Chapter 26
Sober Kim is very different to diving-in-for-a-taxi-kiss Kim. Sober Kim is sitting bolt upright across the restaurant table from Enzo – she’d texted to suggest ‘a quick bite’ – but is also jabbing at her phone and Enzo senses her attention is wavering.
‘Sorry,’ she says. ‘My daughter’s having a bit of a meltdown.’
‘Nothing serious, I hope?’
‘Exams.’ She rolls her eyes.
‘Oh God.’ He nods sympathetically. ‘Tough time.’
‘Hmm, yes. It’s all too much, apparently. But, y’know, she knew they were coming. I mean, they haven’t crash-landed on her from outer space. She’s had tons of time to prepare and all the support we can all give her…’ Kim twirls her fork around her linguine and pops in a neat mouthful.
‘Well, that’s all you can do,’ Enzo offers.
She nods and swallows and sips her sparkling water. ‘I was down seeing her a few weeks ago and made sure we had everything in place. I mean, every resource we could possibly offer her. The relaxation apps, the guided meditation practices, the weighted blanket…’
‘Weighted blanket?’ he says in surprise.
‘To calm her nervous system,’ she says, as if that should be obvious. ‘You’re a teacher, Enzo. You know how it’s just a matter of sticking to a schedule and applying full focus for the duration.’
He looks at her, aware that he should agree and move the subject on.
He really shouldn’t get into this, not over pasta on what he supposes is a first date.
Yet, all too vividly, he remembers his own chaotic approach to exam revision: the all-nighters spent huddled over textbooks, caffeine juddering through his veins.
‘I think it’s different for everyone,’ he says diplomatically.
‘I mean, some kids breeze through it and others find it an awful lot to handle.’
Kim nods, her expression softening, and as Enzo finishes his ravioli he tells himself not to judge her for her tough-love approach.
He’s met enough mums and dads to know that parenting styles are as varied as people.
‘I bet you’re a really lovely, supportive teacher,’ she adds.
‘But don’t you agree that it’s just about applying themselves? ’
‘No, not really.’ He shakes his head. ‘I don’t, actually.’
Her eyes widen in surprise. ‘Why not?’
‘Because people are individuals,’ he starts, ‘and everyone reacts to pressure in different ways. I mean, some thrive on it. They actually enjoy the challenge. But for many?—’
‘You mean the kids you teach?’ she interjects.
‘Well, yeah. A lot of them are managing all kinds of situations and responsibilities and have loads of other stuff to deal with?—’
‘Yeah, I s’pose at your school it’s like that.’ She sips more water and he drinks his wine, letting her words settle.
At your school. A school for poor kids, is the implication.
Well, yes, he thinks, prickling now, despite trying to let her comment wash over him.
Some of his pupils come to school hungry (it’s why he keeps a toaster and a sliced loaf in his classroom) and no mum or dad ever shows up at parents’ evenings.
For these young people it’s not as simple as applying themselves for the duration.
‘I know from Nina and Hayley what those kids’ lives are like,’ Kim says crisply. ‘And you probably think I’m a harsh mother.’
‘Of course not,’ he says, regretting even getting into this as her gaze flickers back to her phone. ‘I’d never judge anyone like that.’
She smiles, red lipstick still perfectly in place after eating. ‘You just wait till your little girl hits the teen stage.’
‘Yeah.’ He nods, raising a smile. ‘I’m sure it’s not easy.’
‘It makes you wonder why you had them!’
‘Er, yeah. I bet.’ He forces a laugh.
‘Don’t believe me, do you?’ she teases.
‘No, I’m sure you’re right…’ Why do people do this? he wonders. Imply that, while you might be enjoying being a parent now, give it a few years and it’ll be hell? Kim is back to messaging now, frowning as her daughter’s replies come thick and fast.
‘Sorry,’ she says with a sigh. ‘This is terribly rude of me.’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ he says. Kim lets out an exasperated groan and goes to shove her phone in her bag when it rings.
‘Please, take it if you need to,’ Enzo adds quickly.
She frowns apologetically and takes the call. ‘Jess, honey, I’m out. It’s not a good time… Yes, speak to Dad about that. Do the exercises. Go through your evening routine. Take your supplements…’
Enzo doesn’t know what to do with himself while this is going on.
