’d been putting off.
“Speaking of being serious, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
“Oh? Am I in trouble?”
“No, nothing like that. It’s just...”
For the past week, I’d been building it up in my head, making more and more elaborate situations, but like Keith’s impromptu proposal in the chicken shop, some things were better off the cuff.
“You’re my best friend, and I’m so happy that you decided to lean over and play wingman on that very first day of the workshop.
Because of you, I am quite literally living my own fairy tale.
” Although technically, I supposed I was the big bad wolf and Keith was the lumberjack, so I wasn’t sure where that left little Red Riding Hood.
“None of this would have happened without you, and your kindness, and your incredible makeover skills, which is why I wanted to ask…” I paused for dramatic emphasis, and it thrilled me that I could tell my friend was holding her breath even over the line.
“Amanda Collins, will you be my maid of honor?”
I had to hurriedly swap my phone off speaker due to the wild, enthusiastic shriek that sounded over it. That went on for nearly a minute before Amanda switched back to audible speech.
“Oh my god, girl, you better not be pulling my leg right now, because I swear I will be at your door with a frying pan and a bad attitude if this is a prank!”
“Calm down there, Rapunzel. And no, I’m not joking. I am being completely serious. If I’m gonna have a wedding, I want you to be right there beside me, and so does Keith.”
This time I knew to lean my head away from the phone as she let out another excited squeal that was somewhere between EEEEEEEEEEE!!!! and AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
“Okay, like, oh my god! I can’t believe it! This is amazing. So, like, do you need help planning all the fashuuuuuuuun, or is this more of a chill thing?”
“Oh no, I need all the help you want to give on that front. From bridesmaids’ dresses to materials of our table settings and even helping me pick up my dress.”
“OMG, yes! Just a question about that last one. Is it that you’re having trouble finding a shop that carries your dream dress? Or is it, like, out of circulation or something?”
I smiled to myself, guessing the reaction my friend was about to have to what I was going to say. “No. None of that. I don’t really have a dream dress at all.”
Silence one more time, but in this instance, I knew I was being judged. And I found it hilarious.
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t have a dream dress,” I repeated.
Maybe there were some people who would be irritated by the shock in Amanda’s tone, but it was one of the many things that I appreciated about her.
The girl loved fashion, design, and textile sciences with all of her being, and even though I didn’t share that same special interest, I sure did enjoy her going off about it.
“I don’t...” she let out a breathless sort of sound. “How is that possible?”
“Because I never really thought about it.”
“You never thought about it?”
“No. Not really.”
“You, the beautiful young thing that you were in your very traditional Italian family where your daddy loves to spoil you and all of your siblings got married young, never once thought about what your wedding dress or colors might be?”
“Nope. Guess it just slipped my mind.”
Amanda let out a choking sound, and I was having a hard time not bursting into laughter while she recovered. Sometimes, it was too much fun to pull her leg.
“Olivia, darling, you are right to call in the big guns. We have about twenty years of planning to cram into... When are you guys planning on having your wedding?”
“Oh, you know, we didn’t wanna rush things. So... About eleven months from now.”
“Ele-Eleven months?!” she practically shrieked. “Um, okay. I… wow. Right. Well, we have our work cut out for us. I’m scheduling you for a meeting over at my place tomorrow night. Are you free?”
“Well, I—”
“Great! Bring a notebook. And a binder. You know what, bring your laptop too. We have a whole lot we need to catch up on because you’re already behind.”
I chuckled and resigned myself to my fate. “Okay then. I’ll be there.”
“You better! But hey, I’m gonna go now. I need to put together a syllabus for what we need to address. Tootaloo!”
“Later.”
She hung up, her mood significantly different from the beginning of the call, and I felt quite accomplished about that. Yes, maybe I was deceiving both her and Keith but surely I was making up for that… right?
Right?
No answer came, but just like Amanda now had some tasks to catch up on, I did too.
Like, for example, speaking with Keith’s mother.