21. Olivia
OLIVIA
THE WOLF IS IN THE DETAILS
We dropped Miss Angela off at the retirement home. I’d intended to take her over to Keith’s place with us, but my fiancé assured her he was fine and just wanted some quiet and rest.
I’d been preparing myself for him asking me to go too—he had every right to—but I was immensely relieved when he took my hand after we got out of his car and pulled me along with him.
Neither of us said anything as I cleaned and bandaged his cuts.
I was doing my best to keep my temper in check at every instance of my cousins’ cruel “prank” that I came across.
The gash in Keith’s shin was bad, but didn’t need stitches, just butterfly band-aids and some debriding.
But he had a bruise all along his side that would grow and darken before it started healing, a bunch of scrapes, and two of his nails had cracked nearly all the way down to the quick.
That was going to take months to heal, and I didn’t know if I would be able to even look at my cousins in that time, let alone interact with them.
“It’s not your fault.”
I heard the words, but I was so busy dabbing warm, clean water against a scrape on Keith’s arm that I didn’t really comprehend them.
Had he been a shifter, he’d already be healed by now.
But he wasn’t. And I got that part of why my cousins did what they did was probably because they hadn’t thought about how much more seriously even the smallest of injuries could affect a human.
Sure, humans were tenacious as a whole, and they could push themselves to insane lengths in dire circumstances, but they also could die.
Us shifters didn’t get things like infections, and our injuries healed so quickly we rarely had to deal with things like scar tissue adhering things to stuff they weren’t supposed to be stuck to, or re-injuring from moving wrong or having a fall.
Those were all very real parts of Keith’s reality.
Logically, I knew he wasn’t likely to die of a gangrene attack or go septic in a first-world country where he had access to medical care, but the fact that it was a possibility made me want to personally remove the head from each of my cousins.
They didn’t get it, sure, but only because they didn’t care to. Keith had worked so hard to learn about our culture, even with me keeping our shifter nature a secret, and they couldn’t do the bare minimum of making sure their actions weren’t physically harmful to my guest. To the man I loved.
“It’s not your fault,” he repeated, and this time I looked up from his scrape.
“What?” I didn’t want him to repeat it for a third time, nor did I need to, but it was like my brain refused to register what he was saying.
Of course this was my fault. Who else’s could it be? If I had done the right thing and never exposed him to shifters, he wouldn’t have gotten hurt. God, what if he was like that one actor’s wife who died in her sleep after falling on a ski slope? She had seemed all right at first...
“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the emergency room?
” I asked for probably the twentieth time.
“I don’t mind taking you, really. We can bring some books, and I can read to you.
” It was a habit we didn’t always have time for, but I loved those quiet moments on rainy days when we’d lounge on the couch with his head in my lap, and I’d read whatever book I was into.
“I’m fine, Olivia,” he said softly, catching my hands in his much bigger ones.
His touch was so incredibly comforting, but I didn’t deserve it.
I didn’t deserve anything! I had been selfish.
I’d put my desires over his own ever since we met, and now he’d been hurt because of it!
And maybe it was just a gash in his shin now, some spilt blood and a giant bruise, but it could have been so much worse.
What if he had hit his head? What if he had fractured his spine?
What if he hadn’t been able to get himself out of that hole, and I’d gotten to him too late?
Yes, we had avoided disaster, but only narrowly.
And who was to say someone wouldn’t do it again?
He was so strong, so caring, so thoughtful, but he was also so fragile in that precious, human way.
They were the only species I knew where a simple fall on the sidewalk could wink their lives out of existence, but they’d also run into burning buildings to save a pet or even keep going in a fight after losing a limb.
I couldn’t lose him, but could I guarantee him his safety when he was surrounded by literal wolves?
No. I couldn’t.
It was all my fault!
“Look, I’ve had worse falls before, and the way I hit completely protected my head.
I haven’t broken anything, I can breathe fine, and there’s no numbness or tingling anywhere.
I’m going to be slow for a little bit, but I will be okay, I promise.
” His eyes were full of so much love as he regarded me, which only made me feel even guiltier.
I’d gotten too greedy. I’d wanted to have my cake and eat it too.
It’s all my fault! It’s all my fault!
“I’m just worried...” I managed to murmur even though I felt like I was beginning to drown in all the negative emotions swirling through me.
I loved Keith, loved him more deeply than I’d ever thought possible, and yet I had been lying to him for over a year. Could I really say that I loved him if I treated him that way? Could I really love him if I put my own desires above his actual needs? His safety?
“Babe, I need to make sure that you understand this wasn’t your fault. You had no idea your cousins would do something like this, and there was no way to prepare for it.”
“I…”
“You warned me that it wasn’t the best idea to go off on my own, but I insisted.
I’m a grown man, so it’s not like you can make those kinds of decisions for me.
I don’t know why your cousins did what they did; I hope it’s only an extension of silly prank culture, but please, please, Olivia, tell me that you understand this isn’t your fault! ”
But it was! How could he not see that?
“I…”
He stood, gently pulling me into his embrace, and I melted against that solid, broad chest that had gotten me through so many difficult times.
I breathed in his scent, letting it soothe my nerves and ease that anxiety that so often liked to chew at the edges of my brain until it made its way to the center and dominated all my thoughts.
It’sallmyfault!It’sallmyfault!IT’SALLMYFAULT!!!
It was an inescapable truth, and the only reason Keith thought otherwise was because he didn’t know the truth.
And he didn’t know the truth, because I had been using and manipulating him for my own gain.
I was a shit fiancée, a terrible person, and I’d let my quest for finding the real Olivia and standing my own ground come at his expense.
If I loved him, then I needed to protect him.
Even if that meant protecting him from me.
“I know today gave you a fright, and I’m not happy about it either, but think about those nice things Roma and Leandro said.
And all your other family members who were chewing out your cousins as well.
I’m pretty sure I saw one of your aunties pulling Vinnie by his ear while she yelled into it.
It won’t be the easiest thing going forward, but we will, and eventually this will pass as a snafu of two very different families getting to know each other. Growing pains, you know?”
He was too forgiving, far too forgiving, but that wasn’t anything new. So I didn’t argue with him. Instead, I soaked in the comfort that radiated from him.
Because it was going to be the last time I was going to feel it.
“Olivia?” he asked, after we stood there for what had to be a handful of minutes. “I know there’s probably a lot going on in your head right now, but can you please confirm to me that you are okay?”
No, I was far from okay. And if I was being honest with myself, I didn’t know if I would ever be okay again.
I’d found the man I truly believed was the love of my life, who saw me as no one else did and helped me to see myself in a better light too.
Who filled my days with brightness and laughter, taught me things I never would have thought about before, and introduced me to all sorts of different hole-in-the-wall places I never would have visited with my family.
And I was going to have to let him go.
“I think we should break up,” I said, and holy fuck, the words felt like literal acid pouring down my throat. I nearly choked on the flavor of them, acrid and full of decay, bitter right down to my soul.
Keith didn’t let me go, but he took a step back and held me at arm’s length, studying my face. I couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze, because I couldn’t imagine the hurt and betrayal written across his features.
Because, to him, it probably seemed like his perfectly happy relationship was crumbling because he was the victim of a prank.
But the reality was that I was a predator, as were my people, and he had become so very close to being our prey that I couldn’t ignore the voice in my head that had been shouting he was in danger just because he knew me.
He deserved the truth. It was the least I could do, but since I couldn’t tell him the truth, then he deserved to be free.
“Olivia, why don’t we talk about this when our emotions are a little less fraught? I can tell you’re in your head right now, and I—”