He looks around the candle-lit neighbourhood restaurant which is busy for a Wednesday night – around two thirds full – and wonders quite why he is here.
‘Because you need to get yourself out there,’ Nina has told him.
Add in Laura’s gentle cajoling to get back on the apps and the hovering threat of litter pick singles and he wonders if he should have a T-shirt printed with the slogan I AM ABSOLUTELY FINE THANK YOU.
And although it’s ridiculous – and this is only a casual date – he finds himself wondering what Mathilde would make of Kim if she ever met her.
And this leads to him picturing Celia on Sunday, kindly chattering away to Mathilde in her plant room, patiently explaining the things she does there.
He shouldn’t think this way – viewing any new woman he meets through the eyes of his daughter – but he can’t help himself.
‘Use your special pillow,’ Kim is telling her daughter now, ‘and squoosh it with your lavender spray. Have you eaten your almonds?’ She grins at Enzo with another eye roll.
‘Well, that’s good, darling. Nine almonds a day, remember?
And your breathing exercises. Don’t forget!
’ Then, meltdown seemingly unmelted, she slips her phone into her bag.
Keen to avoid lurching down the exams route again, Enzo quizzes Kim about her work as a coach, and now the atmosphere eases. ‘I love it,’ she tells him, ‘but at the moment I’m building the business and it’s crazy hours. In fact, I’m meeting a client for a session first thing tomorrow morning.’
This, he takes it, is her cue to wind up the evening. ‘For a talking session?’ he asks, because he still doesn’t quite understand what she does.
‘A run, actually,’ she says, ‘with this one. I tailor it to suit the person.’ So she does believe that people are individuals and not machines? ‘We run together at a pace where we can talk,’ she continues. ‘It’s a great way to work through things – mind and body at the same time. D’you run, Enzo?’
‘A bit,’ he replies.
She chuckles. ‘What does that mean?’
‘Well, er…’ How should he describe his weekly hoof around the park? ‘I guess it’s a token effort.’
‘You’re in decent shape,’ she observes, and he reaches for his wine, not quite sure how to react to that.
‘I just try not to let things slide too much.’ He pauses. ‘I really should set up my Garmin watch. Nina and Hayley bought it for me for my fortieth.’ He smiles. ‘Two years ago, that was.’
‘Ah, right.’ Her eyes glimmer playfully. ‘And it’s still sitting there, boxed, in your sock drawer?’
Pant drawer, actually. ‘That’s about it.’ He laughs.
‘Haranguing you silently, “Set-me-up-for-crying-out-loud-it’s-not-rocket-science…”’
‘I think you’ve got CCTV in my flat,’ he says, relaxing now.
‘Tell you what’s the most effective thing,’ she says, leaning forward. ‘A running buddy. If you ever fancy it, I’d be up for that?’
‘You mean, running together?’ he asks in surprise.
‘Yeah, why not?’
Enzo knows with absolute certainty that she’d be streaking ahead of him and that it would be a humiliating nightmare.
But somehow, as they settle the bill – which she absolutely insists on splitting – he tells himself that maybe Nina was right and that he should start getting out there, saying yes to things.
‘That was lovely,’ he says as they leave the restaurant. ‘I’d always wanted to try that place.’
‘Yeah.’ She sniggers. ‘It’s finally dislodged the coating of Nina’s cheesecake from my mouth lining.’
He laughs and as she catches his eye he thinks, maybe I was judging her a little back there ?
Raising a child is such a personal thing, and he shouldn’t have reacted like that, as a teacher with an attitude.
He’s just out of practice, he decides. Since Janetta-with-the-crisps, he hasn’t been on anything remotely resembling a date.
And maybe the answer to everything really is a weighted blanket and a handful of almonds?
They hug briefly at the end of the street and Kim smooths down her sleek, dark hair with a hand.
Then, with a cheery ‘Night, then!’ she climbs into her gleaming red Audi and zooms away.
Although she’d offered Enzo a lift home, he’d declined politely.
Tonight he’d rather walk, and as he strides briskly along the quiet tree-lined streets he tells himself that, as dates go, that wasn’t at all terrible.
Just a little confusing because what does she think of him really, and he of her?
However, there’s one thing he does know. If Kim is planning to put him through his paces, then he’d better up his running game.